Did you know that the secrets to a vibrant life may be as close as your bathroom mirror? At 89 years young, James Flaherty has mastered the art of unwrapping every morning like a precious gift.
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Show Notes | Transcript“You are as old as you think. And if you think old, you get old.” – James B. Flaherty
In this uplifting episode, I sit down with the former Madison Avenue creative director turned author to explore his secrets for maintaining a bright outlook on life. James and I delve into the importance of defining your true purpose, especially as you age, and why it’s crucial to stay engaged with life long after retirement.
Discover how to:
- Confront your inner critic and start each day with positivity
- Find and pursue your true purpose at any age
- Embrace your uniqueness and “own your weird”
Key insights include:
- The power of being present, living, giving, and loving
- Why fear of aging often stems from childhood experiences
- The importance of maintaining physical health as you age
James also shares his perspective on facing life’s uncertainties and challenges, drawing from his experience as a caregiver and his adventures living abroad. His curiosity about creating a more civil and courteous world shines through as he encourages small acts of kindness that can make a big difference.
Whether you’re approaching your golden years or simply seeking to put more joy into your daily life, this conversation offers a refreshing perspective on aging gracefully and living fully. Tune in to learn how to embrace your age and discover why, as James puts it, “You can be better than ever!”
Resources:
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Connect with James B. Flaherty:
Website: jamesbflaherty.com
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TRANSCRIPT
Namaste. Want to know the secret to waking up happy and staying positive no matter what life throws at you? Well, 89-year-old James Flaherty shows us how he unwraps each day like a gift and keeps his bright outlook on life. Wisdom that served him well from his Madison Avenue days to his latest chapter as an author. But before I bring him on, I want to welcome you to Live Love Engage, especially if you are new to the podcast. I am Gloria Grace, and I help female entrepreneurs attract clients by going beyond traditional search engine optimization techniques to embrace my definition of SEO, spiritually engaging others. So joining us today, as I mentioned, is Jim Flaherty, and he is a former advertising creating, creative director, creator and innkeeper of a legendary country inn in New York, also a conference center, and he’s now an author. He writes fiction and nonfiction books and his latest is called Embrace Your Age, You Can be Better Than Ever. And I knew when I, when I met him I had to have him on the show. So I am going to bring him on right now and officially. There we go. Welcome you to Live Love Engage.
James B. Flaherty
Thank you, Gloria. I’m delighted to be here.
Gloria Grace Rand
Well, I’m delighted to have you because I just finished reading your book, as a matter of fact, and I loved all the golden wisdom nuggets that you put in there. And I know one of the things you kind of touched on a little bit in the book. Well, maybe not a little bit, but I know when I was promoting this episode, I was talking about something that you sort of consider to be a person’s biggest enemy. And I was wondering if you could delve into what exactly that is and how do we conquer it?
James B. Flaherty
Okay, I’m going to go by, I’m going to assume that all of your listeners have mothers. I had a wonderful mother and she was widowed when I was quite young. And one of the things she taught me, I think I was in college when she, she sat me down. I was maybe 20 years old. And she said, I want you to understand something, that every morning of your life, you’re going to have to confront your biggest critic. The most difficult person you know in your life. It’s that person in your bathroom mirror. And you can either look at that person and go, good God, another day, or smile bravely and cheerfully and say, good God, another day, and get out there and grab it and go for it. And I know it sounds maybe a little corny, but it’s not corny to me. And I still do that at age 89. I really do not ever wake up depressed because I think, good God, I have another day. I have another opportunity to see, hear, taste, touch, speak, share, love. I mean, that’s a miracle. So I’m very happy about that. I embrace every day as a gift. Every day is an opportunity to live. And so I get very annoyed when I see people who are retreating from life and doing a horrible statistic. Something like 60 or 70% of people over 65 watch TV 48 hours a week. You know, I want them to get up and to volunteer or do things. Just start living.
Gloria Grace Rand
Well, absolutely. And let’s face it, because we are, you know, we live a lot longer than when, you know, Social Security was first put in place. I mean, at least here in the United States anyway. And so this idea of retiring at 65 doesn’t, you know, necessarily work. And so and, actually a lot of people are finding that they want to live longer lives. So when you, when you do come across people like that who aren’t really living, you know, besides looking in the mirror, which I loved that idea, giving yourself some, you know, straight talk doing that. How else can we learn to really love and embrace every day as a gift?
James B. Flaherty
Well, you know, within each of us, Gloria, we all have a goal or a purpose. And I know there’s a lot of talk these days, you hear a lot of talk about purpose, but most people don’t spend the time to look in, inside of themselves and define their true purpose. I mean, let’s face it, we go through so many trend transitions in our life. And we have so many obligations in our lives that we have to live up to. I mean, as a young man in my generation, you know, growing up in the 50s, you knew you would go through school and then you would get a job and be self-supporting. You could not ask your parents to support you and you were not going to move back home. You would get a job and be on your own and you would meet the girl or boy of your dreams and get married and have children. Even though we didn’t have a dime, it seemed to be engraved in titanium on our foreheads. That was what we had to do. And I did all that and it was fine. And my obligation was to take care of my wife and our, my babies, my, my darling baby daughters who are now 62 and 64, but still my babies. So those. My whole focus, my purpose in life was to take care of them and to do everything. Maybe in my heart of hearts I wanted to becoming another Hemingway and lock myself in a garret with a bottle of scotch and write a great novel. But I didn’t have time for that. I had to earn a living, you know. But as you get older, I mean, I’m going to, I’m going to tell a story about somebody I know. She was a stick of dynamite in her 40s, 50s, and 60s. I mean, very, very important jobs. I’m not going to mention the jobs, but they were big time, big stuff. And she’s a wonderful painter besides. And now she’s 82 years old and sometimes the body is not kind to you as you get older. But she’s not doing anything. She. And she’s not even painting. And I say, why are you not painting? Why are you not? Don’t get the easel out. She’s really a very, very talented painter. And no, I’m busy. I said, busy doing what? Walking the dog. Paying the bills. Not cleaning things as well as they should be cleaned. I mean, I want people to look inside themselves and say, what I really want to do is I want to focus on music or I want to focus on painting or a focus on writing or on reading or on volunteering on doing good things for other people, to help out at the hospital, help out at your church, go to church. You know, nobody goes to church anymore. It’s not the. It doesn’t have the popularity it had when I was growing up. Now a lot of churches are closing because they, like, church is a business and they can’t afford to go on maintaining everything. But I don’t know, I just want people to be involved. I want them to wake up and say, hey, I’m still alive and there’s a world out there and maybe I can do something to make it better.
Gloria Grace Rand
Absolutely.
James B. Flaherty
The best thing. If you can do something to help somebody else, it’s great.
Gloria Grace Rand
Yeah, it really does make a difference. And I, I had an opportunity to do that this week and my husband was very grateful that I was able to help him out. And so I’m very glad that I had that opportunity to be there for him. You know, one of the things you said, and this kind of still goes along with what you’re talking about having like that purpose. And in your book, you talked about having to summarize your life in six words. And I loved what you came up with. And I wonder if you could share that with our audience and explain, you know, what’s, what’s significant about that.
James B. Flaherty
Yeah, a wonderful. It was a professor somewhere that he, in a webinar, he said, I’m going to give you all five minutes. And in six, you’ve got to write six words that sums up who you are, what you represent and what you want to be in six words. And I. And I was thinking to myself, see, I’m kind of like, I wish I were as talented as James Michener, the fabulous author who once said, I love this quote, I can’t say hello in six pages. So I worked on it, and I came up with something which I still to this day have taped to the bottom of my monitor so that I have to look at it every day. I am present, living, giving, loving, and I try. I try to live up to that every day. I want to be. I want to be living in today’s world. I want to be here for my friends, for my family, and I want to be alive. And I want to give and to share and to love, because I think it’s all important right now. This morning I called a friend, a woman of an age who had been hospitalized with pneumonia. And I just called, just, I check up on her. If I don’t go by there, I check up on her every morning. And she said, good Lord, the hospital just said, they’re releasing me today. And said, is your house ready? And I, it’s not ready. It won’t be ready till Saturday. And then she took a deep breath and she said, Jim, could I come and stay with you all tonight? My son is going to pick me up. And I said, absolutely. And so sometime in the next couple of hours, a friend is coming over, and I happen to have a wheelchair handy, and we’re going to put her in the best guest room and take care of her for a couple of days, which I think it’s great. I’m happy that I am here and that I can do that. You know, I. And I. I went through. Up to three years ago, I was a caregiver for dementia for three and a half years. Boy, did that take it out of you.
Gloria Grace Rand
Oh, yeah, I can imagine.
James B. Flaherty
24, 7.
Gloria Grace Rand
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I, you know, and I love how in the book you talked about that importance of being, you know, being here, being here in the now. And I wanted to also suggest another way for you to look at, because I was. I thought you might pick up on it, but I didn’t notice it. But maybe, maybe I missed it somewhere that when you said, I am present, you know, and then you talk about giving, and it’s like, well, yes, you are that present when you’re giving of yourself to other people.
James B. Flaherty
Right.
Gloria Grace Rand
So So I, I, I like that. I, I think I’m going to adopt that, that slogan as well for me. And I, and I love how you put it on your monitor because I used to have a saying on it and I, I have a new monitor and now it’s on my computer. I think I realized I need to get it off my computer because I close it and I need to put it back on the monitor now.
James B. Flaherty
Yeah, absolutely. I, so I have to see it every day I am present.
Gloria Grace Rand
Absolutely. Well, I tell you what, we’re going to take a quick break here because I do want to talk to you about some other things and I’m just going to come back and see if I can. Yes. Remember how to come back appropriately. So stick with us because I want to be able to share with those of you who are listening and watching on YouTube that I have created an exciting program that is intended to transform your business in just 30 days. And it’s called Align to Shine Academy. And it’s designed to help you develop the confidence to make offers with ease and charge what you’re worth without feeling guilty. So it features four weekly powerful virtual training sessions, sound healing, daily guidance and community support. And as a bonus, you will also receive a PDF copy of my book, Live Love Engage. How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Start Being Yourself. So your investment is only $197. So I encourage you, if you are ready to start 2025 with renewed confidence and clarity, go to aligntoshinacademy.net for details. And I can’t believe that we are like in November and it’s like the end of the year is almost upon us. So I really hope that you will consider doing that and join us because the program starts November 26th. So I am going to bring our wonderful guest back up here and let’s see if I can remember how to do it correctly. I think, I think it’s. No, but still not that way. I don’t know. There we go. There we go. It’s that way.
James B. Flaherty
I thought I disappeared.
Gloria Grace Rand
I know, I know. You’re right there. So I wanted to ask you something else that I noticed you talked about in your book. Something about, I guess, another book you’re either a part of. I don’t remember exactly, but you talked about the fact that a company should own their weird and we should, too. So if you could talk about that since we have a lot of female entrepreneurs who are watching and listening to the podcast.
James B. Flaherty
Absolutely. You know, I don’t think our higher power, God, whoever He or she is said, okay, you must all be alike. All you guys have got to be like Adam and all you women have got to be like Eve. Each one of us is completely different. And there’s nothing wrong with being different, not being the standard. I’m not the standard 89-year-old. People say, we can’t believe, Jim, that you’re important in your church, knowing your mouth, being a writer. And I said, I have a rabbi friend who calls me a collapsed Catholic, which I love because I’m an elder in a Presbyterian church and sing in the choir and help direct the church. You know, you’ve got to do again, maybe that part of that is finding that purpose inside of yourself. You must be who you are. You must always represent the uniqueness of you. Otherwise you’re boring. You know, you have to come out. You’ve got to be able to face it and face the world and say, this is who I am. And you may not agree with it, but this is what I believe. You don’t have to be argumentative about it. I mean, it’s difficult these days, especially with the political tsunami waiting for us around the corner. It’s hard to say, gee, I favor somebody or I don’t favor. In fact, I find, which is sad for me to see at this age, after all the elections I’ve gone through of my life. Instead of people saying I’m voting for so and so because that’s the person I love most. Instead I’m hearing I’m voting for so and so because I hate them least, you know, which doesn’t really make me happy, but.
Gloria Grace Rand
Yeah.
James B. Flaherty
But being, being a little weird, being a little different, being a little unique, that’s wonderful. That’s why you are you.
Gloria Grace Rand
Absolutely. Yeah. And I so resonate with that because part of what I teach in my book and what I’m going into in this align to Shine Academy is something I call the love method. And the V in love, which is an acronym is value your uniqueness. And then the E is embrace your divinity. And I know you kind of talked a little bit about that as well with this concept of weird. And so I was like, ah, you know what, we’re right on the same wavelength. I love it.
James B. Flaherty
That’s terrific. Very much so.
Gloria Grace Rand
Yeah, you know, we talked a little bit about so how people can really, I guess, well, as you say, embrace your age. Why do you think it’s so challenging for people to really do that? You know, that they’re not really embracing whatever age they’re at. Frankly, you Know, I know when you’re a kid, you always want to be older, and then when you’re older, you want to be younger. So why do you think we have so much? Why is that so challenging for people?
James B. Flaherty
I was very interested. I saw an interview recently on Modern Elder Academy, which all of your viewers would like them very much if they would write Modern Elder Academy and put their names on the list for a free daily blog. It’s quite brilliant. That’s where that chapter on being weird came from. That came from Modern Elder Academy. But you know, embracing your age, it’s, it’s, it’s very, it’s very necessary to accept the age you are. But I, I’m sorry, I got off, I got off track there for a minute. I, in seeing one interview with Ellen Langer, who wrote a psychologist who wrote a wonderful book called the Mindful Body, she said if children have, if little children have old, traditional old grandparents, old, feeble, wrinkled, fetal position grandparents, they grow up fearing, growing older. If they have young, active, still living grandparents, they have no fear of aging as they grow. I mean you, I’m sure you know people, Gloria, as I do that from age 50, say, Gosh, I’m getting so old. And I think, huh, what? And I didn’t come from a long lived family. Of course, medicine was different, doctors were different. All of the Flaherty men died before 65. And so I thought, well, you may not be around, but mom was around till 85 and she was still hip and neat and terrific and fun and completely with it right up to the last minute. I thought, yeah, don’t worry about it. If you could take care of yourself. And by the way, that’s part of aging and embracing your age. You can’t say, well, hell with it, I’m going to go on eating Big Macs the rest of my life and smoking and drinking. Come on, folks, you have to accept the reality of aging. You must take care of the basic machine. Our bodies were nothing but an old refrigerator and now and then parts rust out. But if you really take care of the machine, it will last longer. I live a very healthy life, totally happy with it, you know, But I’ve cut eating down to two meals a day and I do 30 minutes of serious exercise every morning in my pool. I admit I’m very spoiled. I have a pool in my house because I live in New York state and where outdoor pools are very pretty. People have them and I know they use them maybe twice a week for a couple of months and that’s It. And I. Every morning I go in and I do serious with weight to do everything for 30 minutes. And I’m sure that’s why I am as healthy as I am.
Gloria Grace Rand
Oh, yeah, absolutely. I believe that 100%. And you’re right. It’s that mindset really makes a difference because I got to tell you that my, my in laws, you know, God. God rest their souls. My. My mother in law did not want to be 70. She, she. That was like, that was her number. And you know, guess what?
James B. Flaherty
Like, sounds good to me.
Gloria Grace Rand
I know. Well, within like two weeks or so, three weeks of turning 70, she was gone. She got what she wished for.
James B. Flaherty
Yeah.
Gloria Grace Rand
And then my father in law used to say, don’t get old, Gloria. And I’m like, I do want to go. Well, I. Maybe I don’t want to get old, but I want to live a long time. Yeah. You know, because I got a lot of living to do as, as the old, what was it? Bye Bye Birdie song, you know, So I don’t, I don’t want to, but I do want to be vital. I do want to be, you know, healthy and sound and in, you know, body and mind, you know, to be able to have that happen.
James B. Flaherty
Well, you use the wonderful word Gloria, which is very, very important. And it can’t be used or thought about too much, which is mindset. You are. The old saying is very true. You are as old as you think. Right. And if you think old, you get old.
Gloria Grace Rand
Yeah.
James B. Flaherty
And it. And people say to me, well, Jim, I mean, you’re 89. Don’t you ever worry that you might just kick off one of these days? And I tell them, we all remember George Burns. Who was one of the funniest comedians who ever lived. On his 95th birthday, a reporter asked him, Mr. Burns, do you ever worry about dying? And he said, I can’t die now. I’m booked.
Gloria Grace Rand
Yes.
James B. Flaherty
Yeah. I say to people, I suppose maybe life is. I could measure life in terms of 5, 10, 15, certainly no more than 20 years. But in truth, I don’t go to bed thinking, I wonder if I’m going to wake up on the right side of the grass tomorrow. I have a lot to do. This is, this is my, my schedule. This is my, my schedule. And every, every line, every line of the day. And I try to live up to it. And you know, there are things going on. I’m allowing time to relax, obviously, and to get enough sleep and to take care of myself. But mindset is everything. Your mind can control everything else going on in your body, you know, your mind is the strongest thing you have.
Gloria Grace Rand
Absolutely. Yeah. So I’m going to ask you a question then, because again, you know, this. Sometimes, you know, life is. Doesn’t always play fair with us, shall we say? So how do you. How do you handle life’s uncertainties and challenges? You know, I know you mentioned early on that, you know, you were. You were a caregiver, you know, with someone with dementia. And, you know, I can’t even. I mean, I do remember I had a grandfather who had that, and he used to wander off, and so I can’t even imagine how. How challenging that was. So. So what do you tell people?
James B. Flaherty
Again, it comes. Comes down to the fact that like life, as you say, isn’t always fair. And suddenly somebody you love has a debilitating cancer. And maybe, maybe it can be. You go to the right doctors, you go to MD Anderson in Houston, and if you get there on time, maybe they can cure it. But a lot of times they can’t. I had a very, very dear friend who called me a year. They came to visit me over a year ago. He and his wife, and he was having a tummy ache, and he went home. I said, have that checked. And he was only 64 years old. I was his first boss in New York when he was still a kid. So he still looks at me as dad. And he went home and he had pancreatic cancer. And he fought it for a year, and he. He. Bless his heart. He called me the day before he died. He said, I didn’t want somebody else to call you. He said, but I’m checking out, you know, okay, when. But when you are faced with it, first you determine, can we fix the situation? And if you can’t fix it, then how can we accommodate the problem and make that person as comfortable and happy as possible? You know, I mean, when I suddenly was confronted with dementia, which I really could not believe that I’m going to have to take care of somebody with dementia, I thought, it’s okay. And we. We did it for three and a half years, and I disappeared for three and a half years. That’s what I did. And if it had gone on for five more years, I still would have done it, because again, it’s. It’s your obligation, and it’s loving somebody and taking care of them and living up to the challenges of the day. I mean, life is not all lollipops and roses, you know, it’s not all Mary Poppins. Let’s face it. Life can be tough, you know, but life is very interesting. When my kids were 9 and 11, I came home and said, pack. And they said, oh, where are we going, Daddy? I said, we’re moving 5,400 miles. I accepted a job as creative director of J. Walter Johnson in Buenos Aires, Argentina, when they were 9 and 11 and we moved to Argentina for four years. It was wonderful. It’s a great experience. We still all speak Spanish, of course, and we lived in another culture, another world.
Gloria Grace Rand
Oh, absolutely. Yeah. What a great gift that you gave them to have that opportunity. I’m so glad that my children, we didn’t go to Europe when they were young, but as young adults now, they have been able to travel around the world and be able to experience other cultures. So I’m envious of them sometimes. Although I did finally get to Europe myself with my daughter. So I have had.
James B. Flaherty
Better, all the better. That’s, that’s fun. Yeah. I have one daughter, one daughter lives in England. I have two terribly British grandsons and two American grandsons.
Gloria Grace Rand
I love it. I love it. Oh, my goodness. I’m going to ask you another question that I like to ask my guests because I love coming, seeing the different answers that come by. So what are you curious about right now?
James B. Flaherty
Okay, going back to a personal thing. I’m curious about what I can create next. Can I finish the novel that I’m working on? I’ve just, by the way, I’ve just finished a fifth book which will be published in the next few months called Loving Longevity. And the subtitle is make the next 10 to 20 years your best. And underneath my name it says I’m 89 and have a 10 year plan. So I’m. But what am I curious about? I’m curious about how we as individuals can help make our, not just our families, but our communities and our world a safer, more compatible place. I am, I am concerned. You know, I’m old enough to remember a time when I grew up in Coral Gables, Florida, before air conditioning. And we bought the first heat pump, you know, and life, of course, life wasn’t as advanced as it is now, but in some ways maybe it was better when you, you, we said yes, sir and no, sir to our parents. And you talk, you looked at people in the eye when you talk to them rather than in your cell phone. You know, I’m curious about how we can maintain civility and courtesy and tranquility in this world because there’s very little of it. There’s so much tension and so much aggravation and so much angst. Everywhere you go, that. It really. It worries me. It worries me.
Gloria Grace Rand
Yeah. Well, I’m with you there. But I do meet people who are like you, shining your light in the world and advocating for folks out there to be kind and to be respectful. And so I still have hope that we can have more of that positivity in the world. Start coming around.
James B. Flaherty
Right.
Gloria Grace Rand
Is there. Oh, go ahead.
James B. Flaherty
No, you go ahead. Your turn. I’d rather hear you.
Gloria Grace Rand
Is there anything else that I should have asked you that I didn’t or any other last point you’d like to make before we wrap up today?
James B. Flaherty
No. I’ll tell you a very quick story. Two weeks ago, I was in New Mexico for a workshop with Liz Gilbert, who wrote Eat, Pray, Love. Fascinating. And I drove across New Mexico myself, and I was running out of gas, and a young couple stopped. I was nervous because it said low fuel. I stood out and waved my arm, and a young couple stopped. And they said, just follow us, sir. And they led me 15 miles off the road to a gas station. And they did that, expecting nothing in return. And I, you know, I went to them and I said, you kids don’t know this, but God has a big book. I said, maybe it’s a. It’s an Apple file and a giant computer, but I think he has a big book with the names of all the people in the world who, if they see somebody who is hurt or worried or hungry or thirsty, they stop and put a hand out, expecting nothing in return. I would like everybody in the world to do that. And it doesn’t have to be as big a thing as there’s an accident in the side of the road, yes, of course you should stop and offer to help. But as much as if the lady packing your groceries, which is not a real thankful job, if you say, aren’t you sweet to put all the frozen goods in one bag and thank you, you’re so efficient. She will smile at you, and what’s more, she’ll turn to the next person and smile and say, may I help you?
Gloria Grace Rand
Exactly.
James B. Flaherty
Any bit of goodness can go a long way.
Gloria Grace Rand
Oh, yeah. That is for sure. And I do make a point of doing that. Maybe not every time, but as much as I can. Because I do know when other people treat me that way, how good it makes me feel. So if I can pay it forward, that’s what I want to do. Well, this has been amazing, as I knew it was going to be. So if I want to have let you have an opportunity to let people know how they can get in touch with you. Maybe they can get your. Get one of your books that you have displayed behind you there. What’s the best place?
James B. Flaherty
Okay, fine. If you go to my website, which is my name, it’s just James, be like boy flaherty.com you’ll be introduced to all the craziness of me, of Jim the writer. Although now I’m also doing a lot of public speaking. And you’ll find nice summaries of all four books. The bottom two books for novels, fiction novels that I wrote first. And then as I hit my 80s, I started writing about aging cheerfully and productively since I’m trying to live it every day. But I’d be welcome to have you visit and I’d love to hear from you.
Gloria Grace Rand
All right, excellent. Well, I will have all of that information in the show notes and I certainly appreciate you taking time out of your busy schedule because for those of you who are listening to this and not seeing it, he had an 8 and a half by 11 sheet of paper filled all the way down with things to do, his daily schedule. So it’s crammed. You are no slouch, my friend.
James B. Flaherty
Absolutely. Okay. Yeah. Embrace your age. That’ll be good. Good reading for you.
Gloria Grace Rand
Absolutely. I highly recommend it because I read it myself and I enjoyed it so much. So thank you so much for being with us today. Really appreciate it.
James B. Flaherty
Thank you, Gloria. Been a real pleasure.
Gloria Grace Rand
And I want to thank all of you for watching and listening today. I really encourage you, if you’re not subscribed, make sure that you’re subscribed on your favorite podcast platform or on YouTube @Gloria Grace Rand. And until next time, I encourage you to go out and live fully, love deeply and engage authentically.
