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Creating Happiness Habits with Barbara Ellison

Do you have any happiness habits? On today’s episode, Barbara Ellison shares why it’s important to take action so you can make happiness a normal part of life. Barbara is a Transformational Life Trainer specializing in teaching how to have the physical, mental & financial fitness to age gracefully.

On this episode of the Live. Love. Engage. podcast:

  • Barbara shares the challenge she faced after becoming a widow
  • How Barbara determined what to do with her life
  • What to do when you don’t know what to do
  • Why Barbara believes happiness should be the norm in life
  • The shocking number of days per year that people wake up grumpy
  • How to start creating more happiness in your life
  • The problem with “positive thinking”
  • The value in forgiving yourself
  • Why complimenting someone is a simple yet powerful practice
  • Barbara explains why it’s not selfish to be happy
  • What to do when you wake up feeling “out of whack”

Connect with Barbara
email: Barbara (at) trendsinmarketingenterprises.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/barbara-ellison-midlifementor/

Resources:
Cartoon Search Engine: PerfectCartoon.com

Quick Links:

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Live. Love. Engage. Podcast: Inspiration | Spiritual Awakening | Happiness | Success | Life

TRANSCRIPT

Gloria Grace Rand:
Namaste. And welcome back to another edition of Live Love Engage. I don’t know why I always say that, cuz I know the intro just plays and tells you that this is the name of the show. But, ah, you know, I like to do it anyway. So I wanna, I wanna welcome you all here and I wanna welcome our guest, who is a delightful woman. I know we’re gonna have a lot of fun chatting today. No pressure. But anyway, her name is . Her name is Barbara Ellison. So, welcome to Live Love, engage Barbara.

Barbara Ellison:
Well, hi there, Gloria Grace. How are you doing today?

Gloria Grace Rand:
I’m doing fabulous. Yes. And yeah, just, just fabulous. Cause I get to do this. I mean, this is like the highlight of my day when I get to talk with people. So

Barbara Ellison:
Isn’t it the truth? That’s a for me too. And first of all, thank you so much for having me. I mean the, I remember the first day we, the first day we actually chatted, it was like, ooh, kindred spirit.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Hmm and absolutely.

Barbara Ellison:
And always when you find the people that are in alignment with what, with what you’re doing, it’s like, that’s where the magic happens. So thank you so much for having me.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Absolutely. All right. So I know you’re all wondering. Okay, so who is this lady? And you know, what, what has she got to say that that’s gonna be useful? So Barbara is a transformational life trainer, specializing in teaching you how to have the physical, mental, and financial fitness to age gracefully, basically to make the rest of your life the best of your life. And she is on a mission to actually make happiness the norm rather than the exception. So yeah, that’s definitely what we’re all about here. You know, it’s live fully, love deeply, engage authentically, and, and, and if you’re not, if you’re not happy, you’re certainly not gonna be able to live fully Exactly. Or, or do any of the other stuff for that matters. So I’d like to usually start off with just asking our guests a little bit about themselves in, in particular, how you wound up becoming this transformational life trainer.

Barbara Ellison:
You know, I, one of the things for me, and this I, I think, applies to everybody that is in this space, whether they’re a speaker or a coach or a consultant or whatever it is, it starts with their own, with their own journey. And my journey started when I lost my husband 10 years ago. And when I woke up from my widow’s fog, which is a tangible thing, and I can tell you exactly where I was sitting and what I was doing, it was like, okay, I, and in that minute, I now know that that’s when my mourning stopped. And I realized that David had died. I had not, which was a revelation. However, at that moment, I also realized that I had no idea who I was outside of all the labels that I, myself, and society had put on me. You know, I was a daughter and then I was a wife, and then I was a mother, but then I was divorced, so I was a failure, but then I was a success again because I got remarried and then became, uu know, I was a wife again and I became a grandmother and I had a business, but now I’m a widow.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Hmm.

Barbara Ellison:
Who was I in all of that? And Gloria Grace, it was absolutely the most scary moment of my life.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Hmm.

Barbara Ellison:
Because it was like, now what? I had no idea. I knew what I didn’t want, but I had no idea what I did want. And that was the scary part. But I said, you know what, for heaven’s sakes, Barbara, you’ve been brought up that you pick yourself up, you go on and you’re gonna figure this out. Well, I did a smart thing. I joined a coaching pro program called The Ultimate Game of Life. Give them a plug. I loved it. It got me going on my journey. But then one day my coach, his name was Phil Black, “Hi Phil,” and he shared with me that he also was a coach for another company, and they were going to be having an event in Montreal. Well, I’m from Montreal, and I was going to Montreal to visit my family. He said, well go to the event.

Barbara Ellison:
And I said, okay. Well, I went thinking I’ll just go to the first session, I’ll leave, fulfill my duty as my friend has my friend and coach, and then I’m done. Well, I was glued to my seat and by the second day it was like, this is what I wanna do. I wanna become a personal development trainer and learn how to, because I am not the only one that is in this situation. Whether it’s through the loss of a loved one, or loss of a job or whatever you’re facing retirement. That’s a big thing for a lot of men. They’re facing retirement and they have no idea who they are outside of the title that they’ve had for 40 years.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah.

Barbara Ellison:
And that was the start of it. And then several years ago I had the privilege of being part of a and it was called the Next Impactor. And after, after it, one of my friends said, well, Barb, what do you wanna do next? What do you, you know, what what do you want? And I said, you know what, I just want people to be happy. And that was like, it came from the bottom of my soul. So everything since then is about, Hey, I want, I’m on a mission to make happiness the norm rather than the exception, you know, because I truly believe that God, that we deserve to live happy, healthy, financially free, abundant lives. So now everything that I do is in that, in that space. And so now I love it. But now I’m 72, so , now I’m working with the people that are got, have gotten older. The baby boomers. Right. The baby boomers make up 30% of the population, and a lot of them are retiring. Mm. A lot of them are hitting middle-aged. They’re becoming, women are becoming empty nesters. Yeah. Ooh, Yikes, who am I outside of being a wife and a mother?

Gloria Grace Rand:
I know. Yeah. It’s, it’s, it’s, it’s scary. And, and, and I know a lot of, I’m, I’m in some empty nester groups ostensibly to do some research really for, for, because I wanna be able to work with those types of, you know, women going through that as well. But it, it’s, it’s interesting. I mean, I’m an empty nester, and yet Yeah, I went through a little bit of, you know, missing of, of my kids. But some of these women, God bless ’em, they are just so bereft and, and they just, yeah, absolutely. And I, I love that. That’s, you know, that again,

Barbara Ellison:
Here’s my .

Gloria Grace Rand:
You’ve got a little kitty there wanting to be on camera. I see. Yes.

Barbara Ellison:
Yep. Anyways, so Sorry,

Gloria Grace Rand:
, you know, our cats are our babies. It’s all good. Exactly.

Barbara Ellison:
They want attention. They want attention.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah. For sure. You, you mentioned something, I wanna actually kind of go back to this because I thought this was, this was an interesting point that you made. You said that you, you knew what you didn’t want to do, but you didn’t know what you did want to do. And how was that for you? Because I, I can, you know, I it is, it seems like it is, it’s really easy to start coming up with the things of what? Of, you know, okay, yeah, I don’t wanna do that. I don’t wanna do that but I know I experienced this after my sister passed because. I was at an, an event and someone wanted us to, you know, imagine this life, you know, this new life. And it was like, I was coming up blank. It was horrible.

Barbara Ellison:
Exactly. I was blank. Yeah. What do I want? Well, let’s start. And that’s what I tell my clients, if you have no idea how to move forward because you’re just stuck in where you are, okay, let’s eliminate, let’s go back, let’s take a step backwards. Let’s sit and breathe with, okay. What do you not like about your life right now?

Gloria Grace Rand:
Hmm.

Barbara Ellison:
Oh, hmm. Well, I didn’t know, I didn’t wanna go back to what I was doing as a, as a business that was, you know, my husband and I had done it together, and I just couldn’t, even though, even though we were making income from it and a regular income with it when he passed away, when he got sick, It was kind of fell by the wayside a little bit because I was focusing on taking care of him for two years.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Sure. Of course.

Barbara Ellison:
I wasn’t focusing on doing a business. So it kind of fell by the wayside a little bit. And then it was like I couldn’t pick it back up again. That was what we had done together

Barbara Ellison:
And I couldn’t go back to it. So that was one thing. And so I knew I didn’t wanna do that. So that was the start of, okay, well if you don’t wanna do that, what do you wanna do? Well, sometimes when you can make even that one little realization, you become aware that, okay, that’s what I didn’t want. You know, God and the universe will give you something. I got a phone call from this man who I, who he, he has now. I talked to him just a few months ago, in fact. But his thing was, would you like to do online marketing?

Gloria Grace Rand:
Hmm

Barbara Ellison:
Hmm. That tickled my fancy . I said, I’ll try that. Why not? It was something so out of my wheelhouse. So completely different. So that’s one of the things that I suggest sometimes to people too, is when they’re saying, do something that’s so completely opposite of what you would ever possibly do, because it’ll start the ball rolling. Like, like one of the analogies that I use is a friend of mine, she has a Harley trike, and last week we went for a ride. We were going for a ride and we were standing in the middle of, in front of my house going, okay, where are we gonna go? And I said, well, let’s just get on the bike and decide when we’re going. But I always try to do a Facebook Live before we go on a go on a ride, just because it’s fun and show it’s showing part of your life and that.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Sure.

Barbara Ellison:
But what I did was, I used it as a life. So, okay, people, this is a life lesson. You might not know where you’re going right now, but at least get on the bike because once you get on the bike, whatever that bike is, sometimes it could be starting a business, some kind, sometimes it could be sending an email, sometimes it could be, you know, doing a speech, you know, whatever that is. Just get on the bike.

Barbara Ellison:
And I had so many comments that you are right, just get on the bike. See? And then, because when you start, when you, when you take one step forward, the universe and God, or however you believe in it, like for me, it’s God for other people, it’s the universe or source, or the divine or whatever you wanna call that, higher than, than us. It will give you a little nudge And all you have to do is be open to that nudge, just get on the bike and see where it takes you.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Mm-Hmm. Yeah. I, I love that. It’s, it’s so true. Cuz it really does, it’s, it’s, it’s how you start then getting momentum. Cuz then you can start putting your foot on the accelerator a little bit. And it doesn’t even have to be a lot, just a little bit. Because so often, well, you know, I, I felt like this, it was like I had like one foot on the gas and one foot on the brake, and I couldn’t make up my mind, you know, what, where to go, what to do. And it was so frustrating for so long until I started to do, frankly, part of it was getting into action, even doing the stuff I didn’t necessarily like to do anymore.

Barbara Ellison:
Exactly.

Gloria Grace Rand:
But it, but it did get me going again. So why is it so important to make happiness the norm?

Barbara Ellison:
You know what happiness impacts every area of your life. Whether it is your relationships, whether it’s driving down the street, say, okay, so like, say you, you are going somewhere and you’ve left yourself a little bit not enough time. .

Gloria Grace Rand:
Oh yeah. Yes.

Barbara Ellison:
Okay. And we’ve all done it. Yeah. And now you’re stuck in traffic if you do not have that sense. And it, and happiness in a way is kind of like a cliche, but if you don’t have that sense of you will be getting, you will get so stressed out, you’ll be thinking of all the things, oh, why? And, and then you start the inner dialogue

Gloria Grace Rand:
Mm-Hmm. Oh yeah,

Barbara Ellison:
Why didn’t you leave earlier? Why, why are you doing this? Why didn’t you prepare better? Why didn’t you, da da da da da, and all of the, how could you have been so I can’t believe you did this, you know, and now you’re stuck in traffic and, and then you, so it just escalates. But if you have that sense of happiness, like for me, that’s to me what it is. Or that sense of joy that, okay, yeah, I kind of blew this right at this moment and I am stuck in traffic. However, what am I gonna do with this piece of time that I’m stuck in traffic?

Gloria Grace Rand:
Mm-Hmm.

Barbara Ellison:
Rather than berating yourself, what can you do? Okay. Yeah. I could have done it better, but, oh well, I’m here, I’m here now. So what can I use this time to think about? That’s something positive. And one of the things that I share with people a lot is that it takes three positive thoughts to offset one negative. And one of the things, and I was just talking to Jason the other day about this, is that they, you know, like people research everything. You wanna find out anything people, somebody has researched it well, one of the things that they did was a study of how many days out of the year does the average person wake up grumpy?

Gloria Grace Rand:
Hmm. Okay.

Barbara Ellison:
Take a guess. What do you think?

Gloria Grace Rand:
Oh, I have a feeling it’s really high compared to what I would hope it would be. So I dare say that 200 maybe?

Barbara Ellison:
No.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Oh no.

Barbara Ellison:
300 days out of the year.

Gloria Grace Rand:
No. Oh my god.

Barbara Ellison:
Yes it is. Because it’s the natural when you first wake up. So that’s one of the things that I work with first with my clients is that your day does not belong. Does not begin when you wake up, your day build begins the night before.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Mm. Yes.

Barbara Ellison:
So the night before take, even if you only take five minutes, I would, I really encourage people to take 10 or 15, but to just sit with your day and just say, okay, this is what happened. Congratulate for yourself for the things that you did Well. Look at the things you could have improved. And gee, okay, well no, I could have, I could have done that better and I’m gonna do it better this way tomorrow. And the things that you cannot do anything about that you thought you failed at completely let it go. Because then overnight you have a chance for your subconscious to work on the things that you’re gonna be positive the next day. So then when you first wake up in the morning, you can say to yourself, rather than beating yourself up for the stuff that went on yesterday.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Right.

Barbara Ellison:
Okay. All right. You know what, Barbara, you say today’s gonna be a great day. You feel great. Thank you Lord. That as a friend of mine says, I laugh every time she says it. She says, at least right now, I’m on this side of the dirt. Just be grateful that, oh, thank you Lord, that this is another day. Yeah. And this is what you know, and it’s going to be a great day. And so when you can start that, and then if you, then when you get stuck in traffic, then that ha that happiness sets in, because you can say, okay, yeah, I could have, I could have prepared a little bit better or left a little bit more time, but, but it’s okay because now I can think about something that I’m gonna do later that’s gonna be a positive thing. Rather than getting get, rather than getting caught up in all the negative things.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah. Yeah. Cuz that just, it does not do you any good. And then when you get to where you’re going, usually you’re still in that terrible mood and then that just affects whatever it is you had to do. Or it affects the people who are you maybe we’re gonna meet and they don’t need to hear all of that. So Yeah. It’s

Barbara Ellison:
You’re a frazzled mess. That’s what I call, it’s like you’re a frazzled mess.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Exactly.

Barbara Ellison:
Yeah. And then it takes more time to get that because people know it. People can feel it.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah.

Barbara Ellison:
I mean, you can walk into a room and, you know, when somebody’s just being, I just, you know, let’s just say it like it is just being witchy, . They’ve done that. And I can, I can see times in my past because when I’ve done that, we’ve all done it. So forgive yourself for those things and then just go on. Yeah. So yeah, it’s but it starts, I I always try to really work with people. It starts the night before and then first thing in the morning, be positive.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah. I, I love it. Yeah. I do, I do a gratitude practice before I go to bed at night because Yeah, you’ve gotta pro you’re essentially programming your subconscious and.

Barbara Ellison:
Exactly.

Gloria Grace Rand:
And it’s so important to do because Yeah. It makes it so much easier. But still 300 days, I mean, that means two months. That means basically two months out of the year, you’re, you’re waking up happy. That’s sad.

Barbara Ellison:
Exactly. Isn’t that, I couldn’t believe it when I heard that.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah. Yeah. What, what other tips do you have? Maybe if you can share maybe one or two others that would help our audience to be able to, you know, reframe and, and to be more positive in their life.

Barbara Ellison:
All right. One of, one of my favorite things is that, you know, we all, we hear all the time, oh, just think positive, just think positive, you know, the power of positive thinking and Oh, we’re, all I have to do is think positively. . The only problem with that is when you do it to the exclusion of everything else, it’s like you standing, it’s like you’re, if you’re standing in your garden and you’re looking at the garden saying, oh, there’s no weeds. Oh, there’s no, there’s no weeds in my garden. What weeds, what weeds? There’s no weeds in my garden. . Well, of course, you know, that’s not true.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Right.

Barbara Ellison:
However, what, so what you have to do mentally, and you have to look at your weeds and say, okay, pick one out. Start picking them. Now some of the weeds is it, you have to ask yourself, is it really a weed or is it just a, a plant that’s just in the wrong place and it needs to be moved to another part of your garden where it can grow and bloom and become a beautiful part of your garden? And so that’s, so that’s okay because some things you’re doing right now, you might not you might not supposed to be doing it right now, but you don’t wanna completely get rid of it, you’re gonna do it later. Okay. Absolutely. But some of the weeds really are weeds and those are the things that you feel negatively about the hurts that you’ve had. Are you focusing on something that happened in the past? Are you worried about something that’s going, that might go on in the future? Get rid of those weeds, pick those out, because those are the things that cause negative emotions.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Mm-Hmm.

Barbara Ellison:
It’s, yeah. Yeah.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Can, can you share an example of what would be something that you would need to transplant?

Barbara Ellison:
You know, like Okay. Once in a while. Okay. Like for me, I have just now taken a positive in a positive intelligence class. Okay. But I started it quite a while ago, but it wasn’t the right time for it. But now it’s coming to fruition because, oh, cuz I did the six weeks back in, I did a six weeks preliminary back in April.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Hmm.

Barbara Ellison:
Okay. It wasn’t the right time for it then, but now it is. But back then it was causing me stress. Oh, I’m not getting the, you know, like, Ooh, what am I gonna do about this and how am I gonna do this? And, and it was like, okay, Barbara, stop. Let this go for right now. See what, see when it comes around again and now it has come around and now I’m ready for it. It is absolutely falling into place. I have new pod mates that I’m gonna be going through it with, that we’re gonna be helping each other to set it all up. So exciting. But if I had tried to force it back in, back in, in May.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Right.

Barbara Ellison:
It would’ve been stressed. So Yeah. So there are things like that, that happen within our lives. We take it on. Well, sometimes I think one of the things that I share with people too is that no is a complete sentence.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Oh yes. Yes. . I learned that lesson a long time. Oh, absolutely. Yeah.

Barbara Ellison:
Don’t take on something that, you know, in your heart. Like, I had one of my gals that she was complaining that, oh, I have this to do, I have this to do, I have this to do, I have this to do. Well, why did you take on all those projects? And then, you know, and she was like, oh, right. And then one of my other gals, she was, oh, I’ve got this, I’ve got, so I’m so stressed. I said, well, who’s in charge with, who is in charge of your schedule? . Oh, well me, . Well are some of those things you’re doing weeds in your garden

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah.

Barbara Ellison:
Let them go or transplant them to another time. Doesn’t mean you have to let it go, but just transplant it to another time. When you have the time to enjoy it and nurture it and water it and feed it, that’s when you’re go, that’s when it’s going to be fun.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah.

Barbara Ellison:
If it’s not fun, you’re missing, there’s something missing in it.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Mm-Hmm. What would you say to someone though who is like, well, you know, this person needs my help and this person and, you know, and if I, if I don’t do it, you know, I’m gonna feel bad and, you know, or, or they, they, you know, they’re real, it’s a really worthy cause and I need to be able to do it. So how would you counsel them?

Barbara Ellison:
It’s so funny that you’re saying that because the number one tip I have for people is ignore what other people say or think about you.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Hmm.

Barbara Ellison:
Their opinion of what you do or do not do is none of their is none of your business because you have no control over how somebody else, whether if they’re gonna give you a hard time, if they’re gonna try to make you feel guilty because that’s, that’s about them, that’s not about you.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Mm-Hmm.

Barbara Ellison:
So just, yeah, just, just say no is a complete sentence.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Mm-Hmm. I like that. Yeah.

Barbara Ellison:
No is a complete sentence, so just ignore what you know, because you can’t do anything about it. Because whether you do or you don’t, you are either gonna be stressed or they’re going to make you, or they are gonna make you so cranky and busy that it’s, you’re not, you’re not enjoying your life. Yeah. And yet you’re trying so hard to make their life perfect.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Mm-Hmm. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Oh, and that, oh, and that just reminds me of, I think I first heard this with,with,Esther Hicks and Abraham, that, you know, you know, the concept of selfish, you know, and that, and then it’s like, so it’s, it’s selfish for me that I’m not doing what they want me to do. Exactly.

Barbara Ellison:
. Exactly. And, and, and that’s exactly what happens. Yeah. and so people get caught up and, but, but what will the neighbors say? Yeah. Well, you have no control over what the neighbors say because on any given day, any situation is neutral. Some of them are, some of you are going to agree with it, some of them are not. It’s, it’s, it’s kind of like all the craziness that’s going around, you know, that’s still going on all these years later. I don’t mention the word anymore. Just all these crazy, all this craziness. For some people it was the worst thing ever. For some people it was the best thing ever.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Mm-Hmm.

Barbara Ellison:
The event itself was neutral. Yeah. It was just how you interpreted it. Absolutely. And that’s the same with what people think of you.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Mm-Hmm.

Barbara Ellison:
It’s only matters what you think of you and if you are in alignment, big key there.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah.

Barbara Ellison:
If you are in alignment with what you know that you are supposed to be doing big thing

Gloria Grace Rand:
Mm-Hmm. Yeah.

Barbara Ellison:
If you, if you know that, you know, that, you know, that, you know that you are in alignment with what you’re supposed to be doing, then it doesn’t matter what anybody else says.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Mm-Hmm. Yeah. And the other thing too is that yes, there, there may, people may get upset with you. And in fact, I actually had something happen this afternoon that I had inadvertently hurt someone’s feelings, was not my intention.

Barbara Ellison:
Nope.

Gloria Grace Rand:
So I, you know, had to look at it from their point of view and realized that Hmm. Yeah. I probably could have handled it a bit better. And I, and I apologized and I also, you know, explained that, you know, I also think that, you know, my part was, you know, it’s still okay for what I was doing and, you know, but yes, I could have, you know, tactfully handled it a bit better. And that’s, and then I, it was, you know, she responded back, yay. Okay. You know, so it was like good because I, I certainly didn’t wanna lose a friendship over it.

Barbara Ellison:
Well, exactly. And like one of the things for me too is that if you do do something wrong and you totally blow it, and you just, whatever that is.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Right.

Barbara Ellison:
Fess up to it.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Mm-Hmm.

Barbara Ellison:
Take the heat for it.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah.

Barbara Ellison:
But then let it go.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah.

Barbara Ellison:
Big thing. What happens so often to people and especially women that we harbor that, oh, I did it.

Gloria Grace Rand:
I know.

Barbara Ellison:
I can’t believe I did it. And 12 years later they’re still, oh, I can’t believe I did that. let it go. That’s a weed in your garden. Yeah. Let it go. Let it go. You’ve taken the heat for it. And in fact, I’ll give you an example, just last week, and I, now, I now I can’t even tell you what it was that came up and I went, that was from 25 years ago. Where did that come from?

Gloria Grace Rand:
. Oh, I know. It’s amazing, isn’t it?

Barbara Ellison:
Let me, that was you know, 25 years ago, where did that come from? And then it was like, Barbara, you have, you have forgiven yourself for that 20 years ago, 25 years ago, you are not. And so, and that’s why now I can’t even remember what it was. Yeah. But the thought came up. The thing is, back to it, it’s three negative thoughts to every positive thought. If I had thought one more thing that Ooh, yeah, I really did do that you’re spiral spiraling down. Yeah. Because I said, you know what? Yeah. I’ve already let, I’ve already let go of that. Thanks for, you know, thanks for bringing it up, but I’ve already let go of that. I continued on my day, all sorts of happy

Gloria Grace Rand:
Mm-Hmm. Yeah.

Barbara Ellison:
And that’s a, that’s a big thing.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah.

Barbara Ellison:
So, yeah. But one of the things this is a on my, on my list of, and if, and if somebody, if your audience does want a, a, a list of the nine different things, I mean, we’re not gonna have time to talk about all of them, but one of the ones that I think is the biggest thing is when you are feeling down about yourself, go compliment somebody else.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Hmm.

Barbara Ellison:
It makes the other person feel good. It makes you feel good. Just try it. Because when you are feeling down upon yourself in, in yourself, when you can be gra grateful for somebody else, and then take it a next step and pay it forward and a compliment. And one of the, one of the things that I do is I have several different little memes that are hi! Or I was thinking of you, it’s a little happy face with a hi, or I have one that’s like a little thinking of you with hearts on it. And then I have several others. And so it’s like, oh, when somebody’s name pops into my head, oh, I’m gonna send it. It’s cut and paste. It takes you 10 seconds. But when you think about that person, send them that little meme and have them already so that you don’t have to go hunting for it. Like, I have a little thing that says favorites on my phone. I just pick one of them. Go.

Gloria Grace Rand:
I love that.

Barbara Ellison:
10 seconds. Yeah. And it will, not only will it make let them say, oh wow, she was thinking about me. They don’t know that you only cut and pasted, took you 10 seconds. It’s the thought that counts.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Absolutely. Yeah. And, and I love that you’ve mentioned the compliments are so important. And I was actually on a, I was on a summit yesterday and, and, and talking about the importance of compliments and, and being able to receive compliments as well. I mean, cuz sometimes it’s, it’s easy to give them, but not always easy to receive them. And I found a there’s a wonderful website. I’m gonna give them a plug. It’s called perfect cartoon.com.

Barbara Ellison:
Ooh. I’ll have to look up where

Gloria Grace Rand:
You can, he’s, he this gentleman Robert Bostick has, has curated, that’s the word I’m looking for. Like over 7,000, I think like some of the best cartoons, especially from like New Yorker magazines. Oh. But one of the ones I found on there it was a couple eating dinner or something. And, and one person says to the other that, that the FDA has, has determined that compliments are an essential nutrient.

Barbara Ellison:
I love that. What, what’s the name of that again?

Gloria Grace Rand:
I think it’s called perfect cartoon.com. I’m, I’m, oh,

Barbara Ellison:
I’m gonna love that.

Gloria Grace Rand:
I’m 99 per 9 99 0.9%. Sure. yeah, I’m pre Yeah,

Barbara Ellison:
Because Yeah. So pick out 10 of them. That for different occasions. Yeah. Like, I have ones that say happy birthday I have ones that say I’m thinking of you. Yeah. Some of them say thank you for all you do, you know, whatever it is. And they don’t know that you didn’t spend hours creating it.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah.

Barbara Ellison:
Absolutely. Secret. yeah. Secret 10 seconds of can continue to do it . But it’s the thought that counts. Yeah.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah.

Barbara Ellison:
That you were thinking of them, you were thinking of them. Yeah. And it’s just, it, it, it is such a cool thing. And and so then one of the other ones, one of the other biggies smile. Before you pick up the phone, before you go on Zoom, before you do anything, smile and you know what? Before you start your day. You are your best friend. Look at yourself in the mirror as you’re brushing your teeth and smile at yourself . And don’t just smile. Right. Smile and look at yourself in the eyes.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Mm.

Barbara Ellison:
And whether you say, gee, you know what? You’re beautiful. Oh, that’s tough. , that’s tough because we all don’t always think we are. But you’re a beautiful soul. Or gee, you know, you’re gonna have a great day or whatever. Affirmation. if you have affirmations. Oh, I tend to, I tend to look in, you know, it’s scripture. This is the day that the Lord has made, I’ll rejoice and be glad in it. Because something good is going to happen to me through me and for me today.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Absolutely. And the fact that you woke up today, that’s number one. That starts it right there.

Barbara Ellison:
You’re Breathing. Thank you Lord for I that I, that I breathe and move and have my being. Yeah,

Gloria Grace Rand:
Exactly.

Barbara Ellison:
Oh yeah,

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah.

Barbara Ellison:
Yeah. So important. So important. So

Gloria Grace Rand:
I wanna ask you, cuz I, I know we’re, we’re starting to near the end, but I still wanna ask you this anyway. What, especially as we’re talking about, you know, happiness and positivity, what’s a commonly held belief on around this subject that you passionately disagree with?

Barbara Ellison:
So many people, they view happiness as an extraneous thing.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Hmm.

Barbara Ellison:
That, oh, that’s for, that’s for everybody else. That’s not for me. I don’t deserve it. Big thing. Big, big, big thing. And the pursuit of happiness is selfish.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Mm-Hmm.

Barbara Ellison:
It’s not, it’s self care.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah.

Barbara Ellison:
That is a big, big thing. And it just makes me crazy when people, you know, and nothing against therapists. And I be, and I truly believe there is a place for therapists. We do need, if you’ve had an extreme trauma Yes. You, there are things, however, if you are just going and reliving the past and reliving the past and reliving the past and reliving the past and reliving the past and reliving the past, you’re not progressing.

Gloria Grace Rand:
That’s right.

Barbara Ellison:
Where are you today? Like when I have a, when I have a new client. Okay, so let’s talk about where we are today. Well, I, well, okay. Yeah. No, no. What, where are you right now? What do you, okay, so, okay. So now what do you think was the main thing that influenced where you are right now? And they told me. Okay, so now you, that’s done, that’s done . Now where do you wanna be next week, next month, next year? Where do you wanna be in five years?

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah.

Barbara Ellison:
That’s the difference. That’s the difference. Let go of the past. Because if you are anything negative and if you are depressed, you are either haven’t forgiven yourself for something in the past or you’re worried about something in the future. And if you are a negative, you cannot possibly be happy right at this moment. So right at this moment, talking to you, this is the best moment of my life because I’m happy. I love talking about happiness. I d I truly believe that each and every one of us deserves to be happy. It’s a choice. Every morning you get to choose. Sometimes it’s, sometimes it’s a bigger choice.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah.

Barbara Ellison:
But it’s still a choice.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Absolutely.

Barbara Ellison:
Make it, and I just encourage people to make it, you know, that. And friends of mine say, well, are you, are you always this upbeat and happy? Well no, no.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah. You’re still human.

Barbara Ellison:
I, I’m human. And some days it’s like, okay. But the thing is, I try very hard that when I do feel that, because hey, we wake up 300 days of the year feeling grumpy. So if you really are feeling grumpy and just feeling just out of that my, my father, he used to always just say, well, you’re just feeling peckish. , okay, daddy. That was an old English word I guess. And you were just feeling blue. You’re just kind of a little bit down in the dumps. Nothing specific that you can put your finger on. You’re just feeling slightly. I call it being out of whack.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah.

Barbara Ellison:
I just feel outta whack. Well, YouTube is your friend.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Absolutely. Oh yeah.

Barbara Ellison:
Go on YouTube first put on something inspirational scripture, God’s word, whatever, Above Inspiration. I love them. They always put out something. Start your day with God. Okay. That’s the first thing. Okay. But you know what, you know, it says, it also says in the Bible that King David said, Ooh, you know that I need the lifter, that you are the lifter of my head. And that means he was, he was feeling kind of down. Okay. So it was like, okay, so I’m kind of feeling down. Okay, well now your next step after Okay. You’ve praised, you worshiped, you ask God to give you some grace. You’ve prayed for mercy, but you’re still feeling kind of Hmm. A little kind of outta whack. Well, now you have to laugh. So go. I put on Bob Newhart, look for clips, Bob Newhart bloopers, Betty White bloopers. America’s fun, America’s home video bloopers, anything bloopers, put on a laugh track, whatever it is that makes you laugh. And then all of a sudden it’s like, oh yeah, . And you’ll be like, oh. Right. And you’ll start to laugh and that can raise your energy.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Absolutely. Yeah. I love looking at like, like babies, especially like when they get like twins talking to one another and things like that. That

Barbara Ellison:
Exactly. Whatever it is for you. Like, I like wa I like watching pets play.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Oh, that’s, well that’s my next one. Yes. Right.

Barbara Ellison:
When you get the donkeys and the ducks

Gloria Grace Rand:
.

Barbara Ellison:
Seriously. Donkey and the duck. But it’s, but they’re hysterical. Yeah. And it can make you laugh.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Absolutely.

Barbara Ellison:
Look at the funny memes, if that’s what you like to do but find, but find the thing that tickles your tickles, your fancy.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Absolutely.

Barbara Ellison:
Tickles your funny bone.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yep. You know, they say it, laughter is the best medicine. And it’s, and it’s true. It not only because it, it really, it gets like the endorphins going and it helps your mental state. It can also help your physical state as well. So it’s important.

Barbara Ellison:
It raises Your energy. Yeah. And the thing is, quit beating yourself up that you have to do it, number one, that you have to do it. And don’t care about how long it takes you to do it. Yeah. It doesn’t matter because until you raise your energy, you are not going to be as effective as what you could be if, unless you, if you’re just plowing through something, because you have to do it, you’re doing it with your stress, you’re laugh until you can honestly feel that, hey, you know? Yeah. I’m feeling pretty good right now,

Gloria Grace Rand:
. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Barbara Ellison:
Look and you that you can look in the mirror and say, you know what, Hey, I kinda like you right now.

Gloria Grace Rand:
. That’s a good thing. Yeah.

Barbara Ellison:
So important. So important. And one of the things, Amy Cuddy she’s a PhD, Harvard kind of gal, but she talks about power poses. She’s on YouTube. Youtube people. You can find everything on YouTube.

Gloria Grace Rand:
That’s True.

Barbara Ellison:
. And look for her. And it’s, I think she, I think the talk, it’s a TED talk. And so listen to, I listen to TED Talks and it’s on body posture. And she said, for women, set a timer. This is an exercise tip for my tip for the day. Set a timer for two minutes. Look at yourself in a full length, a full length mirror. Hands on your chest out. You are in the Wonder Woman pose.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Right.

Barbara Ellison:
Set The timer and stay there and look at yourself and smile for two minutes.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Ooh. Ooh. I like that.

Barbara Ellison:
Huge. Huge. And when, so, and I do that, like if I have to do a presentation or something that I’m nervous about.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah.

Barbara Ellison:
That if it’s something different.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah.

Barbara Ellison:
I do a power pose. I do that exercise fairly often.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Well, I’ve, I’ve heard of that, but never heard about it. Doing it for a full two minutes though. That is

Barbara Ellison:
Two minutes Releases the endorphins.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah. That’s powerful. Oh my goodness. Uwe can talk all day. I know, I know ,

Barbara Ellison:
But I’ve got again,

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah, I know. Well, I’ve, yeah. And I’ve got another, another thing I’ve gotta get to. But I have enjoyed this so much and you are amazing. And I know, I know our listeners have gotten tremendous value out of what you’ve had to say. So if they want to be able to learn more about, you know, these other rest of the tips what’s the best place for people to cut to reach you?

Barbara Ellison:
Reach out to me on LinkedIn or you can, or you can email me Barbara at Trends in marketing enterprises.com.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Okay.

Barbara Ellison:
And just send, just say, Hey, you know what? I listened to you on, you know with Gloria Grace and, cause I’m right at this moment, I’m blank on the engage live love and

Gloria Grace Rand:
Live love, engage, see,

Barbara Ellison:
Live love and engage. Right. Yo, but before that, split second, see how our mind works . And so yeah. And just say, Hey, you know, and I’d love to talk more and I do a free consultation and let’s chat because you never know what’ll come up. And that’s where the magic happens. And one of the things for me is that it’s just a conversation. I love to just have a, let’s have a conversation Yeah. And see where it leads and you might decide to work with me. Great. Or you’re gonna say, you know what? I just needed a sounding board for that second. That’s a Yeah. That’s, you know

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yeah. Yeah. Love it. Love it. Absolutely. Alright, well I will have all that information in the show notes for those of you who are listening somewhere and you don’t have a pen handy, so not to worry.

Barbara Ellison:
And one of the other things, if you want, I will send you a link. I can, I, I give people a free, a free personality assessment. And it takes you like 90 seconds. But it is a really good insight of your strengths, your what makes you, who, why, why are you the way you are, the things you value. And it’s just a really fun thing. So if anybody wants that, I’ll send you a real link

Gloria Grace Rand:
For it. All right.

Barbara Ellison:
Good excellent, put that in the show notes.

Gloria Grace Rand:
All right. wonderful. Well, thank you again for being with us today. I really appreciate it.

Barbara Ellison:
Thank you for having me. This was great.

Gloria Grace Rand:
Yes, it certainly was. And I wanna also acknowledge all of you out there who have been listening and watching, I really absolutely am so grateful for you. You’re part of what makes this you know, why I do keep doing the way I’m doing. And it’s, it’s wonderful. So thank you so much and keep listening. Tell a friend, if you enjoyed this, of course, share it with them. And until next time, as always, I encourage you to go out and live fully, love deeply, and engage authentically.

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About the Author
Known as The Insightful Copywriter, Gloria Grace Rand is also an inspirational speaker, author and host of the Live. Love. Engage. podcast. Prior to launching her SEO Copywriting business in 2009, Gloria spent nearly two decades in television, most notably as writer and producer for the award-winning PBS financial news program, “Nightly Business Report.”

Gloria turned to writing as a way to communicate, since growing up with an alcoholic father and abusive mother taught her that it was safer to be seen and not heard. But not speaking her truth caused Gloria problems such as overeating, control issues, and an inability to fully trust people. After investing in coaching & personal development programs, and studying spiritual books like “A Course in Miracles,” Gloria healed her emotional wounds. Today, she helps entrepreneurs develop clarity, confidence and connection to the truth of who you are, so you can create a business that has more impact, influence and income!

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