When Good Intentions Meet Self-Sabotage
Namaste.
Have you ever set out to do something with the best of intentions and you start off doing really well and then somewhere along the way you stop doing really well and you goof off or you basically self sabotage yourself, you stop doing the things that you wanted to do to accomplish the goal that you wanted to accomplish?
Well, that’s been my story lately. So I’m gonna be real with you today.
A few months ago I, I talked on this podcast about the fact that I wanted to start some new habits. Yeah. In fact there was a, there’s an episode called Habits and because it’s my intention, because that I needed to get back into shape because I’m going to be running a a 10K and a half marathon in the fall. And I’ve done those types of races before, especially the half marathon and I haven’t always been in the best of shape when I’ve done them. And I vowed that this year I wanted it to be different, especially because I’m running the 10k with my son and my daughter in law and I want to, I don’t want to embarrass myself.
I guess that’s basically it. Yeah.
So here it is. I’m recording this in June, mid. Well, yeah, still the fairly the beginning of June, almost mid June and I’m supposed to start training in about two weeks and I still haven’t gotten myself in a good eating pattern. Now the exercise I’m doing okay because I’ve started to do some cross training and I started do a little bit of running. Nothing consistent yet but at least to just sort of get myself in that mode.
But it’s the darn food. And it’s so frustrating to me because I’ve been here so many times before and I vowed this last time that I wasn’t going to let it happen again. In fact, if you were watching the previous incarnation of this podcast Live Love Engage last year in 2025, especially before any episodes before the end of the year, let’s say I was looking a lot thinner because I was a lot thinner. And you know my son got married last fall and so I was very proud of myself on how well I looked for that wedding. And then the holidays rolled around.
Excuse me. And I haven’t been the same since dog gone it. But I’m not giving up. I’m not giving up. I haven’t reached my top, top weight that I have done over like the last decade where I would like be really great.
Release a lot of weight one year and then the next year put all that weight back on again. So I haven’t gotten to the very top yet, but I’m getting dangerously close. Excuse me. Sorry. Let me have a drink of water.
I don’t know why there’s a frog in my throat today.
So I wanted to talk about this a little bit perhaps also.
Accountability Without Shame: Loving My Body While Wanting Change
Selfishly for me. I think my live stream there got a little. We had. We had a pause. I. I’ll check and I need to see if I have to edit that out or not.
So selfishly, I guess I’m doing this episode today because I want you all to hold me accountable. I. And I need to be able to see myself, my little chubby cheeks that are coming back, my little unfortunate double chin that’s also winding its way back into my life that I’m not fond of. Now here’s the thing too though, is that all the person personal development work I’ve done over the years that I know it’s important to love my body as it is and I do. And if you are going through something like this, I hope that you love yourself as you are no matter how you are because it doesn’t help to then beat yourself up over engaging in behaviors, let’s say that you are.
You don’t want to engage in that you know, are not as healthy for you.
As healthy for you as I’m. I’m trying to do that. But no, that. That you know, are not healthy for you. Period.
End of sentence paragraph.
The Dream That Sparked This Episode
And yet why do we do it? Why do we self sabotage? And I’ve spent lots of times over the journaling about this. And I can make lots of excuses but it is interesting. The other reason I decided to talk about this today is that I had an interesting dream last night where I.
It was something about help me attempting to help someone else who is, I think, you know, going through some other addiction maybe to alcohol or something. I’m not quite sure now. It got a little fuzzy on know once I woke up but. But I know it was something about that the message that was coming through that I was actually speaking to someone was that unless someone is holding a gun to your head and saying if you don’t do this, I’m going to kill you. Or maybe holding a gun to a loved one’s head.
We Always Have a Choice
We have a choice. I have a choice. I can decide whether or not I’m going to indulge in this behavior. Yes, when I’m eating sugar and I’m eating grains, it can be quite addictive. And I know there Is some of this is physical.
And I also know that I have been able to stop eating the sugar lots of times in my life. And I actually even did it a few weeks ago. I took a break for a while, and I actually was starting to release the weight, and then I decided not to. And I decided, no, I’m gonna have that Chinese. I’m gonna go buy some, you know, nice Chinese food and eat that fortune cookie, and then I’m gonna go buy some chips.
And, you know, it’s like, So what do we do?
What can we do when we get into.
Well, the one thing I decided, and I was journaling this morning about this. Although actually, I think even before I was journaling, I think I was just thinking about it again when I was. I was probably lying in bed this morning knowing that my cat wanted me to come out and feed him. And I was sort of like, I’ll be there in a minute, cat, but thinking about, okay, so what can I do when I find that craving Come back? What can I do?
So one of the things I was thinking that I want to do is to. Normally, it’s when I’m sitting here at my desk on the computer, working, and all of a sudden they’ll be like, I want something. You know, I’m hungry, but am I really hungry? But I’m not really hungry, but I still want something anyway. So I have.
Discovering the Triple Flame App: A Pause Practice for Cravings
I’ve got an app on my phone that’s called the Triple Flame app, and it’s from the. Created by folks behind the Gene Keys. And you can set a. You can set it so that it, Number one, that it gives you reminders throughout the day to pause.
But I was thinking that is that certainly that’s one way to do it. But I think I might just. You can also just go to the app right now and. And I’ll maybe see if I can show it to you here. So it.
Let’s see if I can get the sun there. So. So it shows. Right now there are 14 beings are pausing right now. But I could just hit this little button that’s in the center, this blue button that says start, pause.
And then it counts me down three minutes of pausing.
And then you could just, you know, stop it. And they have music. They also have, you know, the pause mode. You’ve got silent guided music or journey. I don’t know what journey is.
And the pause length, you can change between 3 minutes, 5 minutes, or 10 minutes. So what I might do, I’m thinking seriously about this is. Is when I have this issue come up for me is I’m going to take a five minute break. Not even three minutes. I’m going to make myself get away from here.
I’m going to go into my living room and I’m going to sit down over there or maybe I’ll sit on my meditation cushion in my bedroom and I am going to pause for five minutes and just sit and contemplate and really get curious about what is going on with me.
Getting Curious: Why This Craving Is Emotional, Not Physical
Yeah, my higher self is liking this idea. Yeah, I just kind of got a little excitement running through my body right there. So yeah, I’m on the right track here to get curious about why am I feeling the way I’m feeling? Because this is emotional. This is not physical.
Really. I know that this is emotional. I know this because my whole life I have dealt with eating as my trigger thing for what I reach for when I’m sad or anxious.
Family Patterns Around Coping (Without Blame)
It’s my comfort. And other people, in fact, people in my family, my dad reached for alcohol. My brother did too, a little bit. I know my grandfather also, I believe my dad’s dad, I think was an alcoholic as I recall from stories hearing or his brother was or something like that.
So there may be a genetic component here and that doesn’t mean I have to complain. Complain. I have. Maybe I’m complaining. It doesn’t have to complain about it, but it also doesn’t mean that I have to claim it.
That’s what I was going. That’s, that’s really the word I wanted. I don’t have to claim that. I don’t have to say, you know, this is my identity. No.
And I know my mom was also dealt with food as her, as her drug of choice as well instead of, you know, to cope with my dad. So she ate. And I’m not blaming her for that. I’m not. I know it might sound that way, but honest, I swear I’m not blaming you, mom.
I’m not, I’m not.
Because she did also shed the weight as well. And she, she did it when I was a little kid. In fact, she was a Weight Watchers lecturer when I was really little. So I don’t vague memory of that. But I know she, I know she was.
And you know, for whatever reason she stopped and put weight on again. So.
Journaling as a Second Tool for Self-Discovery
That’s one strategy that I have. I also felt as I was thinking about this this morning, another strategy that I, I feel will work as well is if I’ve sat for five minutes and I still find that after being curious that I Still want something that I know is not in my best interests. Shall we say that I am going to then journal about it because maybe that will help me, you know, like, why am I doing this? I’m gonna. I’ll probably start writing that way.
And I feel between the two of those techniques, I feel between the two of those two things, it should help me to be able to deal with this issue I’m having at the moment so that I can stop self sabotaging and get back on track, You know. And I’m thinking something else. Here’s another, another trick. And so these techniques, if you are going through some type of self sabotage, I hope that you. I’m intending this for you to take as strategies that you can try in your own life as well.
Pausing to Find the Third Tool
So. So what was I thinking just a second ago? And then I distracted myself.
Okay. So. Yes. Pausing, journaling. Darn.
Okay, well, hopefully it’ll come back to me. I had a. I had a third idea there. Okay. Anyway.
Yeah. Looking into why we do this. So it’s. It’s frustrating. Oh, I know where I was going to go with this.
Now I remember. Thank you, brain. Thank you, higher self. Yes.
Reminder Notes: ‘You’ve Succeeded Before, You Can Do It Again’
I was thinking of putting up a note that I can have somewhere maybe on my computer and maybe in the ref. On the refrigerator in the bathroom, put some notes around saying you’ve done it before, you have succeeded before, you could do it again. You’ve succeeded before, you could do it again.
Breaking the Hamster Wheel of Self-Sabotage
Yeah, because I think that’s where sometimes the self sabotage becomes a sort of. Takes on a life of its own. Because the more you indulge in whatever self sabotaging method you have, it sort of becomes like you’re on this hamster wheel and it’s hard to get off because we forget that we have gotten off the wheel before. And we didn’t start on the wheel. We climbed onto it Purposely. Purpose. Purposely, purposefully. Whatever. We climbed onto it.
We chose to climb onto it. We can choose to climb off.
It’s really that simple. But it ain’t easy. It’s simple, but it ain’t easy. Because if it was, I wouldn’t be here talking about it.
When Self-Sabotage Spills Into Your Business
Okay, let me talk about how else self sabotage is showing up for me as well. And maybe you can relate to this too is I have this, this habit where I get into when I’m not eating well then unfortunately spills over into my business because I’ve noticed that I have not been following my wonderful editorial calendar and posting three times a week on LinkedIn as I had intended to do. I have not been. I did do some posting in my wonderful Facebook group, the Soulful Women’s Network. So I have done that and in fact I’m going to put up this little banner if you ever want to check out our group.
It’s a it. We have a free community on Facebook that you can join. You can go to Bitly Forward SL Soul Network. And that’s all lowercase. I’ll have it in the show notes too.
So yeah, that’s, that’s been a big problem, especially because last week I had an, I had a brainstorm for an idea of. Oh, okay.
I, I’m making a note because I want to come back to this. I’m going to come back to a point that’s coming up in my head. But I had this idea of something that I wanted to do. I wanted to make an offer in my business and I wanted to send out an email about offering a special for my light language services that I provide. And I have this great idea and that’s as far as it went.
I didn’t follow through on it.
Naming the Real Reason: Fear of Success
Which leads me to another reason possibly why we self sabotage and why I self sabotage. Whether this applies to you or not, that’s something that you’re going to have to get curious about and wonder about. So what I had written down there was fear success.
I know lots of people talk about fear failure, but I think fear of success is almost more.
Damaging, Disheartening, discouraging, depressing. We can come up with all sorts of words here.
Yeah. And I sometimes have wondered over the years when I get into doing this type of self sabotage behavior if it isn’t because there is some part of me that has a fear of success.
A Journaling Exercise: Best Case vs. Worst Case
So what I’m thinking of doing, and I recommend this as well, is, and I know I’ve, I’ve had, I’ve worked with coaches before who, who’ve talked about doing things, talked about doing this type of exercise is that I, I think I want to journal, spend some time journaling maybe later today about what is the worst thing that could happen if I were to succeed. Let’s just start with releasing this extra weight and what’s the best thing that could happen and then also then talk about what’s the worst thing that could happen if I keep self sabotaging my business and then what’s the best thing that could happen.
And I have done this in the past and with other circumstances, but really take some time and I encourage you to do this as well. Again, if you are going through something right now, if this is resonating with you, my confession time today, if this is resonating with you, I encourage you to do this and really spend some time writing as many possible scenarios and that could happen in both cases because I know eventually what you come up can come up with is usually the best thing that can happen is so much better than the worst thing that could happen that it makes more sense to focus on what’s the best that could happen and stop engaging in that self sabotaging behavior.
Recap: The First Tool — Pause Before You Act
So let me recap today a little bit for you and because then we’re going to do something else in a little while too that I, I really believe I need to do more of. I haven’t been doing it enough for myself personally and that’s why I’m going to share that with you today. But before I get there. So what I recommend is if you find that you are engaging in some type of behavior that you know is not healthy, you, Is not productive for you, whether that’s in your personal life or whether it’s in your business, pause before you engage in that behavior. If you find yourself wanting to do it or not do it as the case may be, maybe it’s not exercising when you know you could be exercising.
So whatever that is, Pause. Set a timer on your phone. Use the Triple Flame app or just set a timer on your phone and just sit for five minutes. And I think five minutes would be a good time. It’s not, not too long, not too short.
Sit for five minutes.
Maybe just be still for a little bit for the first minute or so. Breathe. Yeah. Take a deep breath. Yeah.
And then start getting curious and say okay, what’s going on here?
Get Curious, Not Judgmental: The Second Tool
What, what am I feeling? What, what, what am I trying to avoid? What am I, what’s. What could possibly be causing me to want to do this or not do this behavior that is going to self. That’s going to sabotage my ultimate goal.
And just be curious. Don’t be judgmental about it. Just be curious about it. And just, and, and I would say at the end of that, just say thank you. Thank you higher self for cluing me in.
Because now you can choose. And if you choose to go ahead and do the self sabotaging behavior, at least you’re doing it mindfully. Oh yeah, that was a good point that needed to come out. You’re. You’re choosing to do it and that’s.
It’s okay in the short term. Let me just say that it’s probably not good in the long term, but in that moment, at least if you can consciously say, you know, what effort. Yeah, I am deciding I am going to do this because when you just mindfully do it, or mindlessly, I should say mindlessly do it, you know, just acting on autopilot, then it’s so easy to keep continuing to do it or not do it, but taking that time to say, okay, what do I really want right now? And maybe something happened where you’re really upset and you’re like, you know what? I’m gonna give myself this grace to indulge a little bit right now and then, but just this once, just right now, today, and then I’m gonna get right back on track again.
That’s okay. You can do that. You’re allowed. Okay. Because I’m not here to be.
To. We don’t. The thing is, we don’t want to start, you know, beating ourselves up over the sabotage. That’s not gonna help. That’s just gonna reinforce the sabotaging behavior.
I know I speak from experience. I’ve done it.
Reminder Notes and a Fourth Tool: The Mirror Practice
Now, once you’ve done that, and let’s say you’ve decided that, no, I really. I really don’t want to do this behavior or whatever it is, but I still feel the craving. Then spend some time journaling about it and see what comes up for you. And then, like I said, maybe put some. Some reminder notes for yourself around saying, you know, you’ve.
You’ve got this. You can do it. You did it before. You can do it again. And if it’s something new, just say, you know what?
I have faith in you. You can do this. I have faith in you. And in fact, here’s the fourth, fourth little tip. Go look at a mirror and look at yourself in the mirror and just say, you know, I’m gonna.
I’m gonna pretend. I’m gonna pretend this is me. You’re in my mirror right now, and I’m gonna say, grace, I love you. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be healthy.
You deserve all the wonderful things in your life that you want. You can do this. You’ve done it before. You can do it again. I have faith in you.
A Light Language Transmission for Release
Okay, so that’s another thing now, last thing I’m going to recommend you do. There’s something I’m going to do with you right now, and this is something that, again, I need to do for myself more often, and that is to share some light language with you. So if you are somewhere safe where you can ideally Close your eyes. I would recommend that is to close your eyes. We’re going to take a deep breath together foreign and I’m going to invite you to set an intention that.
Whatever is leading you to self sabotage, whatever is going on, that the message that you’re going to hear right now today is going to help you to release that need to self sabotage. Okay. And I’m going to ask that for myself as well. So. All right.
So that’s what I’m going to do. So I encourage you to again, just if it’s safe somewhere where you can just sit back, close your eyes and just not worry about trying to understand what I’m going to be either speaking or singing perhaps. But just let, let that message touch your heart today. Okay?
[AUDIO TRANSMISSION ONLY]
I hope that resonated with you today. I hope you felt that a lot of love coming out with that. Yeah. Oh my goodness. It has been quite a day.
It has been quite a day today and I’m just going to throw this out here as well is that if you ever want to have your own private session with me, I’d love sharing light language over zoom instead of streamyard. But I’ll share it over zoom with you and we can work together on anything specific that is really challenging you. So yeah, I hope you will consider reach out to me. You can go to my website, go to gloriagracerand.com or for Gloria rand.com and you’ll see up at the top it’ll. There’ll be a place there where you can see under work with me that you can see about scheduling a session with me.
I would love to, love to work with you and I’ll. I’ll put a link for that in the show notes as well.
Let’s Stop Self-Sabotaging — One Day at a Time (Tool Five)
Ah, okay. So let’s stop self. Let me start that again. Let me try that again. Let’s start.
No, let’s stop. Let me do it that way. Let’s stop self sabotaging this week. Okay? Here, come on, shake hands with me.
Come on. Let’s commit ourselves to doing this today. Okay. Or at least today. How about today, you know, f the rest of the week.
How about just today? Let’s not self sabotage today. One day at a time. You know, that’s what the AA always talks about. One day at a time.
So yeah, let’s do it. Let’s do it one day at a time. That’s. That’s number five. There you go.
Let’s take it one day at a time. Yeah. Get through one day and then we’ll let tomorrow take care of itself. I think that’s. That’s the way to go.
Closing: Share This With a Woman Who Needs It
So thank you for being with me today. I hope if this episode was useful to you, that you know what, the single best thing that you could do for the show today is to share it with someone else who would get something out of it. You know, I. I of course, love reviews, but you know what? Right now, I would just love to get this in front of more people. So whether you’re watching this or you’re listening to it, please share it with someone who maybe you’ve seen them self sabotage.
You don’t have to mention this episode necessarily, but just, you know, recommend that they check out the podcast, especially if they’re a woman over 50, and look into design their life their way, you know? So until we meet again next week, I encourage you to go out and live boldly. Boldly. There we go. Not go boldly where no one has gone before.
Okay, if you’re a Star Trek fan like I am, but I want you to live boldly and do it on purpose.
