Have you ever walked on eggshells around a loved one, wishing you could have a healthy debate without fear of sparking conflict? Or found yourself regretting harsh words exchanged in the heat of a disagreement? Maintaining healthy relationships while navigating differing beliefs can feel like an uphill battle. But what if there was a path to respectfully debate without damaging precious bonds?
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Show Notes | Transcript“Keep the door open for continued conversation. It illustrates the relationship is more important than whether someone is right or wrong.” – Philip Blackett
Ever wonder how you can disagree with someone you care about without causing a rift? In this candid conversation, Philip Blackett, author of “Disagree Without Disrespect,” reveals a compassionate 5-step framework for engaging in meaningful dialogue – even when viewpoints clash. Drawing from his diverse background spanning ministry, entrepreneurship, and an MBA from Harvard, Philip shares transformative insights to separate ideas from identity, actively listen beyond surface assumptions, and prioritize the relationship over being “right.”
Through personal anecdotes and eye-opening examples, you’ll emerge with:
- Powerful strategies for defusing tensions when disagreements feel intensely personal or emotionally charged
- Profound insights into cultivating curiosity to understand others’ perspectives and the “why” behind their beliefs
- Eye-opening reframes for cherishing diversity of thought as a gift and keeping the door open for continued growth
- Practical tips for communicating respect, even amid differing opinions – from handshakes to shared experiences
Whether navigating political debates, workplace conflicts, family gatherings or disagreements with your closest confidante, this insightful conversation offers a refreshing roadmap to approach differing opinions with empathy, self-advocacy and the grace to nurture – not sever – important relationships.
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Connect with Philip Blackett:
Website: philipblackett.com
Book: Disagree without Disrespect
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TRANSCRIPT
Gloria “Grace” Rand
Namaste. Do you find it challenging to share a difference of opinion with employees or clients, family or friends? Well, the author of Disagree without Disrespect is joining us today to offer his guidance on how to disagree with the people you love and work with without damaging your relationships. So. But before I bring him on, I’d like to welcome those of you who are new to live, love, engage, and let you know that I am Gloria Grace, and I help female entrepreneurs attract more clients with calm, clarity, and confidence by releasing negative thought patterns like self-doubt and poor self-worth. And I am delighted to have Philip Blackett as my guest. In addition to being an author, he is a consultant and entrepreneur. He has a Master of divinity degree and an MBA from Harvard Business School, so he’s no slouch. So I’m going to bring him up to the stage right now, and we’re going to officially welcome you, Philip, to live, love, engage.
Philip Blackett
Thank you so much, Gloria, for having me. Happy to be here with you.
Gloria “Grace” Rand
Well, I’m really glad to be talking about this, because if anybody, frankly, in the world, but definitely in the United States, there’s just been so much strife, I guess, and discord, and it just seems to be so difficult to be able to disagree civilly with anyone anymore. Tensions just get really high. And I know that, you know, you’ve obviously written a book on this, so let’s just get right to it. So let’s talk about, you know, how are we able to have conversations? How can we start having conversations with people and be able to disagree respectfully?
Philip Blackett
Right. So I think it’s a great question, Gloria, and it’s a question that goes beyond just this year. This is something that we have to navigate every year with everybody. Because here’s one thing that I would say to you, Gloria. I know for a fact that if you and I spent a week together, I can assure you two things are going to happen. One, you’re going to find some things that you and I are in complete agreement with, feel like we’re brothers and sisters. The other thing I’m going to guarantee you on is you’re probably going to find some things that either you disagree with me on or vice versa. I disagree with you on, and we might be on polar opposites, and that’s normal. That’s okay. You see, the problem isn’t disagreements in our relationships. It’s how we navigate them respectfully. And it’s not having to deal with an election. This can go for two people thinking differently about a problem or believing in something different beyond just who you’re going to vote for. Because one of the things I learned is that in any interpersonal relationship, whether it’s your, you with your kids, your parents, your colleagues at work, your friends, you’re bound to find a disagreement. You’re bound to find something that you don’t see eye to eye on. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t be in a relationship or in friendship with that person. I would argue the opposite, that it is possible for us to disagree with someone’s view and still respect and love that person in a healthy relationship.
Gloria “Grace” Rand
Well, I understand that you’ve got, you have, like, a five step framework for doing this. Can you share, you know, maybe at least a couple of. Couple of those steps? I don’t know if you may not want to necessarily give everything away. I suspect it’s in the book, and we want people to be able to buy the book, but maybe you can, you know, share one or two steps with us.
Philip Blackett
Yeah. So I think the first thing we have to do if we want to disagree with others respectfully, is first separate the idea or belief from the identity of the believer. The reason why that’s important, Gloria, is that oftentimes depending on the person, depending on the idea at hand, you may come across somebody that is so intertwined with that idea or belief that it essentially becomes who he or she is. And so the challenge with that is if you’re disagreeing with that idea or belief, that person may take of it as you’re disagreeing with who they are. If you’re criticizing that idea or belief, they may take it as you criticizing them or hating them, which makes sense for them to get defensive, raise their guard up, maybe be aggressive, maybe get into some name calling with you because they’re trying to defend themselves. But if you can separate the idea or belief from the identity, then we can actually have a going conversation about this. That’s the first step.
Gloria “Grace” Rand
Yeah, that makes, that makes sense. I mean, because I can, because just thinking about it, it’s like if you really can feel like, you know, they’re just really hurting you because you’re so closely tied in with that. So how, how can you. Well, actually, I’m going to ask you this first. How can you, how can you recognize that? Because I’m wondering if, because maybe it doesn’t seem necessarily like it may be easy to recognize. I don’t know. What do you think?
Philip Blackett
Well, an easy way to find out is somebody’s emotional response. Right. And somebody is really drawn to what you’re talking about. If they feel particularly heightened as far as their response to you, whether it’s in their voice and their mannerisms, if it’s in their actual body posture, then you might have struck a nerve here, you might have pushed a button that you can at least be able to say, hey, let’s push back a little bit. Pump the brakes a little bit. I’m not attacking you. Let’s be clear. I’m not criticizing who you are. I actually respect you. It’s more so the idea or belief we’re talking about, that’s where we see differently. And that’s okay.
Gloria “Grace” Rand
Now what happens, though, because I’m, because I’m thinking sometimes it just seems like, and I’m thinking right now, I had, I had a friend of mine, I think, who was in a conversation with someone where it was just, she just couldn’t get through to her, and she finally just had to just kind of walk away. So is, does there come a point where sometimes, you know, if you, even if you’re, you know, trying to say, you know, look, I’m not attacking you, you know, I’m just a, you know, I’m just, it’s just this issue. Do sometimes, do you just have to kind of back off?
Philip Blackett
Absolutely. Sometimes, it’s not, it doesn’t behoove you to have a conversation with someone if you feel like either it’s going to get personal pretty quickly, if we’re going to get involved in name calling rather than actually debating the merits of the issue at hand or if you feel in some way threatened. I wouldn’t want you to be in a position like that. And so it probably is best for you to advocate for yourself, to say, you know what? I don’t mind having this conversation with you, Gloria, but I sense that this is pretty tense, and I don’t want this to, you know, threaten one or the other or make one of us feel bad. And so if it’s not the right time, if it’s not the right topic, I’m perfectly fine with us opting out of having this debate or of us having this conversation. We can talk about something else. We can do something else. We don’t have to have it. Because what I’ve learned is that when somebody’s sharing their perspective or opinion with you, Gloria, we ought to take of it as a gift. The reason why I say that is because oftentimes, most people don’t have to share with you anything, oftentimes in fear of disagreement and fear of what that disagreement can lead to, a lot of people keep their conversations on the surface level unless they come across somebody that they feel more trusting, that they could be more vulnerable and open with and honest. And that’s where you’re having these more candid conversations, because they feel like they’re in a safer space to have them, even if they don’t agree on everything or they don’t know everything. So it’s in this sense, too, that that’s not the case with the interaction you’re having. It’s okay to say, you know what? This might not be the right time for us, or I do want to get in this conversation, and you set the boundaries of the rules on how you do it. You know, one would be the sense of, I want to debate the idea more so based on its merits. Right. Like, let’s talk about the facts, the logic, the research, the reviews, the results, the performance, the analysis, all that sort, like trying to keep it objective, apples to apples comparison, rather than all up in your emotions, trying to name call and that sort of thing. And if we can do that, great. But if we can’t, then, once again, this is nothing against you. This is nothing personal towards you. But I choose not to go down this road with you if that’s not gonna be the case. And that’s perfectly fine for you to advocate for yourself that way.
Gloria “Grace” Rand
Yeah. So what other steps can people take? Let’s say that now. Let’s go the other way, that they do find that they’re able to engage the person a little bit more, that they’re gonna be able to have a conversation. Or actually, let me ask it this way. What… are there maybe some pitfalls that you want to avoid when you’re, you know, let’s say you’re going to go ahead and have this discussion, but you want to make sure that, you know, that you don’t maybe inadvertently push their buttons, let’s say.
Philip Blackett
Well, oftentimes it’s, it’s the beauty of conversations when they’re beyond the surface, that that’s the only way you find out if there are any landmines to avoid. And sometimes it’s just a matter of trial and error that you might push a button that you didn’t expect to push, but you have to address it at that point. But I think what comes out of this, Gloria, is the second step where, you know, it’s okay to disagree with the idea or belief and still respect and love the believer. You know, one of the things I learned growing up in church was we were called to hate the sin and love the sinner. So two things could be true. I can disagree with what you just said, Gloria, and I can still respect and love you as my friend. And I think, if nothing else, we take away from the book or our conversation, if we’re able to have that sort of agreement with people we talk to, that, hey, I may disagree with what you just said or what you did, and I still respect and love you as my friend, my child, my colleague at work, my neighbor. What it does is it helps disarm people, brings their guard down where they feel like, okay, I can have this conversation with Philip, and he’s not going to all of a sudden unfriend me. He’s not going to all of a sudden swipe left or unfollow me or give me the cold shoulder or curse me out on social media in the comment section. We can actually have just a conversation, just sharing ideas, sharing information, even if we disagree. I think that’s a breath of fresh air for a lot of people if you allow that safe space to be involved.
Gloria “Grace” Rand
Yeah, that makes so much sense. And it is kind of sad, because I know I’ve been seeing on social media people unfriending, and frankly, sometimes I have done that as well, only because it just seems like the level of vitriol has just been too high of what they’re saying. Not even just necessarily to me, but even to other people. And I’ve decided that, you know, I don’t have to necessarily, especially if it’s not someone that I’ve been, like, a close friend with for a long time, you know, because that’s the thing on social media, there’s sort of this different levels. You know, there’s people maybe that you’ve known for many, many years. Maybe you even met them in person. Shocker. As opposed to people you’ve only met online. And I think it can be sometimes a little more easily easier to let go of some of those relationships maybe that aren’t quite as deep as you have had with other people. I wanted to ask you, what actually prompted you to write this book? Was it something that you experienced yourself or, you know, I’d love to know a little bit about that.
Philip Blackett
Yeah. The secret about this book, Gloria, is I actually wrote this originally for myself because, you know, I went through a number of different things growing up, and even to this day, where, you know, it could be awkward to have a different point of view. You want to share it with somebody, but you’re afraid of how that person’s going to respond, or better yet, how they’re going to reflect on who you are and if their relationship with you is going to change as a result of having a different point of view. So even for me, the book origin came last year around 4th of July. So I invited my sister and her family, I invited my mother to my house with my family to all get together for the 4th of July fireworks. And so my sister and I were in the living room with my mother. We were having a conversation, and quite frankly, I don’t remember what the topic of the conversation was. Gloria. What I do know was we were on opposite sides of the spectrum on this issue. So while we were actually, like, discussing, some people would say, debating the issue at hand. Yeah. My mom jumps in and I thought initially, okay, are you gonna pick my side? Are you gonna pick my sister’s side? And she was like, neither. We’re not going to have this conversation because what I don’t want to see is fireworks before tonight.
Gloria “Grace” Rand
Yeah.
Philip Blackett
So while I understand her intent behind it, as far as trying to preserve the peace, keep a family memory, something we look at fondly years later, what I do realize the impact of her action was it made it a lost opportunity for us. And what I mean by that is, my sister and I, we don’t see each other often. We don’t live in the same neighborhood, let alone the same state. So when we see each other in person, that’s significant. And I think you probably would agree with me, Gloria, that in the age of smartphones, social media, and texting, some conversations are better to be had in person, face to face. And that was an opportunity where I could have shared something that was important to me or learn something about her in person that we didn’t have. And that was all because of fear of a disagreement, potentially, and what that could lead to. And so my thought coming out of that was, you know, wow, like, if that was happening with me, I wonder how many other people around the world are experiencing something similar, where essentially there’s something that’s important to them, they want to be able to share it with somebody they care about, but the concern about whether or not we disagree and whether or not the relationship suffers or even ends because of it. You don’t even get into that type of conversation. You keep things surface level. You do small talk forever, ad nauseam because of that fear. And so I said to myself, hey, is there a better way we could have done this? What’s the framework we can embark on that to help navigate disagreement respectfully. And that’s what came out ultimately in the book. Disagree without disrespect. How to respectfully debate with those who think, believe, and vote differently from you.
Gloria “Grace” Rand
Well, and, yeah, yeah, families are… Family discussions can definitely get heated. And I know that especially, like I said, I mean, over the last, you know, 8,10, ten years, twelve years, or whatever, it’s just we’ve just gotten so quick to sometimes even form opinions and then quick to fly off the handle, I think sometimes, too. And so I think, I would think one of the things that I would advocate and maybe let me know if you agree with this, I think, is when you’re getting involved in a conversation, to sometimes just stop and pause and breathe for a minute and think before you speak, because that does wonders for helping you to get out of that reactive mind. Because especially if you do get triggered, you know, just, just pause for a moment. Just, just think before you speak, and then you can decide, do you want to walk away from that situation, or do you want to be able to. Again, as you were saying earlier, I’m not upset with you. It’s the issue. I want to be able to discuss this issue. And if this isn’t the right time for that, that’s fine.
Philip Blackett
And something else I would add, too, Gloria, like, even with the breathing and thinking before you speak, I also would say this is a perfect opportunity to communicate, almost to the point of over communicating, that it’s okay for us to have this conversation. It’s okay for us to disagree. I still respect you. I still love you. Nothing is gonna change off of that. And so being able to help assure somebody, almost, in a sense, like, I expect us to not see eye to eye on everything, oddly enough. And the fact that we do disagree, it’s okay. You don’t have to be afraid of that. You don’t have to run out of the room. You don’t have to hang up the phone, and I’m still going to be here. Even at the end of the conversation, if we don’t see eye to eye, I’ll still shake your hand afterwards. I’ll still want to get a burger or a drink or pizza with you afterwards. I’ll still keep you as a friend on Facebook. Like something that simple. If every one of us had taken that option more often, we wouldn’t have this sort of vitriol, I would assure you, because you’re helping people understand disagreement is expected, and you can still respect one another through that disagreement and still have a relationship.
Gloria “Grace” Rand
Yeah. Yeah, I was. I always like to say, you know, let’s just agree to disagree. You know, we’re just gonna. That’s it. We’re just disagreeing on this matter, and that’s okay. Well, we don’t have to. But I want to ask you something, though, maybe that might help people to, I get, or maybe just, is this in what your opinion is? You know, is there a way still, though, that we can, you know, try to find some common ground, maybe just, you know, by asking questions about the other person, being curious about, you know, why they do have an opinion that is, you know, opposed to yours? What do you, what do you think about that?
Philip Blackett
Yeah, so I think that’s perfect. You know, that’s part of step three when you’re talking about debating based on the issues at hand, based on merit, not on feelings, not on name calling, not on getting things personal. A part of that is dealing with active listening and asking questions, being curious, like trying to see beyond the surface of why somebody is believing or thinking or voting the way that they are that’s different from yours. And just that sense of curiosity honestly works wonders because you’re learning something from that person that probably 99% of the world doesn’t know. And simply by just asking a question and then following up with another question, not with what you’re going to say next, not your rebuttal, but just take, like, disarm myself? Like, look, I’m not even debating you at this point, Gloria. I just want to learn, because now, once you shift the objective from, I’m trying to prove myself right and superior to your point of view and prove you wrong, and I change that to more of, this is just an information sharing exercise. This is just more of an exchange where I’m actually getting to know you better than I did before having this conversation in the first place. So already that’s a win. And if you look at it from that standpoint, now you’re saying to yourself, okay, help me understand. Why do you think the way that you think, what is so important about it? Is there a backstory behind it? Is there something I’m not seeing? What would you wish more people knew about what’s going on or how you thought? Like, answers to those questions, you get beneath the surface. You start to better understand that person a lot more. And if nothing else, even if you, quote, unquote, agree to disagree. What often happens, Gloria, is you come away from that conversation not only just with a breath of fresh air, as I said before, but more so, the sense of saying, like, wow, like, I wasn’t expecting that from Philip, because I hadn’t expected it from anybody. I’m usually, like, coming in with my fists, ready to be on the defensive, ready to call somebody outside their name. But this one actually listened to me. He actually was intrigued. He actually was curious. He actually wanted to learn more. And even if we didn’t see eye to eye, he appreciated us having the conversation. It wasn’t a waste of time to him. And I think, honestly, I know that. That my intent in doing that wasn’t to win the argument. But I can assure you, a byproduct of that approaches that person you just had the conversation with is more open to what you have to say afterwards, if for no other reason. The law of reciprocity plays a role here, too. Like, okay, if he hurt me out and he was respectful enough to ask questions in that sort, maybe not with everyone else, but maybe with Philip, I might return the favor and ask him, hey, why do you think the way to you. And now you’re having that sort of sharing of information that, like I said, regardless of whether one comes on your side or vice versa, there is indeed a shared benefit and a win collectively between the two of you that wouldn’t have happened otherwise.
Gloria “Grace” Rand
Yeah, that’s so true. Because people want to be heard. We want to be. I think it’s just the way we’re wired. We want to be the center of attention, or at least, maybe not everybody, but I would say a lot of people, even shy people, I think at times, they still want to be able to be seen. They want to be heard. Heard at times. And if you are coming at them kindly and. Yeah, and then showing genuine interest in what they have to say, then I think that will go a long way towards helping to foster, certainly better communications. And then. Yeah, and then you can decide to either you might be able to change the other person’s mind. You don’t know, but at least you’ll understand where they’re coming from. And that makes a huge difference, I think, just being able to be able to understand another person’s point of view, if we all did that more, I think life would be so much better.
Philip Blackett
Let me ask you this, Grace. I want you to think for a quick moment. Who’s, like, your best friend? You don’t have to give me a name, but just think about your best friend for that person. What makes that best friend your best friend?
Gloria “Grace” Rand
I would say, well, they do listen to me. Yeah. That’s one of the key things, is they will let me, you know, vent and they will be supportive. And I’m thinking, too, it’s like there have been times where we have, where we have disagreed and, you know, or I did something even that they didn’t like and then I made amends for it. But, yeah, I think it is. It’s because we are, we’re both willing to listen to each other and to support each other. And so I think, yeah, that does make a world of difference.
Philip Blackett
Yeah. You took my second question right out my lips on that one because I was going to ask you is, like, with your best friend, for how many years have you agreed on everything?
Gloria “Grace” Rand
Yeah, I would say no. And in fact, I’m thinking of, and I’m even thinking of another, I’ve got a friend from college that I’m still, you know, we still talk, not very often, but, you know, but when we pick up, it’s like we were, you know, back together again. And. Yeah. And I’m thinking even the last conversation, I think she said a couple things like, yeah, I don’t quite, I don’t quite agree with that, you know, but it’s still together anyway, you know. Yeah, I’m not going to let that ruin our friendship.
Philip Blackett
So that’s the main idea, though, because I think everyone can think of a best friend, a significant other, a spouse, somebody that has a significant role in his or her life. And if you think about it honestly, you probably have had disagreements in the past or in the present, but for some reason, you two are still together. You’re still connected, you’re still friends, you’re still married, you’re still together. And so what happens is I want us to think about that from the sense of we can do this because we’re already doing this among people that we care about, that we go beyond the surface with them. We do go through disagreements and fight sometimes, but yet, and still we found a way to navigate it because believe we realize that the relationship between one another is more important than whether or not you’re right or you’re wrong. The relationship should trump whether or not somebody is right or wrong. And that holds the day with keeping these type of relationships and friendships going the distance. And so the question then becomes, what can we learn from those type of relationships and friendships and apply them with people that we may not currently have those type of relationships or friendships with? And so what I will often imagine is a lot of that that we learn from those relationships. We can apply also for those we don’t have those same type of relationships with.
Gloria “Grace” Rand
Yeah. And then I think that helps then to possibly build that type of relationship because you’re willing to do that, to treat that person the way you would. And I’m another thing, though, I’m kind of thinking of, and this kind of goes back to in the beginning when we were talking about, you know, dealing with people, though. There are some people sometimes, though, that no matter what, they just like to be right. So how do you handle those? Especially maybe it is, you know, even like a significant other or maybe, you know, maybe your, maybe your sister or, you know, your brother or something that someone that it is important to, maybe even a boss, I don’t know, which makes it even more challenging. So what advice do you have for people in that situation?
Philip Blackett
So a couple of things come to mind for me, Gloria. One is there’s a curiosity in my mind to want to ask that person, why is it so important for you to be right in this conversation? And I would just let that person answer, I be quiet and I will let that person answer, why is it so important for you to be right here? Because two things are going to happen. One, you’re actually going to learn something for what that person’s going to say as far as why that person has to be right. Two, they probably aren’t expecting you to say that. So in some sense, it’s causing them to reflect and maybe they can come to the gist of understanding. I never thought about it like that. Or this is why. Or maybe it’s not as important for me to be right, because the follow up for me would be, is it so important for you to be right to come at the expense of our relationship? That’s what I would ask afterwards. And let that person answer it.
Gloria “Grace” Rand
Yeah.
Philip Blackett
And that answer that that person’s going to ask, answer in response will help guide you on where you go from here. Because one of the things I truly believe is that when you share something that’s important to you, that’s a thought that you didn’t share with other people beforehand. It’s a gift. And what happens with the gift is you now see how that other person treats and respects your gift of giving them that information and what they do with it is going to help predicate for you, will you keep giving that gift? Will you do something different next time? And oftentimes in my own relationships, relationships that keep progressing, I’ve been predicated on people that appreciate it and cherish and respected the gift of my opinion and perspective in a way that kept us growing. The ones that didn’t; they showed me clearly where they stood. Maybe they wanted to be more right than, you know, have a relationship.
Gloria “Grace” Rand
Right.
Philip Blackett
And you make a decision one way or the other, we’re just gonna have to do something different here, and it might mean parting ways.
Gloria “Grace” Rand
Yeah. That is so valuable. I really appreciate that. And it’s. It’s so basic. I don’t know why. Why wouldn’t never think about that. But it really does make so much sense, and it. Because it really. It gives that person a chance to. Yeah. To really kind of take a look at it and justify it for themselves. And I’m so glad I asked you about that. And I love your response to that. That was perfect. Thank you. Is there anything else that I should have asked you about that I didn’t with relationship to relationships?
Philip Blackett
Well, one thing I’ll say is. So I kind of talked about steps one, two, and three and a little bit of step five, which is, you know, cherishing the relationship. But I’ll finish off four and five here. Step four is talking about essentially, you know, at the end of the debate, whether we agreed or not. Or agreed to disagree. Right. Let’s do what we did when we were younger playing sports. The end of the game, win or lose. What did we do as a team? We lined up, we shook hands, and we said, good game. Whether you felt like it or not, you still had to line up and shake that person’s hand, because otherwise, you’re not being a good sport. And what I would argue is good sportsmanship is not only needed when we’re young, but good sportsmanship is also needed even more so when we get older, because nobody likes a sore loser just as much as no one likes a sore winner. And so to be able to have a debate or a conversation back and forth and still appreciate that person. Gloria, thanks so much for sharing your input here. I didn’t know this. I didn’t know why this was so important to you, but I appreciate you trusting me with that information. For us to have a conversation, even we disagree, like, I appreciate that. And that leads to step five, where you can respect that person and love that person. But more importantly, even if you disagree, chalk it up as diversity of thought, something I wish more people would embrace in the relationships. Right. But even more so, keep the door open for continued conversation. You shouldn’t look at this as a one off, transactional, up and done sort of thing. It could be something where it’s like, you know what, Gloria, thank you for telling me that. I saw that there’s an event with the speaker that talks about this exact topic we were just talking about. Why don’t we go together and maybe have some coffee afterwards and continue the conversation? Just something to keep the ball rolling, because oftentimes you learn more. As a result, people respect you enough, even more so, to invest more of your time to get to know you better. Right. But even more so, what it illustrates still is, once again, the relationship is more important than whether someone is right or wrong.
Gloria “Grace” Rand
So good. So good. I, I want your book to be, like, required reading for Congress, you know, because there used to be a boy on time. I still vaguely remember it when I was little, you know, where, where we could actually have, have debates between the political parties, you know, and have them compromise and come up with, with legislation.
Philip Blackett
So, Gloria, like, I’ve actually, that was part of the motivation for me, too, because when I was growing up, I’ve seen two people battle it out in the debate room. I’ve seen two attorneys go at each other’s throats in the courtroom. But the odd thing is, no one really talks about what happened. Oftentimes after the case was done, those same two attorneys often saw outside the courtroom. They did shake hands more times than not. And more times than not, I saw them having a burger together, getting a drink after work, going to their, you know, friend’s daughter’s soccer game or getting holiday cards. So it was like, what? Like, you disagree with each other. You were at each other’s throats, and you still wanted to hang out together. It’s like, yeah, what I did, that. That’s, that’s part of work. But there can be something beyond work and beyond disagreement that you can still have a relationship with. And that was like a huge, like, light bulb moment for me. And I think that we don’t have enough examples of that in our society nowadays that, unfortunately, people are not thinking that’s possible. And that’s why this book and this framework, I feel, is so important to help people understand not only is it possible, but it’s something we’ve been through before. We just got to relearn what the rules of engagement are to bring more of that back in today and going forward for the next generation to repeat as well.
Gloria “Grace” Rand
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Because it comes down to, it really does come down to respect. It’s showing respect for the other person, being able to respect them as a whole person, because, you know, I’m sure, you know, you are, you know, you have a divinity degree. You know, I believe we are all children of God. So that. But that means all of us, you know, not just, you know, a few of us. No, all of us are. So if we can see God in each other, then we’re going to treat them better. And so, yeah, we just need to start. And. And it starts with everybody listening to this podcast today, everybody watching it. Just start practicing that. Do what you can where you are. And that’s the important thing. Oh, we got an actual question here, and let’s see if we can tackle this real quick. It just. Someone on LinkedIn was asking, what if the attack or resistance comes across consistently where it just seems personal and not a disagreement?
Philip Blackett
So this is a perfect opportunity to say, listen, do I want to stay involved with this or do I want to opt out? You know, just as much as you are, you know, able to engage with it. And this is part of the thing for me, too, because, you know, sometimes you get so pressured that you want to stay in a relationship or, you know, because it’s like, like, that’s my, that’s my mother, that’s my sister, that’s my friend, that’s my spouse, that’s my colleague. So you feel like you have to just endure it. You just have to take it. And so the part of me, it goes twofold. One is, you know, this is an opportunity to help educate people with this framework, with this new approach, to disagree, respectfully saying it’s okay to disagree. Let’s just go about things in a better way than before, right? So that person can opt in for that and go that journey with you and respect you for doing that. Or on the flip side, if they say, mm mm, I still want to call you outside of your name, I still want to badmouth you, I still want to do these things because I’m just so angry. Once again, having enough respect for yourself, this is like, comes to, like, self-respect, self-love, self-advocacy, to say, listen, I respect you. I care about you. I also respect and care about me. And I love myself enough to know that I don’t want to put myself in a situation or in an environment where I am going to be consistently attacked or hated or criticized for having a different point of view from yours. And because of that, we have two options here. Either we do better and continue to engage, or we go about different ways because I respect myself enough to say, listen, I don’t want to do this to myself. I don’t want to be witness to this. And maybe my absence may motivate you to think about doing something different so that we can be together again.
Gloria “Grace” Rand
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Because you really do need to take care of yourself first. And if it is getting to be too personal, then you have every right to be able to take care of yourself and say, I’m withdrawing from this situation. So I appreciate you sharing that. I know this has been a wonderful conversation. We could probably keep going for a while. But I do want to respect your time as well as our audience. So I want to ask you to, if someone wants to be able to get your book or to be able to contact you, what’s the best place for people to do that?
Philip Blackett
Yeah. So the best place to, to get my book, “Disagree without disrespect: How to respectfully debate with those who think, believe and vote differently from you,” it’s on Amazon, so you can look it up by that title. I also understand that’s a pretty long title and subtitle. So if that’s the case, you can look up, disagree without disrespect or look up my name, Philip Blackett. P h I L I P B l A c K E t T. You’ll see that book along with some other books I’ve written. Or you can also, you know, contact me on my website@philipblackett.com, or connect with me on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram. Just look up my name, Philip Blackett.
Gloria “Grace” Rand
All right, excellent. Well, thank you so much for being here today. And I know our audience got a lot of value out of it today. I received a lot of value out of it, and I’m glad we didn’t have to, we didn’t have to disagree today. So. But who knows? If we, if we chat again later, you know, we may and. But that’s okay.
Philip Blackett
That is okay.
Gloria “Grace” Rand
So thank you so much for being here today. I really appreciate it.
Philip Blackett
Absolutely. Thank you so much for the opportunity, Gloria. I appreciate our conversation.
Gloria “Grace” Rand
And I do want to thank all of you as well for watching and for listening. And I hope that you will join us again and next week. And if you aren’t subscribed to the podcast yet, make sure that you are subscribed on your favorite podcast platform. And let’s see. I think that’s probably going to do it. Yeah, that’s going to do it for me for this time. So until next, next week, I encourage you to go out and live fully, love deeply and engage authentically.