Did you know that bouncing back from adversity holds the key to success for women entrepeneurs? In this episode, I sit down with Tara Geraghty, a resilience expert and certified mindset coach, who reveals why resilience outshines confidence, skill, and even a positive attitude when it comes to lasting achievement in life and business.
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Show Notes | Transcript“When you know that, hey, even if I get knocked down, I can come back, and I will come back better… you become the most powerful person you know.” – Tara Geraghty
During our inteview Tara explained that resilience simply means the ability that if you get knocked down, you can pick yourself back up. Drawing from her personal experiences of overcoming domestic violence and navigating her daughter’s cancer diagnosis, Tara shares powerful insights on how resilience can transform adversity into opportunity.
Discover how to:
- Cultivate resilience through small, manageable steps outside your comfort zone
- Reframe challenges as opportunities for growth and self-discovery
- Build a supportive community that fosters resilience and personal development
Key insights include:
- Why resilience is more crucial than confidence or skill in achieving long-term success
- The importance of surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals who believe in your potential
- How embracing resilience can lead to unexpected opportunities and personal growth
Tara also shares the inspiring story behind her global community, “Hey Girl, You Can,” and offers practical advice for women entrepreneurs looking to build resilience in their personal and professional lives.
Whether you’re facing challenges in your business or seeking to unlock your full potential, this conversation offers valuable insights on harnessing the power of resilience. Tune in to learn how you can bounce back stronger and create a life of purpose and fulfillment!
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Connect with Tara
Website: https://heygirlyoucan.com/
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TRANSCRIPT
If you thought you already knew how to succeed in business and life, listen up because our guest is about to share the secret sauce that doesn’t involve confidence or even your skill set. Intrigued? I hope so. But first, I want to welcome you to Live Love Engage, especially if this is your first time tuning in. I am Gloria Grace, founder of Align to Shine Academy, and I work with spiritually minded women entrepreneurs to break free from self doubt and step into their highest potential. And joining us in just a moment is Tara Geraghty. She is a resilience expert, certified mindset and confidence life coach who empowers others to turn adversity into opportunity. A survivor and etiquette Advocate, she shares 26 plus years of leadership experience through her TEDx talks, bestselling book and global community. Hey girl, you can. And she inspires confidence and lasting success through that organization. And I think that’s actually. Well, I know we connected on LinkedIn, but we also, I’ve also been involved in that community, so it’s pretty cool. So without further ado, I’m going to bring her up here and, and welcome you officially, Tara, to Live Love Engage. Yay.
I’m so excited to spend this time with you.
Oh, me too, me too. And I know that the topic we’re talking about today, now to let you in on the secret here, is about resilience. And I know that you have said resilience is actually more important than confidence, skill or a positive attitude. So I’d love to know why you think that. It sounds, sounds interesting, but, but yeah, explain.
And I will say that for a long time. So when I, when I was young and I started my first business, I thought it was skill. I thought skill is if you just learn, then you’ll be successful. And then after working with hundreds of women, I realized that it really wasn’t skill, it was their confidence. Because I could see someone come in who maybe didn’t have the highest skill set, but they were super confident and, and they would be successful. So then for a very long time I thought, well, it’s confidence. And I do think that confidence counts. I think confidence is important. But then as my daughter has gotten older, so I’m a single parent, I have raised my daughter on my own. She’s now off in college and my daughter’s an only child. I’m her only parent. Her cousins are much younger than her. She doesn’t really have that nuclear support system around her. And I think as I get older and she gets older, I’m not always Going to be here, right? And what is the most important skill set I want to pass on to my daughter that I would feel when I leave this planet, she will be okay. And as I really thought that through and looked at the last few years and watched as she’s gone to college and the experience that the other kids are having, it really came down to resilience. If I could only give her one thing that would make her successful in life. It’s resilience. And it really trumps confidence, skill, and everything else. And here’s why. Because by definition, resilience simply means it’s the ability that if you get knocked down, you can pick yourself back up. It literally means to spring back, to spring forward. So I always picture you’ll tell by age. Now, do you remember if my hair didn’t tell you already, but my age, that. Do you remember those clowns, they had the. They were weighted at the bottom and you blew them up. And they were like the punching bag. You would punch them back, but because they were weighted on the bottom, they would just spring back up. It didn’t matter how many times you punched him. It didn’t matter how hard you punched him. You could not keep this clown down. It was going to come back up, right? That is how I think about resilience. It’s not that you don’t get knocked down. Sometimes life knocks you down, right? It’s that, can you get yourself back up? And think about it. If, if you don’t have that ability, it doesn’t matter how confident you are. You could be confident, you’re just lying on the ground, right? You can have as many skills, but if you, if the skill is not how to get back up. And I think, wow, life is. You know, sometimes people use that question, why me? Why do things happen to me? You know, I went through a domestic violence divorce the same year my, My daughter was 3 and she had stage 4 cancer. And you would think that would be a good season to ask, why me? I never ask that question. I think it’s a narcissistic question because it implies that somehow I’m special and I should get through life unscathed. But the rest of you fools, well, you should have problems, right? It’s not a. It’s not a helpful question. And so we know that everybody, if you’re living life, you’re going to get knocked down at some point. And it could be something like a devastating job loss, it could be a divorce, it could be a devastating diagnosis for you. Or in my case, for my child, it could be something that happens in the world. I mean, we just went through this, right, a few years ago. If we do not know how to pick ourselves back up, it is like you are at the mercy of life, and that is scary. When you know you can pick yourself back up, when you know you are resilient, when you know that, hey, even if I get knocked down, I can come back, and I will come back better. I will take what I learned in that ditch. I will take what I learned when I got knocked down. And, boy, I’m going to spring back, and I’m going to spring forward. You become the most powerful person you know, and I think that in. That will extend in every area of your life because you’re going to be more likely to say yes to an opportunity. You’re going to be more likely to go for your dreams. You’re going to be more likely to step out of your comfort zone because you’re not going to be afraid. Well, what if I fail? What if I got knocked down? What if it doesn’t work out? You know, what if I don’t know how to pick myself back up? You’ll say yes to those incredible things because in the back of your mind you go, well, if I get knocked down, if I fail, if it doesn’t work out, I can pick myself back up. I know how to do that. Right. And it’s wild to me that the more I’ve talked about this and the more I’ve gone down this rabbit hole of resilience, I go, yes, this is so important. But we’re not teaching this in school, we’re not teaching this in college. There’s no class on how do I become the mentally strongest person I know. Right?
Right.
And I’m like, this is a life skill we all need. And for sure, if we didn’t believe that the last few years with what’s happened in the world has taught people we need resilience.
Well, that brings me to my next question. That is for someone listening out there, especially women entrepreneurs in particular, how can they start to cultivate resilience for themselves?
Yeah, you’re not going to like this answer.
Okay,
Well Let’s talk about it. Resilience is a muscle. Okay, so you have a resilience muscle. And how do you build a muscle? Well, the way you build a muscle is you go to the gym, you work it out to the point that it actually tears. You’re tearing the fibers, right? You’re breaking down the fibers. You’re causing a little bit of, quote, trauma, and then the muscle rebuilds itself stronger. That is how you develop muscles. You have to kind of work them, hurt them. And that’s why they talk about that good pain, you know, that exercise pain. And then they grow back stronger, and then they grow back stronger, and you keep kind of putting them through a little bit of pain to grow back stronger. The only way we become resilient is to go through a little bit of pain. The only way we become resilient is to get knocked down and to practice getting back up and to proving to yourself that you can do that. So as a woman in business, that might mean, you know, and I don’t want somebody to get knocked down. It would be like, you know, you don’t want to go to the gym and work out so hard that you, you know, cause massive damage to your body. Right, right. There’s a reason why you work with a trainer and you work up and you get stronger over time. So what does that. How does that translate to business? You start with a small step, a small step out of your comfort zone. A small step into doing something that you’ve never done before. That feels a little scary. Not one that’s going to risk your entire business, but it’s a little scary step that maybe you’ve been afraid to take. And you go in with the attitude that whether I succeed or whether I fail, I am doing this to learn. This is all going to be valuable information. And if I fall down, I will figure out how to pick myself back up. And so you slowly start to step out of that comfort zone, you slowly start to take those risks. And as you take risks and some of them will work out well and some of them won’t. That’s just part of it. Right? That’s how it is in business. Business is just some things work well and some things don’t. There’s that 80, 20 rule we cannot get away from. Right. And so you kind of go, when you hit the 80% that didn’t work, you go, okay, well, that was great. But the, the powerful part is that then when opportunities come along that seem like bigger risks or bigger steps out of your comfort zone, which also then have bigger payoffs.
True.
Willing to take them, you’re willing to say yes to them because you’ve picked yourself up on the small falls. And so there’s a trust and a confidence in yourself that goes, I can. I’m resilient enough that if I take this big risk and it doesn’t work, out. I’ll still be okay.
Yeah, I like that because it really is so important to step out of your comfort zone. You have to be able to do it, otherwise you’re never going to grow. And. But the importance of doing. I like that, you know, the baby steps. Try something that you don’t have that’s not too. Too overwhelmingly scary because that’s. You’re. You’re never going to be able to manage with that. But something that’s a little bit, you know, like, as an example, what I. I did, and this was a couple years ago, I had the idea to do a retreat, and it just kind of came to me in the afternoon, and I was like, rather than going to, you know, all the trouble of, like, building a landing page and everything, first thing I said, well, let me just see if anybody be interested in doing it. And so I just sent out an email to see, and I got some positive feedback. So it was like, okay, well, maybe I could actually do this. And this was the first time I’d ever run a retreat, so. So it’s. It’s doing those little things, and I hope everybody is listening to that. It’s. It’s, you know, just. Just take those little baby steps, like you said. I think that’s so important.
I love that. And, you know, somebody might go, oh, well, it was just an email. But if you think about it, it was a risk. It was. I send this email out, nobody responds. Or what if people email me back? That’s dumb. Do you know what I mean?
Oh, yeah. It could have been.
Right. There’s that little risk. And so I think that’s great. I love that. You know, it is. It’s. It’s thinking about what opportunities have you missed out on because you’ve been afraid.
Yeah.
You know, what opportunities have you not gone for? Because it’s felt a little scary. And it could be even something as simple as, oh, you know, I’ve always wanted to start my own podcast. I’ve always wanted to write a book. I’ve always thought about becoming a coach. I’ve always thought about. About, you know, doing an online business. But how would I do that? You know, how would that work out? And it’s. Sometimes it’s just taking that first step, you know, and knowing that a lot of times we think we’re walking in one direction and, and, and, you know, God, life has a different direction for us, but if you don’t get on the path, you’re not going anywhere. Right.
Right.
Sometimes you just got to start walking and, and life will start to redirect your path if you’re in the wrong direction. Right. You’re not going anywhere.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, 100%. So, so when did you realize that, you know, resilience was going to be such a big part of your life, you know, and your mission? Yeah.
So I think that it’s interesting because I talk with a lot of parents about resiliency and kids. I think that we, and I’m guilty of this. You know, my daughter’s had a rough childhood. By the time she was four years old, she had gone through domestic violence and childhood cancer. I mean, that’s a lot, right. And we have this desire to protect our so much. And a few years ago, I ended up speaking at a conference, I was a keynote for a conference on teen suicide, the prevention of teen suicide. And I remember saying to the organizers, while I’m totally flattered you want me to be your keynote, I don’t think I’m the appropriate person for this because I don’t have any personal, you know, background, interest, affiliation with teen suicide. And I learned. And they said, no, we heard you speak someone else somewhere else, we want you. But I had to get a crash course and in learning about it and what shocked me was finding out that resiliency is tied into teen suicide. Right. Like if a child is resilient, if a child can, but that children who have upper to middle class, wealthier families are at a higher risk of suicide. I found this fascinating and I was like, I don’t understand. And so they explained to me, well, you know, if you have a kid who, let’s say they leave their, their lunch at home or they leave their flute at home, you know, they have a music practice and their mom is at home because they live in an upper middle class family, Mom’s at home, she’s a stay at home mom, or mom has flexibility that she can go, she’s going to go home, get their lunch, she’s going to drop off the instrument, she’s going to take care of the situation or dad or whoever, Right? But if you have a kid who comes from kind of a lower income family where maybe mom had to take a bus, three buses to get to work, the kid gets home and there is no food and they have to figure out how to make dinner because they’ve got a parent who’s maybe, you know, an alcoholic or on drugs, passed out on the couch and they have to really kind of fend for themselves, they build up this resiliency, they build up These life skills that then when life gets hard as an adult, they can cope where the other kid who had been coddled and taken care of and was always, they can’t cope. And I. So that’s probably when I first started thinking about this resiliency. And I realized that, you know, I started a business at a young age. I was 20 years old. And I learned a lot of resiliency in that because in business and, you know, if you have a business, there’s a lot of reject. You get more no’s than you get yeses in any business. Right. Because business is numbers. And so I. That’s when I think I first really started to build up this kind of mental strength of dealing with rejection and no’s and understanding numbers and all of that. Then when I went through my domestic violence divorce, it was probably the most horrific season of my life. And I did not build resiliency on purpose. I was forced to. You know, when you’re in a situation where somebody is stalking you and actively telling people they’re going to kill you, that will challenge you in a mental way that, that I had never been challenged before. And I do remember a moment standing in my living room, I had been living in fear for a year of like, you know, windows locked and walking over my shoulder and just in constant, constant fear. And I. And it was real fear. I mean, it wasn’t made up fear. It was a real reason to be a fear. But I remember standing in my living room one day and I just made a choice. I drew a line in the sand and I said, this is it. I’m not going to be afraid anymore. I cannot continue to live like this and give my power away and let this person terrorize me. And I’ve already given this person seven years of my life in this, you know, horrific marriage. I am not going to give them one more day. And whether that means that I live two more weeks and they kill me or, you know, 20 years, they don’t get one more day of my life. Now, that didn’t mean that I threw out my safety plans and just went wild. I still, you know, put all, kept the safety, but it was this mental decision to not let somebody else own my power. And I think there. So there were decisions like this along the way in my life that started to add up, you know, and then with my daughter getting her cancer diagnosis and being like, this is a completely out of control situation, but I can choose mentally how we’re going to show up. You know, my book is making Cancer fun, because it was like, how can we deal with this? And what do I have control over? And I think part of resiliency is feeling powerful. It’s feeling like I can choose how I want to respond to situations. I’m not in constant reaction to what everybody else is doing, to what life is doing, people are doing, business is doing. I’m choosing how I want to respond. And when you can start to show up like that, you become more resilient because you feel like it’s that, you know, you control what you can control type thing. And then there’s also a level where you go, I really can’t control anything except me. Right? There’s nothing I could control except me. I can control me. But that’s where that resilience piece is born, that you start to trust yourself more. You start to trust that you will figure it out. You start to trust that if you don’t know how to figure out, you will figure out how to find the people who can help you figure it out. Right? And I think as I went through these really tough things, you know, like, you have to get hurt, you have to fall down. You have to. I mean, I remember, I felt like, and I talk about this in my book, I felt like I had the rug pulled out from underneath me during my domestic violence divorce. I felt like, this is it. The rug was pulled out for me. And literally, you know, a few, like, months later, I get this diagnosis that my daughter’s going to die of cancer. And I was like, oh, here I was. I was sitting on the floor. Nope, that was like, just a trap door I was on. And, like, now we’re going further down, you know, and my daughter’s, you know, going to be 19 soon, and she’s my miracle kid. But when you are put through those fires, you know, it’s kind of like that story about Howard Diamonds made, right? It’s fire. It’s. You have to go through tough stuff to prove to yourself that you’re tough. And so I hope that nobody here has to go through super, super tough stuff. But I think as business owners, you can go. You can put yourself through a little tough thing, a little tough thing, a little thing to kind of go, wow, I can do this. Okay, I survived. If I can survive this, I can survive something else. And then I will say for sure, the pandemic really shed a light to me on how few people were resilient. And I really could see firsthand how parents were responding to the pandemic and how that was affecting how their children were responding. Right. I saw this within the business owners that I coach. It was like, okay, this is a crisis and I’m going to pull apart or I’m going to pivot. Okay. You know, like, for me, I had a business that was all based on in person, and I had never done a zoom in my life. And then the pandemic hit and we had to go on Zoom.
Yeah.
Like, Gloria, I would, I would get anxiety over a screen share. I mean, like, oh, my gosh, I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to do tech. I am not a, you know. Yeah, I was totally overwhelmed. But again, if you’re like, I’ll figure it out, I can figure it out. Somebody can teach me, I can learn. I mean, you know, and my gosh, we live in a world now where with the access to YouTube, you could basically learn how to do everything. Right. I know.
Yes. Yeah.
Stronger than you think.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Yeah. And I’ve. And I’ve got a dear friend who kind of went through the same thing. She was hosting these wise women circles in her home every month. And when the pandemic hit, she’s like, oh, Gloria, you know, I guess we won’t be able to do it. And I’m like, but I love those. Can’t we do them online? I’ll help. And so I was her. I became her tech goddess. And so I would, you know, I would created the zoom so that she was. And now actually she can create zooms on her own now. She has learned how to do it herself. And that’s. And that’s what we have to do. And I, and I love that. And, and I guess, you know now, and you know, we’ve met before. You know, I know a little bit about you, but really in hearing the story, I definitely understand why you’re the founder of. Hey girl, you can. That name makes so much more sense to me. I know we’ve been talking a lot about resilience, but tell me a little bit about. I want to. We may come back to it, but I want to just dive in a little bit. Tell me a little bit about this community and what is it about and why did you start it?
Yeah, well, it’s by accident. I know that’s a really strange answer to most people when they ask me. So I had written a book called Making Cancer Fun. That’s what my Ted at text was about. And started to work with parents who had children going through a massive life changing medical diagnosis. And Then the pandemic hit. And so that kind of medical, as you know, the medical world at that point went a little bit crazy. And my sister in law said to me, there’s this new app, you should check it out. It’s called, called Clubhouse. I was like, I don’t know, it was a social audio app. It was really the first one. And so I went on the app thinking, this will be a great way to connect with parents who could use, you know, my resources, my tools, my education, things like that. Well, again, this is the resiliency piece here. I’m thinking I’m going one direction. I’m going to go find these parents. They were not on the app. There were. Those parents were not there, right? Instead, because I started to walk the journey, life redirected me, excuse me. And said, okay, well there’s this ton of women on the app. What do you know? And I said, well, I know women in business. I’ve been coaching women in business for, at that point, you know, over 20 years. I said, so that’s what I know. So I ended up creating a community on the app that just exploded. And really, I remember I was sitting there one night, my sister in law said, you need a name for it. I said, I don’t know. And all of a sudden I thought, well, I like this name. Hey girl, you can. She actually told me it was a bad name, but I said, well, I like it, so I’m just going to stick with it. It was just one of those energy things, right? And it’s been interesting because people who would find our community would say, oh, I just loved the name, but I really liked this idea of like you can, because I think so often, and maybe it’s just maybe more for women or whatnot, but we’re kind of told we can’t. And I don’t believe that. I really believe that. And I truly believe that if you have a dream in your heart, if you have this vision of something you want to create, do, experience, that God would not give you that vision, would not give you that dream if you didn’t also have the ability to achieve it. Like we would have the most cruel, evil God who would say, I’m going to give you this dream, but I know you can never have it. I’m just going to torture it with you your whole life. Like that would be horrific, right? That would not be. And so I believe that if it’s there, if there’s even just this spark there, it’s because you do have the ability to Achieve it, you do have the ability to go for it. You just need to be in a community with people who are telling you you can. And this is what I loved your story, Gloria, about your friend with her wisdom circles. Like, I love that because imagine if the pants. She had been doing these wisdom circles in her home and the pandemic hits and she just thinks, well, I can’t, I can’t do this anymore. And imagine if she hadn’t been in community with you, if you hadn’t been in her sphere of influence, she might have just stopped there. But when you surround yourself with the right people, people who are big thinkers, who are going to cheer you on and who are going to say, hey girl, you can. And that’s exactly what you did for her. You said you can. We will figure this out. We will figure this out together. Like, who you put in your corner and your community is so important. Science tells us that with mirror neurons, your brain will rewire to be like the people you’re around. So be care who you’re hanging out with. Right. It changes your life. In this case, liquid art, it could change your destiny just by hanging out with. And so having our community showing up in a community, investing in a community, finding like minded people, whether it’s hey girl you can or whatever community you find, I think is so vital for someone’s success in life and in business.
Absolutely. And that’s one of the great lessons from the pandemic, I think, is that it really reinforced this need for human connection because we were so isolated for so long and, and yes, zoom was great, but there’s just something about in person connection and, and I know you’ve had the online community and which is good too, but when you can, if you can do both, that’s I think, the best of both worlds. When you can, you know, connect with people from all over the world or all over the country or something online, that’s fabulous. But then when you can also meet with people in person, because there’s just something about getting a hug from somebody, it’s just, it’s so great.
And women, I believe, are meant to live in community. Like, if you think about it, we raised our children in tribes and villages together. Like more than men, we are collaborative by our biological makeup in nature. And so if there’s a study they did recently about women over 35 are lonelier than ever. And this doesn’t surprise me because in this world where we think we’re so connected by social media, we’re not. We’re not having those genuine, real relationships.
Yeah. Yeah. And. And it’s why I. I have my own group as well. And. And we have been meeting online and once a quarter we would meet in person, but I’ve decided to just go for it, at least for the. At least for the rest of this year and try just meeting in person. I love every month instead, because we didn’t. It’s been a small group that meets online anyway. And so it’s like, well, we might as well just meet in person because when I. When we do meet in person, we get more people. So it’s like.
That’s interesting. Yeah.
It’s telling me something. Yeah.
And I think that that’s vital information. And again, this goes back to the resiliency. Right. It’s like saying, okay, I’m going to try this and see. If Gloria wasn’t resilient, she’d be like, well, I don’t want to take that step. What if it doesn’t work out? But when you’re like, okay, you know, I’m willing to try it, I think, you know, hey, girl, you can. Because we started on a social audio app and it was global. Our community was so big.
Yeah.
We’ve had a better commit, you know, we’ve had better attendance in things that are virtual. With that being said is we have done in person events. I have one coming up this month because I’m in New Jersey. And so I do think there is. There is an energy that you get in person with people, and I think you can’t entirely replace that online.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. What? Since we’ll go back. Well, we haven’t really left the talk about resilience, but I want to ask you, is there a maybe a misconception, a common misconception about resilience that you either encounter in your coaching practice or maybe that you just completely disagree with?
So I think there’s a few things I think it’s not just. And this has been a newer thought process that I’ve been kind of processing. It’s not just about, can I get back up? Resilience isn’t just, can I weather the storm? Can I survive through it? Can I get to the other side? It’s, can I get there and be in a better place than I was before the storm hit. Can I. Can this storm actually be the building blocks for me to step into my best? Kind of what you had said in the beginning, I wrote this down. I loved how you said this. Adversity into opportunity. It’s not just, can I get through something. You know, we can all get through something, but it’s who do. Who are we on the other side of what we get through? And is the person on the other side stronger, better than they were when they first went through the adversity? That is the ultimate goal of resilience. And I believe what it does is it refines us into the best version of ourselves, into the version of ourselves that always was there. It’s not a different. You know, I’m not a different person than I was before I went through adversity. You know, I’m the same person I was when I was a teenager and in my early 20s. It’s just hopefully has brought out the strength that was already in me and has brought it to the surface more. So there’s this stronger, best version of ourselves. Right. It’s taking. What did you learn from that? What were the key things that allowed you to grow? And how do you. How does that then allow you to really utilize your gifts like what you’re here for in the world? So it’s not just the bouncing back. You know, by definition, resilience is bouncing back. To me, it’s bouncing back better in the better. And then what happens is, when you view it that way, your resilience and the things that were your tough times actually start to be seen as a gift. These were the gifts that grew you into the best version of yourself. And so that also allows you to embrace the tough times a little bit different because you start to see everything as a gift. And I know that that can really trigger or offend people to say, my daughter’s childhood cancer was a gift. Like, I would never want anybody to go through that. 48 families a day get a diagnosis in the United States that their child has cancer. It is, I think, one of the most devastating diagnosis that you can get. It is horrific, and I pray that there’s a day that that never happens. Right. What I can say is that while I would never want to go through that, I can see the gifts that came out of it. Right. It’s kind of like the same thing with my domestic violence divorce. We know one in four women is affected by domestic violence. I believe it’s a. It’s a silent epidemic in our country that people aren’t talking about. It’s pretty horrific if you think one out of four. Right?
Yeah.
So, you know, do I ever want someone to go through that? Absolutely not. It’s absolutely devastating. And I will tell you, I still deal with the psychological, emotional implications of how that changed me. But I can see that there were gifts in that. I’ve had opportunities. I’ve been able to work on legislation, I’ve worked on getting some bills changed here in our state. I was on the State and Public Affairs Committee. I’ve gotten to speak at nonprofits, raise money. I just spoke at a gala and they said that because of my keynote, they had raised an extra hundred thousand dollars for this nonprofit that they didn’t anticipate. I mean, that to me was like, it gave me chills when I heard that, that I could use something that was so horrific in my life in a way now to say, you know what, you tried to break me with that, but I’m actually going to come back and I’m coming back better and now look at all the things I can do as a result of that. So I think that’s, you know, that’s where the resiliency piece, I think, gets a little confused. Confusing.
Yeah. Well, I, I think that the, the point is, is that while you’re going through things, yes, it can be very stressful and, and you just do your best to, to get through it. But when, once you get to the other side, that, that’s when you can reflect on it and, and hopefully you have grown and learned from it and you are better on the other side that then you can even be, dare I say, grateful for, for that opportunity or to have to go through it because it’s, it’s, it’s painful. But, but if, if it does serve you, serves the greater good, then it is something that you can say, okay, I really, that really sucked. But I’m so glad that I survived and thrived. Yeah.
And I like that, that it’s not the surviving, it is the thriving. That’s kind of the key of all of it. Right. And here’s the thing, let’s be really clear, particularly if we have somebody listening right now who’s in the fire. You are not going to be in the fire, burning, being like, what’s the gift in this? I mean, that is not the place to be asking that question. That is the place to be in survival. And how do I get out of this? I was in the middle of my ex husband stalking. I wasn’t going, I wonder how this will be used for good in the end. Right. Like I just be really clear on that because that could be a very misinterpreted thing. You are in a place where you just need to get out of the fire. Okay. And that’s okay. It is okay for life to stop, to give yourself grace, to not be at your best, to not be thriving, and say, I just have to get out of the fire right now. I am in survival mode. And there will be seasons, unfortunately, that sometimes we are in survival mode. What happens is when you get out of the fire now, you’re in a position to take buckets of water and go back and put it on the people who are still in the fire, and hopefully use whatever you learned in a way that is going to help other people. You know, and. And there’s all those sayings around it, right? Let your nest be your message. Let your, you know, pain be your pulpit. Like, there’s all those great little key phrases, but there’s truth in that, that we go through these things and they are part of our journey. And it’s being able to step back and say, you know, why and what, how? Not even why, but not, like, why did this happen to me? We talked about. That’s not useful. But why did this happen in a way that, how can I use this? How can I benefit? What was the lesson I needed to learn? You know, how can I grow from this? And there may be times, openly, that the lesson doesn’t need to be a pulpit. Like I. People have said, you should write a book about what happened with your divorce. I am like, I am not reliving that. That was the most horrific thing. I don’t need to go through that again. That needs to be a chapter that’s closed. If it’s a way that I can help somebody, you know, and speak at an event, that’s great. But that is not going to be where I’m going to put energy for my own mental sanity. So there are times when you’ve gone through something really difficult, and it’s okay to close the door to that. Everything doesn’t need to become your life’s purpose. Right. Pick and choose what you want to take from that. So there are things from that season that I can pick and choose and say, this is what I’ve learned and I’m comfortable talking about. And there’s other stuff that I say. Nope, that’s a door that needs to stay closed to protect myself. Like, I don’t do anything that works directly with victims, things like that, because I. That would not be good for me in my own healing. Right. So I do think you need to be able to know what’s. What’s going to serve you, serve others and what’s not going to serve you.
Yeah, absolutely. And I’ve I’ve kind of gone through the same thing. It’s like I was in a. I was in a coaching program for a while and, and, you know, they kind knew my story and suggested that I, I could work with other, like, children of alcoholics because that’s, that’s. I. My dad was an alcoholic. And I looked at it and looked at it and then, and then I joined like, some groups with people who are, you know, in the throes of it. And, and it was just. And even right now, it’s like it. My stomach already is just getting like, no, this is not what I want to do. That, that is, that is a door that I closed. And I don’t, you know, I bless those people that they’re having to go through it, but there’s other people who can help them, and that’s not my journey to do well.
And I think what you can say is, I’m sure that going through that and the strength that you’ve had to develop as a result and the lessons you’ve learned probably does serve you very well in your coaching, in your empathy for other people. And so I think you can take those things and say, that’s what I’m going to take. Right. You know, and that is. I loved what, what I heard you say too, of you said. I feel it in my gut. And I think sometimes as women, you know, we stop trusting our gut. And I think this is our most powerful intuitive. Like when we can reconnect with that, we’re unstoppable. I don’t know where that happens. I don’t know if that happens at a very young age, like where, you know, we start telling little girls to do things that they don’t want to do because they have to make other people happy, you know, or we don’t want to hurt people’s feelings, you know, like how often we’re kind of told that. So I’m not sure if that’s where it starts. I don’t know if it starts maybe when we’re older, in high school and we’re trying to, you know, date and you just want to be. And so you, you know, how many of us have ended up in a situation where we dated someone where we go, well, probably that wasn’t great. I probably should have trusted my gut a little bit more. Right. Or if it’s because we’re hearing other people or society, I don’t know, somebody else maybe is an expert, expert in that and can tell us where does that happen? But I see it over and over women who are getting older, who are going, I’m finally going back to listening to my gut. I’m finally going back to trusting my own intuition. And I’m like, why did all of us stop doing that?
I know. Yeah, it’s. It is something that we definitely need to do more of. And that’s. That’s one of the things that I. Part of my program that I work on is helping. Helping women to get to really do. To start tuning into their higher selves. Because that’s where all the wisdom is. We. We. We have it all inside of us. And, and the wisdom sometimes is that we also have to look outside as well to get help. So. Because sometimes that is what the inner wisdom is telling you. Is that. Okay, yes, you need to reach out to someone to get support, whether it is hiring a coach or seeing a therapist or whatever it is, because we can’t always do everything ourselves. And so sometimes you do need to do that.
I think this is a very good point because there’s this idea of I should be able to figure it out on my own. And I always. I remember when I first started my business and people would talk about working with a coach, and even. Even the top people worked with a coach. And the example that was always given to me is Olympians have coaches. These are Olympians. They are the best of the best. Like Michael Phelps knows how to swim. Right. As a coach, you never hit a level where you don’t need that person pouring into you mentoring you, because there’s always people who can see. Even when you’re really good at what you do, there’s people on the outside who can see things a little differently. And that’s why, you know, what you do. And working with people and helping them get to that next stuck level is really important. You know, I. I don’t think there’s any top people who don’t have someone that they’re, you know, mentoring them or coaching them or working with them.
Yeah, absolutely. It’s so important. And it gets back to what we talked about at the beginning, the power of community. And that because. And even sometimes, if you can’t find a coach, sometimes it’s great to join. To join. Just join a community or get involved in, like, a mastermind group, because when you bring a bunch of people together, there’s a lot of collective wisdom there and that you can tap into. So.
Yeah, well, and that was one of the things with hey, girl, you can. Is I wanted a very low cost. Anybody could get into the community. So maybe somebody who isn’t quite ready or in a place where they can invest in high ticket coaching, they can, you know, come into this kind of like mini membership that anybody can afford. It’s like give up, you know, it’s like Starbucks. Right. But have access to a community, have access to master classes and co working and networking and Q&As and things like that. And for a long time I really didn’t know what to do with hey girl, you can. Because everybody kept trying to say me, oh, you should go into this high ticket, high ticket coaching, coaching. And I think just, you know, as a single mom and as somebody who, you know, has kind of had to rebuild my life from the ground up, you know, I was like, ah, that just energetically there was something that I just kept pushing against and couldn’t figure out why. And then a friend of mine said, well, what about this new model of having this very inexpensive low ticket, you know, membership? And the more I started to learn about that, I went, yes, this is it, this is what I want to do. I want any woman who wants to, to find community, change her life, grow herself, grow her business, have access to it. And that’s really when the membership was formed.
So very cool.
Yeah. And hopefully then that what we’ll do is to give somebody some basic tools to then get into a place where they can work with someone like you. Right. That’s really where you want to funnel. You want to say, okay, what do I need to get to a point where I can have that one on one mentorship where I can hire Gloria, where I can step into something bigger?
Yeah, yeah, that’s, that’s absolutely the way it needs to work and I so appreciate you pointing that out. Gosh, this has been amazing. And time is, time is flying. Is there, is there anything else that I should have asked you that I didn’t? Any other last point you want to make before we close out today?
Well, I’ll share with you two things. So one is if you do want to build resilience, I know you’re going to share my, my website. I do have a five day resiliency challenge if you go. And basically what I do is I hop in Your email for 5 days every day you’re going to get email, I’m going to teach you one tool that develops resilience. So you know, it’s a 20 minute audio that you get every day and to teach you one specific thing. And these are the tools that I used myself to get through these. So it’s one specific thing. And I want to kind of build your toolbox up so that when things get rough, you’ve got something to go to and use and be able to do that. And then I always love to share my favorite course quote anytime I. I speak somewhere. And this is my prayer and my blessing for you. It’s my Irma Bomback. It actually hangs in my office. I see it every single day. It is what I try to live my life by. It says, when I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left. And I could say I used everything you gave me. And that is my prayer for anybody listening, because I believe that you have talents and gifts that are meant to bless the world. And if you don’t go for it, your dreams die with you. And we need your dreams because those are your gifts for the whole world and for all of us.
Wow. That is a great quote. And. Well, I haven’t heard the name Irma Bombeck in a very long time, but I guess, yeah, yeah, she has wonderful wisdom. Google her folks. I know especially if you’re younger, you’re like, who? Trust me, Google it. She wrote books. Great stuff. So, so awesome. Well, thank you so much for being with us today. This has been amazing. And I know our audience is gonna. Has received already a lot of value just from what you shared today. And I’m. And I’m in. In awe of you even more than when I first met you, because you truly are the resilient gal. You’ve gone through a lot, and you’re, you’re, you’re here shining and, and smiling and, and supporting other women. And that so important.
Thank you.
Wow. And I do want to thank all of you for watching and listening today. And I, I truly do hope that you have received as much value as I did. And I encourage you, if you’re not already a subscriber of the podcast, to please do so on your favorite podcast platform. You can also, if you like video, you can watch us on YouTube as well. And until next time, as always, I encourage you to go out and live fully, love deeply, and engage authentically.
