What Magic Really Is (And Why You’re Already Practicing It)
Gloria: What does magic mean to you?
Sunshine: I believe that magic is our ability to work with the energies that surround us — to manifest, to change, to transform, to bring about the things in our life that we either need or desire. Magic is this literal setting of an intention and seeing it come into life. A prayer is a form of magic. An affirmation is a form of magic. A mantra is a form of magic. Anyone that’s ever read The Secret or books on the Law of Attraction — this is magic.
Gloria: Our words are really powerful — they cast spells, which is why they call it spelling. They reflect our beliefs, sometimes our unconscious beliefs. You really have to be mindful about what you say because it can have an effect on you.
Reclaiming the Word ‘Witch’
Sunshine: I claim the word ‘witch’ very intentionally. It’s a term that has been used against women for centuries. For me, a witch is an individual that believes in and practices the psychic arts and magic, and understands that we are here to be of service to the world. I’ve identified as a witch since I was sixteen. I was raised Catholic — thirteen years of Catholic school. I always kind of joke that it was training for the witch in me. It’s very ritualistic. A lot of the practices are very witch-like.
Rock Bottom, Recovery & the Spiritual Path That Changed Everything
Sunshine: It wasn’t until I hit my rock bottom in 2019 — admitted for the first time not just to my therapist, but to my friends and family, that I was an alcoholic — that I stepped into my path of recovery. In that path of recovery, I realized I needed something more to keep me on that path, and it needed to be anchored in my spiritual beliefs. I started to ask: what do I believe in? What practices do I have? How can I anchor myself in a spiritual practice that’s ingrained in my every single waking day? That’s where the Sober Witch came about.
Sunshine: In 2017, my father was on his deathbed — from drinking. His heart was functioning at six percent. His liver and kidneys were shutting down. Watching what he had done to himself had me really questioning my relationship with alcohol. At the same time, I had a cousin — a year younger than me — who also found himself on his deathbed. I had all of these examples of what alcohol can do to the physical body. I’d been chasing relief from this addiction for a good portion of my adult life.
The Honest Truth About Moderation
Sunshine: Almost everyone I’ve ever talked to has tried to moderate. ‘I’m only going to drink on the weekends.’ ‘I’m only going to have two drinks.’ ‘I’ll only drink wine.’ All of these situations we create to try to keep our drinking in some kind of box. And the truth is, it may have worked for a week, two weeks, maybe even three months. But it never stuck.
Grace, Shame & the Courage to Start Over Right Now
Gloria: I’ve learned to just forgive myself. Give myself grace. ‘Okay, you indulged today — it’s not the end of the world.’ I had a wonderful counselor who said, ‘You can start over right now. You don’t have to wait till tomorrow. You can start at this moment and say, I’m going to make better choices right now.’
Sunshine: I love that you call out the grace — it’s so important. Carrying shame is a very strong indicator of relapse risk, because it’s a very uncomfortable emotion. Nobody enjoys feeling shame. It has the potential to lead somebody down the path of a relapse to not feel the shame. So learning how to forgive yourself, learning how to give yourself grace, is so important when it comes to recovery. And recovery from trauma too — people will find themselves in a trauma response, beating themselves up, falling back into people-pleasing patterns, starting down this path of shaming themselves. Grace is a beautiful thing.
Three Steps for Anyone Ready to Change
Step 1: Honor the Desire
Sunshine: Good for you. Amazing. Having that want and that desire is the first thing. In a twelve-step program, they’ll say the only thing you have to do to join is have the desire to stop. Just the desire. You don’t even have to not do it. You just have to have the desire.
Step 2: Be Willing to Change — All the Way
Sunshine: Be willing to change. This could be changing who you associate with, how you talk to yourself, how you show up in the world, your relationships, your place of employment. Be willing to face any fears you have around change. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result.
Step 3: Find Your Community
Sunshine: Find the community you can lean into in order to do that change. They’re not going to change you or do it for you. But they will be there to support you as you navigate it — because it can be really scary to do it alone.
Gloria: That’s the important thing. You start with the desire, you have to be willing — and then get support. To try to do it on your own is a recipe for frustration. It’s easier when you’ve got a community or even just one other person you can lean on.
Why a Coach Can Reach Where Friends Can’t
Gloria: I was working with a coach one time and she stopped me when I was talking. She said, ‘Did you hear what you just said?’ And I said, ‘What did I say?’ She repeated it back to me — I was beating myself up over something. I said, ‘Wow, I didn’t even realize it.’ That’s where having someone in your corner can be so helpful — pointing out the things we’re not even aware of.
Sunshine: There is a huge benefit in working with a coach — someone that has the skill and the experience to help navigate this stuff versus just leaning on a friend. Your friends are lovely, they’re wonderful, and they’re going to be able to support you. But our friends aren’t always willing to speak up. They’re not always practiced in the art of shifting a narrative. A lot of times our friendships tend to fall into really good bitch sessions rather than coaching sessions. Finding somebody that you can trust — a coach, a mentor, a guide — can be really important when it comes to navigating any major transition or shift in life.
Daily Healing Practices: From Reactive to Proactive
Sunshine: I have a prayer that I wrote for myself over six years ago that I say on a daily basis. It expresses gratitude, asks for continued guidance and protection, and offers prayer for those still struggling with addiction. When we anchor ourselves into some kind of daily ritual, it allows us time to reflect. I journal every day and reflect on how my day is going. My healing isn’t reactive anymore. It’s a daily consistent habit — so if I check in and notice I’ve been really anxious, I know to monitor my sleep, my caffeine, my nutrition. I’m much more consciously aware and in tune with what’s going on daily.
Gloria: My true non-negotiable is meditation. Even if it’s only ten minutes — sometimes I could do a whole hour, which is lovely — but ten minutes of being quiet, doing a little prayer, just being still, grounds me for the rest of the day. Whatever yours is, you find that one thing you can commit to, because you deserve to spend that time with yourself. And it will pay benefits down the road.
Sunshine: The most important thing is finding something you enjoy and can be consistent with. If you don’t enjoy an hour of silent meditation every day, don’t force yourself. Maybe you enjoy humming and singing and saying prayer while you’re doing the dishes. Go for it. Humming and singing is actually very healthy — emotionally and physically.
The Sober Witch Life Movement & The Sovereign Phoenix
Sunshine: The Sovereign Phoenix is a spiritual fellowship — a 501(c)(3) religious nonprofit created to support witches in recovery. All of my programming, literature, books — everything goes into the nonprofit to offer recovery circles, spiritual development events, and community gatherings. My vision is that one day we’ll have three recovery circles available every single day, as well as a legal fund for when people’s ability to practice their spiritual faith has been threatened. People have lost jobs because of being a practicing witch. There have been challenges around custody of children. It’s not uncommon.
On Designing Your Life Ahead
Gloria: If you decided to redesign your life today — design your life your way — would there be anything you’d change?
Sunshine: There’s one thing that has been a constant with me — change. I don’t have a fear of change. It may be uncomfortable, but I don’t fear it. If I were to fast forward five years, I really have this craving to write more. I would love to be in a place where my writing and my nonprofit work provide enough support to give me the space to just write — wherever I am. The best thing I can imagine is my partner and I down in Tennessee a couple years ago, in a beautiful little cabin overlooking the mountains. I was writing chapters of my book and editing. That’s what I’d like more of in my life.
Gloria: Well, you’ve put it out there in the universe now. You’ve got that desire. You can make it happen.
Closing Reflections: We All Need Community
Sunshine: If people just take one thing from my message today: find the connection and the support you need in this world to navigate whatever it is. Whether it’s a strong friend group, a support group, your church, or the community you’re connected with — don’t think you have to navigate the difficulties of life alone.
Gloria: And I want to say — what I love about what you’re doing is that you’re supporting other people. When you do support other people, it helps keep you on that road too, doesn’t it?
Sunshine: Sure does. I tell people — I’m super selfish. I’m doing all of this for my own recovery over here! When you are able to accomplish something, share it with somebody else and help them along. Because we all need community. Even more than we have before. Show love to one another. That’s my thing.
