December is supposed to be “the most wonderful time of the year,” as the old song goes… but what happens when your heart just isn’t in the holiday spirit? In this solo episode, I invite you into an honest conversation about grief, loss, and the pressure to feel merry when your soul feels heavy. I share my own personal stories of navigating Christmas without family, discovering that grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong either. We explore the many faces of grief: death, divorce, empty nests, lost dreams, changing identies, and the quiet ache of what might have been.

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In this episode, you’ll get practical, tender advice on handling gatherings, managing the pressure of “holiday happiness,” and giving yourself grace. You’re reminded that it’s okay to grieve, to feel joy and sorrow together, and to do the holidays in whatever way feels right this year.

Key insights include:

• Understand why the holidays can intensify grief, from traditionals and family gatherings to cultural pressure to “be happy”
• Discover the power of self-compassion, boundaries, and saying “no” as acts of self-love during the holidays
• Remember that you can feel grief and joy at the same time—laughing, smiling, or enjoying a moment doesn’t mean you’ve “moved on” or betrayed anyone
• Hear how community, retreats, counseling, and support groups can offer steady ground when the waves of grief feel too big to handle alone

As you finish this episode, take one slow breath, place a hand on your heart, and ask yourself: What is one small, loving thing I can offer myself today as I walk with my grief?

Resources:

If this episode speaks to your experience of grief – whether from death, divorce, transition, or lost dreams – you’re invited to take one small step of support:

Download my free PDF “How to Respond When You’re Grieving” guide: https://gloriarand.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/How-to-Respond-When-Youre-Grieving.pdf

Learn more about our upcoming Good Grief Retreat: goodgriefretreat.net

Take what resonates and leave the rest. No pressure. I’m just offering an open door if your soul is nudging you toward more support.

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TRANSCRIPT

Grief, Holidays & Healing After 50: You’re Not Broken

Welcome to Live, Love, Engage

Namaste. The holiday season is upon us. Joy to the world and all that, right? Well, not necessarily.

The sad truth, I guess, is that it’s also a time when grief can rear its ugly head. And that’s what I want to talk about today. So sit down, if you’re not already, pour yourself a cup of tea, maybe a glass of wine, or a glass of water, because we’re going to have a heart-to-heart talk about this subject, because it is one that’s near and dear to my heart.

So first, in case this is your first time here, or you happen to have stumbled across the Live, Love, Engage podcast, welcome. I am Gloria Grace. I’m a confidence catalyst and self-love advocate who empowers women over 50, through my love method and energy healing, to boldly live life on their terms.

Why the Holiday Season Can Amplify Grief

And as I said, you know, this year, this time of year, it’s, you know, it’s supposed to be joyful, you know, and everybody’s supposed to be happy and gay. Okay, not that, nevermind, you know what I mean. I’m showing my age when that word meant joy.

And you know what? I think for some people, it still does. But anyway, if you’ve experienced a loss in the past year, maybe even the past five years, whether it’s death of a friend or a loved one, or even a beloved pet, it can be tough to feel merry and bright. And I know firsthand what that’s like.

My Personal Story: Losing My Sister Two Days After Christmas

It’s nine years ago, but I still remember it like it was yesterday. My sister, older sister Michaela passed two days after Christmas. And yeah, and I tell you, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, I like, I could feel the end was near.

And so, yeah, it was not easy. And it was not easy in the several years after that, you know, when Christmas would come up, and this time of year. And even now, still, I mean, even now, it was like little tears are coming up as I remember.

Gosh, yeah, it’s amazing. You know, our brains and our emotions are really powerful things and how they hold on to memories. Even, you know, things, and in fact, I even, you know, I could even go back farther and remembering where I was and when I heard about my older brother when he passed.

How Holiday Memories Can Trigger Grief Unexpectedly

So, and then, you know, when you come up with the holidays, it’s like, and especially if you do happen to lose someone at this time of year, it’s like every year, you know, even when you’ve gotten past, you know, that initial really tough stage of grief, and you’re into the acceptance, it can still trigger things. In fact, I remember actually, last year, now that I think about it, last year at this time, I was driving somewhere, and I don’t know, something happened. I just started tearing up, but I let the tears flow.

And, you know, and then it passed, and I was okay again. But it was just that, those memories. But it’s not even, you might not even be, that might not be what you’re grieving.

Grief Goes Beyond Death: The Many Types of Loss

It might not be actually death of a person, specific person. It could be grieving your identity. Maybe this is your first year as an empty nester, and maybe your kids even, maybe they’re away at college, and they’re not able to come home for the holidays.

Or maybe, like my daughter who lives in Europe, so thankfully she was home a couple months ago, but she won’t be home for the holidays. I haven’t spent Christmas with her for five years, and I’ve had to deal with that. Sometimes it might be that you’re grieving, maybe the business you poured your heart into didn’t make it.

Or, you know, or some other dream that you had has died. Maybe a friendship ended this year, that one that you, maybe a long-held friendship, and for whatever reason, you know, it’s over. Could be a marriage ending as well.

So all of these things, all of these things can cause grief. And then the volume, the volume, I’m thinking ahead, it got ahead of me. The holidays can pump up the volume, as it were, on it.

You’re Doing Better Than You Think

So, you know, loss and loneliness and longing for what was or could have been. So if any of you listening to this or watching on YouTube can relate to this, do what I did just then. Take a breath.

Because here’s the thing. You know what? You’re doing better than you think. And you know how I know that? You’re here.

You’re listening to me talk on this podcast right now. So that shows that, yeah, you’re hanging in there. You’re even looking for support.

And we’re going to talk more about that in a little bit. So pat yourself on the back right now. You know, go ahead.

Say, yes, I’m here. I’m surviving. And I, this too shall pass, let me tell you.

Why Grief Feels So Much Harder During the Holidays

But so why does this time of year feel so much harder when you’re grieving? Well, you know, there’s the songs. Actually, I was just at a concert last night. And I don’t think they did this song.

But you know, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. No, what is it? It’s the most wonderful time of the year. There we go.

I knew the song would come back in my head. Well, sure. Yeah, for lots of people.

The Pressure of Holiday Cheer When You’re Struggling

But hearing all those songs about, you know, joy, like I said, joy to the world. And you know, all of these happy, wonderful songs. It can, you can start feeling some pressure from all that.

And it can be quite exhausting. So guess what? You don’t have to fake happiness. Because the people who love you are going to be able to handle your real feelings.

Holiday Traditions and Rituals Can Bring Up Painful Memories

Now, the holidays are also, it’s all about, maybe not all about, but it’s a lot about rituals and traditions, you know, the, maybe it’s that holiday meal that you serve, or it’s a religious service that you attend, or, you know, it’s, you know, and no matter what religion you are, there’s, there’s a lot of holidays that come around this time of year, you know, not just Christmas, I’m, that’s when I celebrate, but there’s Hanukkah, there’s, I know Kwanzaa, there’s, there’s, there’s lots of them. So with all of those, there are traditions, like I know for Hanukkah, there’s what the menorah, you like the menorah. And, and let’s say if it is someone that you spent time with, you know, whether it was a loved one, or whether it’s your spouse, or whatever, and they’re not, you’re not going to be spending the holiday with that person this year.

You know, it’s going to bring up memories, like, like, like, for me, when my sister was going through cancer, and I was out there, before Christmas, I was with her while she’s going through treatments. She wanted to bake Christmas cookies. And that’s something we always did in our family, is we every Christmas, my mom would go crazy sometimes, when I was really little, baking all these different, different kinds of cookies.

The Pecan Crisps Story: Cherishing Memories Through Grief

But my sister had a particular favorite, which is also my favorite. And they were these lovely, basically a sugar cookie with pecans sprinkled on top. So good.

Just thinking about it now, I actually, actually made them for my daughter when she was here. So she would kind of kind of celebrated the holidays a little early with her. But anyway, so, so she wanted the cookies.

I was like, okay, I’ll bake, I’ll bake these Christmas cookies for my sister. And so I’m, you, you make the dough, then you roll them up into little balls, and then you flatten them with it with a glass. And then you put the pecans on them.

So I’m going out, you know, I put all these things on the cookie sheet, and I’m flattening them. And she’s looking at them going, uh, you’re not doing it right, Glor. I’m like, what are you talking about? What do you mean? This is the way I always make them.

What’s your problem? She’s like, no, you need to flatten them more. So they come out crispier. The name of the cookie is pecan crisps.

So now that I think about it, makes sense. They’re not pecan chewies. So I was like, okay, I flattened them some more.

And then I put them in the oven. And when they came out, yeah, they were better. Big sister was right.

So that’s a memory now that I that I cherish. And and it’s a good memory that I have of the holidays, even though she was going through cancer, going through chemo treatments at the time. But you know, it was a way of us connecting.

And, and I think that’s important is to, is to hold on to those memories, you grieve them. But, but know that they’re always in your heart and they’re and they’re gonna be, they’re gonna live there. And eventually, like me, you you’ll be able to look back at that and maybe feel gratitude, maybe laugh at it, if it was something funny.

Understanding That Grief Has No Timeline

It just takes a while. Give yourself grace. And, and don’t worry about how long it takes.

Because grief doesn’t abide by any type of timelines. And everyone grieves differently. Everyone has a different grief lasts longer in different people and in different situations.

Each Loss Is Different: How I Grieved My Family Members

I mean, again, I’m thinking back, you know, I’ve lost pretty much all of the, I’ve lost all of the members of my immediate family that I grew up with. My parents, my parents are gone and my siblings are gone. And I know that I grieve differently for each person.

Because I also had different relationships with each person. And also, I think to my sister is the only person where I was actually with her. When she transitioned the other, my other family members, I wasn’t there.

And so I think that makes a difference as well. Anyway, where was I? Where was I going? Okay, so another reason why this time of year can really heighten those feelings of grief is because there’s sort of this sense of gatherings, you know, and it can feel sometimes like forced, like you need to go to this holiday party, or you need to go to, you know, this person’s home for the holiday meal. And when inside, you’re like, I don’t want to.

Permission to Skip Holiday Gatherings

I just want to withdraw. I want to go curl up in a ball somewhere. I do not want to be around people.

And, and that’s okay. And, and, and also you might be even, you want to avoid people like, you know, really focusing on it, maybe asking questions and, you know, and things like that, that you don’t want to deal with. So you don’t have to manage their discomfort, because they don’t know what to say, for one thing.

And you don’t have to feel obligated to attend these gatherings if you don’t want. And I will share another story from my life that sometimes the flip side might be true, is that you may want to go somewhere. So the year after my sister passed, and it’s December, or maybe it might be even better, even around Thanksgiving, and I’m just, you know, starting to think about Christmas.

Why I Spent Christmas in Texas After My Sister’s Death

And at the time, my, yeah, I think my, I think both kids were planning on coming home for Christmas. They were, I think my son was still in college. I think my daughter might have been.

Yeah, I think, yeah, I think they both might have still been in college yet. I think my daughter is getting ready to graduate, possibly. No, she’d already graduated.

Oh, never mind. Anyway. Sorry, that’s not the point.

Point is, we were going to be home, you know, it was probably just going to be this quiet Christmas with just my, you know, my kids and my husband and our pets. But the thought of that, and then usually at Christmas, we would invite my husband’s cousins over. And, you know, and so I would be cooking up the holiday meal.

And the thought of doing that was just like, no, I’m like, I can’t do this. I can’t do it this year. I can’t.

I just, just can’t. And I knew that my sister-in-law lives out in Texas. And she has three sons, my nephews.

And she has a big family because her husband has a big family. And so they have, they always have like big, big gatherings over Christmas. And so we’ve never spent Christmas with them out in Texas.

They used to come to Florida when the boys were little, but we haven’t ever gone out to spend Christmas with them. And I don’t know if I came up with the idea or maybe my husband did or the kids did, but whatever. It was like, let’s go out to Texas.

Let’s spend Christmas with them. And it was really good because I got to distract myself around all of these people. Because again, you know, she’s, she’s got three kids of her own.

They had, a couple of them had girlfriends that were coming. My, my brother-in-law, then his family was there. I mean, on Christmas day, I don’t know, there was probably 25 people in the house at one point, I think, but it was great because I could just kind of watch what was going on.

You know, I could just kind of take it all in, you know, have like conversations here and there, but I didn’t have to focus on my grief. I could just be that observer and just be, be in the moment and not have to really deal with my grief. And that’s how I handled it.

There’s No Right Way to Grieve During the Holidays

So be open to all possibilities is what I’m saying. You know, that sometimes being alone is what you need. And sometimes being with a bunch of people can be a good distraction.

And it’s, there’s no right way. That’s my point. There is no right way to grieve, especially during the holidays.

Avoiding the Comparison Trap on Social Media

You know, a couple other things can come up. You know, one thing is, you know, and this, this comes up a lot for all types of things is the comparison trap that you might fall in. You know, everybody’s posting wonderful pictures on social media about these wonderful gatherings that they’re going to and all these fun things.

But you don’t know the full story behind that picture because maybe they’re going through their own grief journey, and maybe they cried in the car before they went into the party. You know, just know that you’re not alone. Okay.

Even when it might feel like you are. And, and I mentioned, you know, this before, you know, about this grief doesn’t have a timeline, but there can also be this pressure of time because it’s the end of the year, you know, and New Year is coming. And, you know, people talk about making New Year’s resolutions and all this, all this stuff.

Grief Comes in Waves: A Book That Helped Me Heal

But, but again, you don’t have to buy into that. You, you can just grieve on your own timeline. And, and I will put in a plug here for, oh, I should have should have grabbed the book to show maybe I’ll put it in the video when I’m editing.

But it’s called Grieving Mindfully. And it’s just a little tiny little paperback book. But one of the things the author talks about in there is that grief comes in waves.

And, you know, not only this time of year, but, you know, birthdays or anniversaries can bring up those waves of grief. And sometimes they’re going to be big waves. And sometimes they’ll just be little ones.

You know, like, like I mentioned earlier, you know, last year, when I just had the had the tears come through for a little bit, and then it was okay. So yeah, and check it out. And just as an aside, how I how I found this book is one of the things I love that, that, you know, God, universe, source, it’s always looking out for us.

Signs from My Sister: Finding “Grieving Mindfully” in My Bookcase

You’re never alone. Because a couple months after my sister passed, I was going through my bookcase and and happened to see this book. I didn’t buy this book, I realized that this was a book that came from my sister’s house.

She had bought that book. And so I really I just took that as a sign of like, thank you, Michaela. She’s still helping me helping me from the great beyond.

And, you know, she knew that I was needed some support with with with grieving. So how, how can you navigate this, you know, now we’ve learned already, you know, this, these are why this comes up. But now we got to see how we can get through it.

Practical Ways to Navigate Grief During the Holidays

And I’ve kind of talked a little bit about it. But as I said, at the beginning, you have permission to do things differently. So maybe that is saying no, no to parties, no to hosting.

You can start some new traditions, maybe or, you know, and skip the old ones entirely. You can leave early from someplace, you can take a break, you can change your mind at the last minute. One of my first clients taught me this, you know, no is a complete sentence.

Setting Boundaries Is Self-Love, Not Selfishness

And it’s okay to set boundaries, because they’re not selfish. Boundaries are an expression of self love. And I also know sometimes though, when you are saying no, sometimes you can start feeling guilty about that.

Because you don’t want to disappoint people, I get it. But they’ll get over it. So I encourage you to practice some self compassion.

And if you happen to do feel guilty, then practice a little self forgiveness. It’s okay. You will get through this.

It seems really hard in the middle of it. I tell you the that that first year, I really did feel alone. But, you know, and it was tough, but, but I got through it.

And I’m, you know, time, what’s the cliche, time heals all wounds? Well, it, you know, they might not always get they may not get completely healed. But they’ll heal enough that you can move forward. And I think that’s the important thing.

Grief and Joy Can Exist Together

You can also miss someone and still laugh at a joke, or a funny movie. You can feel sad and grateful. At the same time, you can grieve what was and be curious about what’s coming next.

Grief and joy can occupy the same space. So you’re not betraying anyone by having a good moment. You’re not over it, just because you smiled either.

It’s called being human to have these conflicting emotions at the same time. You know, it’s okay. And also feel free to talk about them if you can.

Say Their Name: Don’t Hide Your Grief

You know, it may be too hard, but if you can, you know, if you lost someone, say their name, tell stories. And, you know, or even if it is grieving, you know, a lost dream or lost pet or whatever it is, just don’t have to pretend that it doesn’t matter. You know, again, the people who care about you, they’re going to be there to support you.

And the ones that don’t, that’s their problem, not yours. And you don’t need to worry about them. Now, I know sometimes when you are in gatherings or just, you know, in conversation with people, we oftentimes don’t know what to say when someone is going through grief.

What to Say When People Make Hurtful Comments About Your Grief

And it can be really hard to hear these things. And so I put together a PDF with a list of responses you can use during those moments when people say things like, you know, shouldn’t you be better by now or over it? You know, it’s been a long time. Or, you know, they wouldn’t want you to be sad.

Or when someone was trying to get me to sign up for a program, oh, they would want you to do this. Like how the heck do you know? You don’t know my sister. You don’t know that she would want me to jump into this coaching program like, you know, six months after she passed.

You don’t know that. That’s another story. I may tell that story one day on the show.

Anyway. So anyway, I’m going to put the link in the show notes. It will be right there.

All you got to do is download it. You don’t even have to give me your email or anything. It’s my gift to you for this holiday season.

So yeah, I’ll have it in the show notes. So if you’re listening to this somewhere, check it out there. I’ll also put it, yeah, I’ll put a link to it in the YouTube description as well so you can download it.

Self-Care Practices for the Grieving Heart

Give yourself space to cry also. You know? Or light a candle in their memory. Look at photos.

Maybe write them a letter. That might be useful. Let them know how you feel about them leaving or whatever it is.

Even write a letter about your dream. Write a letter to your business and say I’m really sorry that you’re not here anymore. I really wanted this to succeed.

You can do that as well. And last thing, and I think I mentioned this a little bit earlier, is get support. This one, yeah, this really made a difference in my life, let me tell you, because healing happens in community.

Why Community Support Is Essential for Healing

It is so important to be with people who understand that grief isn’t linear, you know, that it has its own timeline. And also that to have someone there to listen to you that isn’t going to try to fix you. They’re just going to hold space for you.

It’s so important. And so, you know, maybe it’s a counselor. I reached out to a counselor and worked with them for a while.

Maybe it’s a grief group. I did that as well. It’s great.

You know, friends, you know, if you’ve got a good friend you can talk to, they’re so they can be so supportive. Maybe you go on a retreat. I actually went on a one day retreat.

Yeah. And met a wonderful woman there. And actually a bunch of other lovely ladies.

And they we had this talking circle and I wound up crying during it. And they were so great and holding support for me. So, you know, or maybe it’s an online community.

I think there’s probably you go on Facebook, I’m sure there are all kinds of grief groups there that provide support. Whatever it is, just know you don’t have to get through this alone. And you’re not going to always feel this heavy.

Really, I can promise you that. Because like I said, I’ve gone through a lot of loss in my life. And it’s hard in the moment.

And it’s hard, you know, maybe even that first year, maybe even two years, whatever. But you will get through it. And right now, however you’re feeling right now is okay.

It’s how you’re supposed to feel. It’s or maybe that’s how you’re supposed to feel. But it’s just it’s what you’re feeling and that’s okay.

You’re human. You can own those feelings. And just know that it’s what’s right for you.

The Good Grief Retreat: A Safe Space for Healing

So if you’re navigating this journey and you’ve been doing it alone or maybe you’ve tried a bunch of different things, you know, you’ve done the counselor route, you’ve done the grief support group and you still feel like you need something else, I want you to know something is that I’m actually co-facilitating a grief retreat in June 2026. And I’m doing it with my lovely friend Patricia, who I mentioned that I attended her retreat. And so we actually, the two of us came up with this idea, but we also have, we’re also bringing along Patricia’s daughter, Jess, and another wonderful woman that Patricia has worked with, Catherine.

And so the four of us are coming together to host this retreat in the Blue Ridge Mountains in North Carolina in June, like I said, June in 2026. And it’s called the Good Grief Retreat. And when Patricia and I came up with this idea, we, yeah, we just thought that name was so good because for one thing it conjures up, you know, the old Charlie Brown comic strip where he would always say, good, or would he say good grief, or maybe Lucy would say good grief, Charlie Brown.

What You’ll Experience at the Good Grief Retreat

But it’s also a way of saying that grief can be good. It is good. It’s a human emotion and we’re allowed to feel it and we’re allowed to heal it.

And that’s what this is for. It’s to help women who are going through any type of loss, you know, like we talked about today, death, divorce, transition, your dreams, your identity. And we’re putting together this three days of safe space where you’ll have a community.

And it’ll be, we’re offering some healing modalities to help and support talking circles like I experienced. And I’m going to put the link in the show notes as well as I also have it up here on the video for you as well. But I will put it in the YouTube description as well.

And, you know, you can just go there if you want to learn more about it. Got a lot of good information on there. No pressure, just an invitation.

Because you deserve support. You really do. And as I said, healing happens in community.

That’s the best place for it. So before we end today’s episode, and I hope you’re subscribed if you’re not already. And especially if you haven’t have gotten some value out of today’s, you know, you’re going to want to subscribe to the podcast on your favorite platform or on YouTube.

Light Language Healing for Grief and the Holidays

But I want to now invite you to settle your nervous system a little bit. Help you find some peace as we head into the thick of the holiday season. And hopefully help you to lighten your load a little bit.

So I want to share my modality which is light language. And it’s a lovely multi dimensional form of communication that speaks to your heart, speaks to your soul. Not necessarily something you’re going to understand with your logical mind.

And that’s okay. You don’t have to. And I would encourage you to listen to this when you can be in a place where you can be still and quiet and not focused on anything else.

Preparing for the Light Language Session

So if you’re listening to this while you’re on a treadmill, or you’re driving a car, pause the podcast, come back to it later where you can be sitting in a nice comfortable chair. And you can just close your eyes if you like. Breathe in.

And breathe out. And just set the intention that I do as well is that whatever you’re going to hear right now will be for your soul’s highest good. And the highest good of all concerned.

And will help you in whatever way you need some support right now. Okay. Let’s see what comes through today.

Yeah. So I hope that whatever is on your heart today is feeling a little lighter. And if later today it feels a little heavy again, that’s okay.

You can always come back and listen to this again, you know. But also know that it’s normal. Like I said, grief comes in waves.

And you know, sometimes they’ll knock you down. I was in the ocean not too long ago and waves knocked me down a couple times. So yeah, grief can do that to you.

But you know what? You can get back up again. Now sometimes you might need to have somebody pick you up. My daughter was there to kind of help me get back on my feet again.

And whoever that is for you, I hope you have them there to help you. And I’m here too. You know, if I can be of any support, you know, look me up.

Final Encouragement: Give Yourself Grace This Holiday Season

My wish for you is give yourself some grace. Enjoy the holiday season as best you can in whatever way works for you. Maybe it’s putting on a sad movie.

Maybe it’s putting on a comedy. Do whatever feels right. Do some journaling maybe.

Write a letter. Go for a walk. Meditate.

But know that no matter what, even if you feel like you’re alone, you’re not. You are divine. You are a spiritual being living a human life.

And you can always go within and ask for support. And you can go without and ask for support too. You can go reach out and get some support.

So until we meet again next week, next Tuesday, I encourage you to go out and do your best to live fully, love deeply, and engage authentically.