When you come to a crossroads in life like getting laid off, losing a loved one, or becoming an empty nester, the idea of thriving through transitions like these may seem hard to fathom. The good news is that you have what it takes to gracefully maneuver through life’s inevitable changes. And it’s easier when you have the guidance of a life transition coach like today’s guest, Ellen Rothstein.
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Show Notes | Transcript“You have the means to get through it. With the appropriate support, you will get through it. But don’t compare yourself to other people, because your life is your own and you’re unique and you do get to approach this in any way that works for you.” – Ellen Rothstein
Joining us today is Ellen Rothstein, an accomplished author and certified life transition coach. Ellen went through her own transition, shifting from an artist to the corporate realm and finally discovering her true passion in life coaching. Our candid exchange reveals the significance of heeding the universe’s subtle nudges towards our genuine paths and the courage required to follow them. We also tackle the emotional layers of life transitions, recognizing the need to honor the grief that comes with pivotal changes such as career moves, changes in marital status, or the loss of someone dear. Whether you’re an entrepreneur facing business challenges or someone navigating personal upheavals, this episode serves as a reminder that you’re not alone and embracing change can be both daunting and exhilarating.
In this episode, you will learn:
- Ellen’s journey from artist to life coach, discussing career transitions and recognizing signals from the universe.
- Life transitions involve complex emotions and enduring grief, but progress is made with patience and support.
- The role of a life coach in providing impartial guidance to help you navigate through life’s challenges.
- The importance of self-care, and breaking down transitions into actionable steps.
- Looking back on past transitions can give you confidence to face future ones.
- You’re not alone in your journey, you can reach out to others for support.
Resources:
Join the Soulful Women’s Network
Connect with Ellen Rothstein:
Website: EllenRothstein.com
Email: Ellen (at) EllenRothstein.com
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Send Gloria Grace a message
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TRANSCRIPT
Gloria “Grace” Rand (Host)
Namaste. Making the transition from employee to business owner isn’t always easy. I know because I’ve been there, done that, and if you’re about to make a big change like that, stay tuned because our guest has some tips on how to navigate life’s transitions much more smoothly. But first I’d like to officially welcome you to the podcast and, if this is your first time here, I am Gloria Grace and I help female entrepreneurs release negative thought patterns like self-doubt, so you can grow a business that aligns with your soul’s purpose.
And I also want to welcome those of you who are watching, for instance on social media like LinkedIn, because that is a great place to connect with people, and in fact, it’s where I connected with our guest today, who is Ellen Rothstein, and I forgot to double check how to pronounce her name, but I’m hoping that’s correct. I’m going to bring her on here shortly, but she is an author and certified life transition coach who helps her clients get unstuck and face those transitions with self-assurance. So, without further ado, I’m going to bring her on. And what’s your last name correctly? Well?
Ellen Rothstein (Guest)
I tend to say Rothstein, but a lot of people don’t, trust me.
Gloria “Grace” Rand (Host)
Rothstein it is, but we’ll just call you Ellen. How about that? Good, well, I usually like to start off our interviews talking a little bit about our guests, about their journey, and I’m guessing that the reason you decided to become a life transition coach maybe it had to do with a transition you were going through? I’m not sure, but I’d love for you to share that with our audience first, so they can get to know you a little bit better and why you have this expertise.
Ellen Rothstein (Guest)
Well, first of all, thank you for having me on your podcast as a guest. I am delighted to be here and talk to your listeners about the journey that I have gone through. And yes, to answer your question, I did decide to change my life due to what was going on in my life, and the brief overview of that is that I had originally gotten a degree in art. I’m a painter. I did that for many years and then didn’t know if I was going to sell another painting in two weeks, two months, two years, so I eventually had to get quote a full-time job, and then that turned into many years. I still did some art on my own on the side, but no longer as my main life activity and income, and so I worked at advertising for many years and then later in digital media. I live in San Francisco, which is a very young tech town and, as you can tell, I am not a young tech gal. So fast forward to 2019 and my company went through yet another round of layoffs and I got laid off, and this time it was very difficult to get rehired. I did get hired for a brief gig at an advertising agency and it was horrible. It was absolutely a nightmare. It was an. I was a round peg in a square hole and I thought why am I doing this? I think I need a full-time job and benefits that much I was pretty clear on. But I really hated what I was doing. I was not good at it, except that I was very good at the people parts. Frankly, when I stepped back from this and realized I can’t get hired, what am I going to do? This is a real pivotal moment for me. I looked and I did an assessment of what I actually did like about the jobs that I’d held and it was really when I was being the liaison with people, when I could be the liaison between senior management and leadership and engineers and sales staff and creatives. That was what made me happy.
And I had been working with a life coach on my own for quite some time, trying to bridge the gap between the person I felt at home, where I was very much in charge, and the person I felt felt at work, where I felt like I had to prove myself 24-7. And working with her she pointed out to me you know, you’ve got a knack for this coaching thing yourself. You might think about becoming a coach and I took some classes, but at that time I was still certain I needed a full-time job. So I said, oh no, I can’t do that.
But then, when I got laid off and had this sort of eye-opening experience about what a bad fit I was in this current work situation, I thought, you know, maybe it’s time to really think about this. And so I did, and I decided I’m going to get certified as a life coach and I’m going to pick an area of expertise that really resonates for me, which turned out to be transitions. Because here I was facing my own transition from thinking I needed a full-time job forever to figuring out what actually made me happy and how could I make this work. It meant starting my own business, which was a scary proposition, but that’s what I did, and so with I don’t want to keep going on and on, so I’m going to turn it back over to you.
Gloria “Grace” Rand (Host)
Well, I love that and it’s it’s. It’s interesting Similar sort of story in the way that I was trying to figure out what to do with my life too, because we had moved from Miami up to Orlando, Florida, and I wasn’t able to work full-time in my job in television anymore, and so I was trying to figure out what to do. And then they said, okay, I was doing some part-time work from them, and they’re like we don’t need you anymore. And I took that as a sign that, okay, I guess I better do this copywriting thing full time, similar to you, where you’re like, okay, I guess, since I’m being laid off, maybe I should seriously look into becoming a coach. And I do think sometimes that even though we’re in the midst of it, and it’s difficult, I believe in a benevolent universe and I think the universe will throw us lifelines like that, even if we don’t always recognize them.
I don’t know if you agree with that or not. I know there’s probably a lot of people in our audience and I know, I’m sure, that have gone through similar situations, certainly even over the last several years, because a lot of people had to, you know, face the same kind of thing with everything, the way our world has happened. So what are, what do you think are the common? I think I want to start here first. What are some of the common struggles, maybe, first, that people have when they’re facing a transition? What are some of the things that come up for them?
Ellen Rothstein (Guest)
Well, people don’t like change, myself included it’s anything that’s new and different is going to pose some kind of challenges. Even if you’re excited about the upcoming change, it’s still going to be new and different. So what does that mean? Especially if the change is not something that you chose, like being laid off. So then, I think it’s really important for that person to step back and identify what is scary, what are the positive outcomes, what are the negative outcomes, what is there to be potentially excited about and what is scary? And if it’s scary, thinking about why, is it because it’s new, or are there actually reasons? Is there some evidence? A lot of us fall into the trap of feeling like it’s projecting onto the future? It’s going to be that, but that’s fear-based, it’s not necessarily evidence-based.
So I like to take a step back and help my clients to do the same to really look at the situation, get some information, gather some facts. What is really going on here? And then breaking it down into small, bite-sized pieces. Oh, I’ve got so much to do. I have to move across the country. You know, my husband got transferred, I’m leaving all my friends, my kids are getting pulled out of school, or whatever the overwhelmingness of it may be. Break it down. Yeah, of course you’re going to be overwhelmed if you think you have to do all of that right away, but in reality you won’t. There will be some time sequencing, there will be some things that are dependent on each other, some non-negotiables, some things you may have to play with. So really break down that transition into what has to happen. So it’s a combination of the practical what has to happen and also breaking it down in terms of looking at what your fears are.
Gloria “Grace” Rand (Host)
Yeah, I think that’s a big thing because that fear can really stop you in your tracks. And then you get into this analysis paralysis, where you can’t make a decision because you’re just like looking at all the different things I have to do, where do I start first? How important is it to take care of yourself during this time?
Ellen Rothstein (Guest)
Extremely. I learned that early on, many years ago, when I had my first child, I realized that if I didn’t take care of myself I was no good to him. And I had a conversation with my doctor at the time and she said, oh my God, I wish everybody knew that. I wish all young mothers could figure that out. And in fact I’m writing a book about that, because it’s kind of like the old adage of you know, put your oxygen mask on first on the airplane.
You have got to take care of yourself, because if you don’t, you are no use to anybody else. And I think it’s really easy for everybody to forget this in this day and age of wanting to be a caregiver and wanting to be sensitive to other people’s needs. It’s not about being selfish, it’s about being mindful of one’s self. I’m just making that phrase up on the fly. It’s probably not the most articulate way to describe it, but you have to take care of yourself emotionally, physically and by that I’m largely including sleep, which I’m a firm believer in. Taking care of yourself, because then you have more to give. If your baseline is in good shape, then you can be additive to the world and the people around you.
Gloria “Grace” Rand (Host)
Yeah, absolutely. I know this. I preach this to my clients as well and, in fact, I think I even did a webinar a couple years ago about. You know, self-care is not selfish. You know exactly Because, like you said, if you don’t take care of yourself, there’s no way that you can take care of anybody else. And yeah, we could spend a whole half an hour probably just talking about that. What else is important that people should know about when they’re facing a transition? What other things are helpful for people to know, or for what people can maybe even what to expect? You know you’re talking about mothers, so I immediately start thinking about, What to expect when you’re expecting. So what should you expect when you’re facing a transition?
Ellen Rothstein (Guest)
Well, when I work with my clients, I find it’s really important to be very realistic and tactile for lack of a better word and by tactile I mean let’s write things down, let’s come up with a very actionable plan, because progress builds on itself. If you accomplish one thing, you see that you’re capable of accomplishing something, and then that can lead to taking the next step and accomplishing the next thing, and then maybe a bigger thing. So I would apply that to any transition. What has to happen If you were going from point A to B?
What are all the things that have to be accomplished? And then let’s break it down into baby steps and let’s figure out how to get you moving, because so often, as you mentioned, Gloria, people get analysis paralysis and they get stuck and they just can’t seem to make any progress. So it’s really important to make some progress, no matter how small. At least start, because nothing’s going to get done if you’re completely paralyzed. So what can we work on together? How can I help you be accountable as a client to put together something that’s actionable but that will eventually get you through that transition?
Gloria “Grace” Rand (Host)
You know I like what you’re talking about and, as I was thinking, I’m trying to think of like what other things are maybe common things that can trip people up when they’re, you know, trying to do this and trying to go through and being able to manage a transition better?
Ellen Rothstein (Guest)
I’d say lack of understanding. If you feel like you have certain information, or lack thereof, about what you’re going to be facing for that transition, do some homework, do some research, get some information so that what you’re dealing with is real, not just fear-based. I could give examples for all types of different transitions, but, as we know, there are so many types. For example, there’s career transitions, there’s retirement, there’s empty nest, there’s new baby, there’s divorce, there’s relationship change, there’s moving. So there’s so many types of transitions. So I won’t go into the weeds about all of those things. But whatever type of transition you’re going through, get some information, talk to people, know what you’re dealing with. People get tripped up when they think it’s going to be one way and they just really don’t know, and then they can go off the deep end in fear and maybe, if they get some information, they’ll discover it’s really not that bad. For example and I’m really just pulling this out of the air but if you’re an empty nester, it feels really scary, and by scary I mean lonely, sad. You’re excited, you want this for your child and yet you can’t help but feeling like you’ve been punched in the stomach or your rug’s been pulled out or whatever metaphor works for you. So there, it’s not so much a factual situation where you can get information, but talk to other parents who have gone through this. You need support you really do and mostly you need something to do with your time, energy and self, because there’s going to be a big hole when that child moves out. So what are you going to do? So that you can plan for In a practical sense, you can say, okay, now, when I come home and my kid’s not there, what am I going to do?
Maybe it’s time to find some more activities, interests. How can at the beginning at least, how can you fill your life with something that’s not ever going to replace your child, obviously, but can help bridge that gap? Maybe you join a book club, maybe you you know volunteer somewhere. Maybe you do some art or whatever it is that brings you some satisfaction. But that’s something you can plan for If you take the time to step back, talk to other people. What did they do? Figure out, how can I make this work for me?
Gloria “Grace” Rand (Host)
Yeah, I like that. And what’s coming to mind and this kind of gets back again to the self-care part of this that we were talking about is that a lot of times transitions, you actually go through a grieving process because you’re leaving something behind, whether it is a career, whether maybe it’s a marriage, maybe it is, you know. Now you’ve got an empty nest, you know where you had all these kids living at home, you know, or it could be really the loss of a loved one, and that’s a huge transition that you have to go through too, and I know that a lot of people have to deal with that. So have you, have you found you that in your practice and what do you is there anything, maybe even above and beyond what we’ve talked about already that you, you know, help your clients through in that sense?
Ellen Rothstein (Guest)
Well, in one sense it’s just a matter of listening. I had a client who had lost somebody very close to her, but it was also her employer. It was a kind of unique situation and she really needed to talk about it. She really needed to process and she didn’t have anybody else.
Oftentimes we think we’ve got our friends and family and we do to a certain extent. But when you hire a professional life coach, then they are there to listen impartially. They’re not going to overlay their opinions, their judgments, their critiques, as your family and friends are likely to do. Really, it’s important to let that person go through that process of grieving, whatever form it may take. In this case, with this particular client, I was trying to get her to think about the future a little bit, but she wasn’t ready. She really just needed to process this situation and it was a complicated situation. There was a lot of background and she just needed to do what she needed to do, which was to have me listen. So it’s a case-by-case situation, but everybody does have to go through their grieving and it will look like whatever it looks like, but you’re right to call that out for sure.
Gloria “Grace” Rand (Host)
Yeah, because I know I’ve experienced that, and even when you voluntarily decide to make a break, you can still find yourself grieving anyway. So, for instance, I’ll be vulnerable here is that I decided that I wanted to leave my marriage, and it was my choice, but at the same time, I also still had to grieve the fact that, you know, I had this dream of you know. You know, death to you from death, okay, I can’t think of the word death till you part. Right, you know, to be married that long you know to, especially because my parents, you know, did not have that type of marriage, and so I was determined I was going to be the one that was going to be, you know, succeed at my family.
Now, unfortunately, however, we are still in good communication. So my husband and I haven’t split up formally it’s not official, but frankly I think we’re getting along better now that we’re living in separate places. He may not agree with that, but I believe so anyway. But I still had to go through with that and I think that’s the important thing I would love for people to take away from this is that, whatever transition you’re going through, to give yourself that space to be able to acknowledge that, ok this is the end of that chapter. I’m starting a new chapter. And as you say, to be able to start looking at, what do I need to do to make this transition work for me so that it doesn’t have to be full of stress and strife, but it can be something that can be productive and ultimately result in a good outcome.
Ellen Rothstein (Guest)
You make a really good point. Two good points there. One is beginning and end of a chapter, but also contradicting that really is your example with the marriage. Yes, it’s the beginning and end of a chapter, but we need to be patient with ourselves, because it’s not. Our feelings are not going to fit in the neat little box of one chapter here, new chapter here. There’s going to be messy stuff that goes back and forth and you’re going to be taking two steps back, one step forward, two steps forward, one step whatever. It’s. Technically, yes, it’s the end of an era, it’s the beginning of a new era. But, as I mentioned earlier, people don’t like change and it’s hard to let go and it’s hard to embrace. So, above all, you need to be patient with yourself.
This is not going to happen overnight. It may never be fully realized. For example, grieving of the loss of a loved one. You know, you never know when that moment is going to hit. My father died a long time ago, but the other day I don’t even recall what triggered it I had this overwhelming sense of grief, like I can’t believe he’s gone. And he’s been gone since the end of 2005. Is that right? Yeah, 2005. So it’s been a long time, but I felt that fresh grief, that moment, this disbelief, like I can’t believe he’s really gone. So be patient, it’s going to happen, you’re going to get through it. Above all, know you’re going to get through it, it’s going to keep happening and you’re going to keep getting through it. And if you look at the big picture, you’ll see there is progress.
Gloria “Grace” Rand (Host)
Yeah absolutely, and I agree with that. It is odd that something will come out of the blue and all of a sudden it’ll like hit you again, because I’ve experienced the same thing. My mom’s been gone since 2003. And yet, you know, every once in a while something will happen and trigger like, oh, you know, I wish she was here where I could tell her that, you know. And then we can go into a whole other story, like, oh, she still lives, yeah, yeah, but you want to be able to hear the sound of her voice on a phone. That we can’t really do, no matter how spiritual we can be. Oh, shoot. There was something else I was going to ask you in regards to this, and hopefully it’ll come back All right.
In the meantime, I want to change gears just slightly and ask you something, because I like to ask my guests this. I don’t always get a chance to, so I want to make sure I have a chance today. What are you curious about right now?
Ellen Rothstein (Guest)
What a good question. Very open-ended. And I wish I had a little time to think about it. Frankly, I’m curious about a lot of things. I’m intellectually curious about a lot of things. I’m still very involved in the arts, so I have a lot of curiosity about that. I’m curious to see what my children’s lives will be like, and I now have a granddaughter who’s a year old. I’m curious to know what her life is going to be like. I’m curious, frankly, to know what the rest of my life is going to be like as well. I’m curious in a somewhat apprehensive way, about the state of the world. So I want to park that one. I don’t want to think about that one too terribly much. I’m not sure if that answers your question. It’s a little vague and overall.
Gloria “Grace” Rand (Host)
That’s okay, and that’s why I don’t like to pre-ask it, you know, because I want to catch you off guard and just see what comes. You know, first thing to your mind, and it’s amazing the variety of answers I get to that question. So it’s all good. Whatever answer you give is the right answer for you in this moment. So it’s all, it’s all perfect. Is there anything else that I didn’t ask you about with regards to transitions that I should have?
Ellen Rothstein (Guest)
I can’t think of a specific question as much as just reminding our viewers, listeners, that your situation is unique. You have the means to get through it. With the appropriate support, you will get through it. But don’t compare yourself to other people, because your life is your own and you’re unique and you do get to approach this in any way that works for you. This kind of alleviates some self-doubt, I hope, and some worry that, in comparison to other people, you may be taking too long to get through this, or you may be more fearful or less. You know less whatever or more whatever, but it’s your own journey and nobody can really tell you what to do or make it better. It really is up to you, because nobody can live anybody else’s life, obviously, but you will get through it.
You just have to do the work, and the work is sometimes looking at things that are causing you fear. I’ve worked with a client who is fearful, somewhat aware of the cause of the fear, but also gets paralyzed by that fear, which is very common. So, really taking the time to and then not just time, but making the emotional space to look at what’s hard, that’s where the work comes in and, as I mentioned earlier. I do like to get very practical and help clients break things down into baby steps to get through. So I would just want to acknowledge that change is hard, transitions are hard. At the beginning you don’t know how you’re going to do it and then later you do get to look back and say, wow, I actually did do this. And some transitions go on for years and years and others are much more concrete and quick.
Gloria “Grace” Rand (Host)
Yeah, absolutely, and I remember what it was I wanted to comment about is that we humans are so funny because we know that life is always a series of changes. I mean, we’ve known this since we were a little child, as we grew up, so why we’re surprised sometimes that you know we’re going to have to, you know, go through this transition is funny. I think we have like this you know, short-term memory loss thing happens to us, you know, where we just sort of block out that oh, oh, transition, we’re making a transition. Did I do this before? Well, no, because I and I guess it’s because everyone is different maybe that we go through and then that’s why we think, oh, this is something totally different and I’ve never had this happen before, and am I going to survive it? When if you looked at it in more general terms, it’s just another change. And you did survive things in the past, so why can’t you survive this one, right?
Ellen Rothstein (Guest)
Right and I think we all want to hold on to what works. You know, maybe it’s a very primal, you know, survival instinct. You’ve got food. You don’t leave that cave because you’ve got food in that cave, but you also might be moving to a cave that has twice as much food. You just don’t know without a crystal ball and of course we don’t have a crystal ball. But you’re right, you did get through a change or two or maybe many changes in the past. You did get through it. You did survive it, and this upcoming one may seem really big, for example if you lost a loved one, but you will get through it. You know there is no way you won’t. You will live with the grief. It will live with you in whatever form it may take, but you will go on and you will find joy and happiness. It’s not clear at the moment how that’s going to happen, but have the faith that you will, because you will.
Gloria “Grace” Rand (Host)
Yeah, that’s definitely the important point to keep in mind is that you will see the light again, even though it seems really dark right now. But you will get there and it just takes time and doing the steps that you talked about. So I know I’m sure that there are some people listening today or have been watching and saying like, oh, I need some help, I can’t do this on my own anymore. I’m struggling, so how do I get in touch with Ellen? What’s the best place?
Ellen Rothstein (Guest)
There are two easy ways. One is email me Ellen at EllenRothstein dot com. E-l-l-e-n-r-o-t-h-s-t-e-i-n. That’s the easiest and best way. I also have a website, EllenRothsteincom, and you can. There’s a form you can fill out there. That works, too, Whatever you prefer. But and I’m also on LinkedIn, but I’m I’m happy to respond to anybody that has any kind of questions, inquiries, just wants to reach out to me. So I would love to hear from you.
Gloria “Grace” Rand (Host)
Excellent. Well, thank you so much for connecting with me and for being a guest here today and sharing your wisdom. I know that our audience received a lot of value from it today, so thank you so much for being here.
Ellen Rothstein (Guest)
Well thank you so much. I’ve enjoyed every moment.
Gloria “Grace” Rand (Host)
And I do want to thank all of you for watching and for listening, and I know some comments are coming through on Facebook as well. So thank you so much for those Glad you’re watching, and I hope you will take Ellen’s advice to heart and just really remember that you’re going to get through this and there are steps you can take. You don’t have to do it alone. I think that’s the other point is, you don’t have to do this alone so you can reach out to people like Ellen, you can reach out to me, you can call a counselor or whoever you’re comfortable with, or a family member or friend, but know that you don’t have to go through these things alone, and so I hope that you will join us next week. I’m going to be doing a solo episode next week and we’re going to be talking about the power of gratitude and how that can really transform your entrepreneurial journey. So I hope you will tune in for that and until then, in the meantime, I encourage you to go out and live fully, love deeply and engage authentically.
