Money and Emotions with Emily Shull

Today’s we’re talking about money with certified money coach Emily Shull. She’s the founder of Me Myself and Money, a financial coaching business where Emily teaches her clients how to transform their relationship with money so that they can earn, manage, and enjoy their money without anxiety.

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On this episode of the Live. Love. Engage. podcast:

• What drew Emily into becoming a Certified Financial Coach.
• The main focus of her money coaching business.
• The typical roadblocks people have when it comes to money.
• Why Emily encourages her clients to eliminate the shame they have around money.
• What a healthy relationship with money looks like.
• The first step Emily takes when working with her clients.
• Why our thoughts about money are generally automatic.
• How awareness of our thoughts around money can empower us.
• The money pattern that Emily finds is most unique to women.
• The money issue that men and women both have in common.
• How women typically approach investing, and how they can improve their approach.
• The limiting beliefs and money blocks of entrepreneurs.
• The biggest misconception people have about managing their money.
• Fun strategies to discover your personal money blocks.
• Why you should hire a financial coach.
• What Emily finds is most fulfilling about her work.

Connect with Emily

Me Myself and Money Website: https://memyselfandmoney.com/

FB business page: https://www.facebook.com/memyselfmoney

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/emily-shull-memyselfandmoney/

TRANSCRIPT

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TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:02] I am Gloria Grace Rand, founder of the Love Method and author of the number one Amazon best seller, Live Love Engage How to Stop Doubting Yourself and start being yourself. In this podcast, we share practical advice from a spiritual perspective on how to live fully, love deeply and engage authentically so you can create a life and business with more impact, influence and income. Welcome to Live, Love, Engage. Namaste and welcome to Live, Love, Engage, I am Gloria Grace Rand, and

[00:00:43] Today we’re going to be talking about money and your relationship with money and how to have a good one. And joining me on the show today is Emily Schull. And am I pronouncing that correctly? The last name? OK, yes. I wasn’t sure because it could be Shawal or something. So I just took I took a guess there. And she is a certified money coach and so and founder of me myself and money. So welcome. Welcome, Emily.

[00:01:14] Thanks so much, Gloria. Thanks for having me.

[00:01:16] Yeah, I appreciate it. So let me tell you a little bit about Emily and why she is an expert in people’s relationships with money and how you can have a better one. Emily helps people like you understand and transform your relationship with money so you can earn and manage and enjoy your money without the anxiety. What a concept. She’s got a master’s degree in family financial planning, but the more she learned about the practical side of money, the more she realized something was missing. And that was the emotional side. And so now her sole focus of her coaching practice is not actually on your numbers, but on you and your relationship with money. And the and she helps individuals and couples to be able to see old patterns and behaviors and money blocks for keeping them stuck, which is something that, yes, my my husband and I definitely discovered that we had some different ideas about, even about money, which I know you and I have talked about in the past, just getting to know each other. So tell me a little bit first before we kind of get into really about. Well, and I guess a part of it is, is what what drew you actually to the financial area and then just. Yeah, let’s just start there first. What kind of drew you to be able to get to become even certified money coach?

[00:02:46] Sure. Yeah, well, it was kind of a meandering path. So I had always for a long time, I had an interest in financial personal finance. When I was in my early twenties, I got into some debt and many of us do. And I realized I needed to learn how to manage my money because that was just never taught to me. So I figured it out. I read book after book and slowly made sense, and I’ve always enjoyed helping people. So I knew I wanted to get into a helping profession and I thought financial planning might be one of them. So a long story short, I ended up eventually in a master’s program for financial planning after having another career first. And as I went through that program, I thought I was going to become a financial advisor. And this program, it was great because it had career transition, people like myself. But it also had a lot of financial professionals, advisers and planners and life insurance agents and educators. And what I found during our discussions was that many of them were thought every financial problem had a financial solution. And I saw things differently and that the concept of behavior like a behavioral solution or an emotional solution was just not present in the conversations. And so I thought, you know, it feels like there’s something missing to me here. I’ve just always had a feeling that money is emotional. And I followed that feeling and I wanted to learn more about that side of it. So I came across the Money Coaching Institute. I became trained as a certified money coach. And that means I’m able to help people understand their history with money in their pattern of behaviors so they can see what’s stopping them from being truly comfortable with money and with themselves.

[00:04:34] Yeah, what what have you found? That is maybe some of those, like, stumbling blocks that people run into with money, especially as it relates to more of the emotional side of things.

[00:04:49] Yeah, it all kind of really boiled down to a couple of really basic ones, it has usually to do with really very old wounds that we almost all of us have growing up. So feelings that were not enough, that we don’t have enough or that we don’t want to be a bother to people. I think it’s really amazing. When I work with people, we go through their money biographies, and so they start with their early money memories all the way to the present. And so many women in particular shared early money memory of asking for something and being scolded for it, like asking for a present, being at a having their birthday come up and they’re excited and they suggest to a friend or their mother or an aunt all, can you buy me this for my birthday and then being shamed about it? No, we don’t do that. If someone wants to give us a present, they can do that. But we never ask. But then 20, 30 years later, you’re working. And that affects your ability to ask for a raise. It affects your ability to charge what you’re worth and ask people to give you money or to raise your rates.

[00:05:53] Yeah, absolutely. And some of the other things, too. And I and I have talked about this a little bit because I know I think some of the things that affect us are even just the attitudes our parents have about money, because like my mother grew up during the Depression and so she was always really coming at things from a alack mentality, I guess is the best way to say it. And because she didn’t have a lot of growing up and even though when I I know I think my brothers and sisters maybe have a little bit harder. But I know what I grew up, she actually started working full time. But I guess it was also to be able to afford things. But but we were able to afford things. And she was always relying on her mother for money. And that, I think, affected me, too, because I was like I think subconsciously I was expecting other people to rescue me for money as well and not being able to rely on myself totally for that.

[00:07:00] And that is so common. That is so common, especially for women. We’re often really disempowered when it comes to money. And given this message, usually not overt, but it’s it’s it’s embedded in everything our parents do. And what they don’t tell us, it’s embedded in all of that, that you don’t really have to worry about money. Someone else is going to take care of this. And I see it so often, especially in women, and they get to their midlife and they think, oh, my gosh, how could I have let myself not know about money at this point? And they feel like there’s something wrong with them and like a failure. They’re comparing themselves to other people who had a very different upbringing. And so my my favorite thing that I’m able to do is to help clients understand that there is nothing fundamentally wrong with you. You are where you are for a reason. Let’s understand why that is and get rid of the shame so that you’re able to move forward.

[00:07:54] Yeah, that’s that’s real important. So what does a healthy relationship with money look like?

[00:08:01] But, yeah, it’s one free of much of the anxiety that most of us carry around with money. And it doesn’t matter if you you don’t have a lot of money and you’re anxious that you really struggle to pay the bills and to make ends meet and to get ahead. Or you could have millions in the bank and you struggle because you don’t feel like you can be really honest and open about yourself in your situation for fear of being judged. You feel guilty, you feel undeserving of the money. So people across the spectrum and in between, it’s about being comfortable with ourselves, really standing in our own power. This work really begins with taking a look at ourselves and seeing where we’re giving away power, where we’re taking power away from other people. And and it’s a life long journey to be able to do this and to understand. Yeah, just being more comfortable with our money and with ourselves. And it affects all of our relationships because money is tied to everything in life. It’s tied to our core survival issues. It brings up fight, flight or freeze like nothing else, because it’s a really core survival issue. We don’t have money. We can’t have a safe place to live. We don’t have enough to eat. So so it’s an important thing to to understand and discover.

[00:09:22] Yeah. And it is interesting that it doesn’t matter how much money you have because you could still really have issues about it. And and there have been stories about people who win the lotto and within just a few short years, they don’t have the money anymore because they’ve gone through it, because they because of their relationship with money they didn’t really understand or didn’t have for whatever reason they were. I don’t even know, but I just know that it’s it’s it’s a shame because they don’t have that good relationship with money having a healthy relationship with it. So what would be how do you help people? I mean, what’s sort of like the first step is

[00:10:05] Someone has to take to be able to

[00:10:07] Heal this maybe or maybe even a better way would be to let go of some of this emotional baggage

[00:10:15] Or carry around with them. Yeah, well, that’s where we go. We go straight to the emotion. So when I work with people one on one or even in the group work that I do with them, we go we really dive into our money history. So going through the money biography and then I help them see what they can’t see. And none of us can see all of our money patterns, just like we can’t physically see ourselves. We need a mirror to see our face and to see behind us. When we’re looking at our money history and the patterns of behavior, we really need someone else to hold that mirror so that we can see ourselves. And it has nothing to do with the number of degrees you have, how intelligent you are, or even your emotional intelligence. It’s just a fact that we all have blind spots. So I help them see the origin, the emotional origin, especially of where their money blocks are coming from, because that’s how we can free them. And to understand that, it’s important to know how the brain works and how our patterns form. So most of the time we’re taught that money is math, that money is logical. And so we just get so we blame ourselves when we’re not able to have a good relationship with them, where we’re not able to make it work.

[00:11:30] But the thing is, all of our behaviors around money, most of them are automatic because they come from thoughts that have been with us since we were very, very young. And every time we have a negative experience in childhood, our subconscious brain records that it records the emotion and what happened. And so whenever we feel unsafe again, it it triggers that automatic behavior. So until we go back to that emotion and figure out, OK, what is the story that was recorded here? What is my brain trying to protect me from? Because our subconscious it’s like a naive parent, it tries really hard to protect you, but often it does so at your expense. It ends up hurting in the long run. So we go back to an emotional experience and then once you can see it and connect the dots, then often you’re able to release it. Sometimes it takes more work, of course, to be able to release and let just the knowing alone that awareness gives you control. That’s the first time that you have a choice to make. OK, I understand where this is coming from now and now I can decide to do something different.

[00:12:42] Do you find that? I mean, I know you work with individuals and couples, but do you feel I guess I guess you probably already said this, but is it women that really do seem to be more challenged when it comes to this area? And are there. Have you found even are there unique particular patterns that maybe women have that that men don’t?

[00:13:08] I think women definitely have the pattern of not having been empowered, so they feel so much shame about where they are with money now and not being able to manage it well and really overwhelmed and anxious. And even if they participate in the household finances there, we have been trained for centuries not to use our power. And there are good historic reasons for that. I mean, we’re physically smaller than men. We need to cooperate in order to protect ourselves. And so what ends up happening is we we often have passive aggressive behaviours. So even if we are involved, we we don’t take total control or at times we want to take more control than we need. And it just sets us up for an unhealthy relationship, not only with ourselves and money, but with our partner. I forgot your question that no, I think that was it. Yeah, I

[00:14:02] Was just wondering if there was something particularly unique about women versus

[00:14:06] Women. So women. Yes, a lot of issues around power and not being empowered. I wish I could talk more about men, but honestly, most women are attracted to me more than men. So most of the men that I’ve worked with are in my couples. And they I would like to learn more about men because they have their own unique set of issues. But one thing that that both men and women have in common is not being able to see where they’re blocked. And even if we think we have an idea, we have an idea of our history. But it’s different from connecting all the pieces together.

[00:14:43] Yeah, absolutely. It. I think what. We I knew what I wanted to talk to you about because this was an experience I went to a couple of years ago and attended an investment seminar was actually like a whole I think they call it the money show actually here in Orlando. And so they have a lot of different things doing different ways to invest. And but they also have with one morning session that was geared specifically for women and men and women and investing. And I think what has your experience with with investing? Because I know I’ve been myself I know in the past I was a little cautious about it, and especially because, again, my parents did not invest in the stock market because, again, they both grew up during the Depression. And I think they saw what happened to other people. And so they were not investors. And yet my husband is was is interested in investing. And and so I spend. You know, trying to learn more, and yet at the same time, it is sometimes it’s like it does, it just like overwhelms me and I don’t want to know about it. So what have you do deal with talking with women in particular about that part and investing especially because women tend to outlive men. And so we need to be able to make sure we’ve got enough money to live on.

[00:16:26] Yeah, so women definitely tend all the research says women tend to lack confidence when it comes to investing and they tend to rely on men. They just think that men intuitively know what to do, which is not true. The research shows that women actually have better performance in their portfolios than men do. Women are more cautious, but they trade less. And so that’s where the difference comes in. Men have overconfidence often and they lose money because of that. It’s so frustrating the number of such intelligent women I talk to that just don’t have confidence and think, oh, I just need when I get married, my husband will take care of this or oh, I just need an adviser. And there’s nothing wrong with having an adviser. But this is something that everyone can learn. So there there’s just a mental block around it, but there doesn’t need to be. It’s something that everyone can learn.

[00:17:23] What how do you how would you recommend to someone get started? I mean, because I know I’ve heard well and I’ve read different stories where actually I think I was a sea of course, I was taking one some prosperity consciousness. And he recommended just just even just starting to read The Wall Street Journal and not even necessarily understanding it, but just at least read it so you start becoming familiar with things. So is that something that you would recommend that women would do?

[00:17:53] I would recommend starting with a book probably written by a female author. That’s where I started. And I say that just because men and women do tend to have different styles of writing. So find any book that resonates with you, any book about finance that resonates with you and start there and then just continue reading from there that that’s what I did. And at first it sounds foreign, but the more you read little bits drip and drab and they get there over time and it starts to make sense, I would say, starting with The Wall Street Journal, I wouldn’t recommend that because I even having a master’s degree in financial planning, I don’t think I would enjoy that or even know everything about what I’m reading. So start with anything that resonates with you,

[00:18:41] Like that idea of, oh, what I was going to ask you now, are there any I don’t know. Do you work with do you work with like entrepreneurs? And have you found any unique challenges that entrepreneurs have with money entrepreneurs?

[00:18:59] A lot of this goes to the asking again, like I find that a lot of them have challenging when challenges when it comes to marketing and sales. And that’s where a lot of those limiting beliefs and money blocks come up and those old patterns of, oh, it just feels icky to ask or I don’t want to be too big. I don’t want to feel boastful. I don’t want to bother people writing all of these social media posts or sending out too many emails. So those are very common with entrepreneurs. Yeah, I mean, being a business owner is such a great way to explore your relationship with anything. And it’s such a personal growth opportunity because you’re faced with different situations all the time and at different levels of your business, you’re going to face different challenges. So it’s a great opportunity to to explore both your relationship with your money and and yourself.

[00:19:54] Are there any misconceptions that people have about money and and in building a relationship with money, have you found? And what are they, if so,

[00:20:10] Misconceptions, I think I think the first one is people think that it is more logical and math based than it really is. So they just there’s just so much shame that gets in the way. We get stuck, stuck in the cycle of shame. And because we feel like we should be at a certain place that we’re not now. And we think, oh, there there are books about this. There are blogs about this, like I read about this before, and I still can’t get my act right. What’s wrong with me? So I think the biggest misconception is that it’s logical and not emotional. And so that keeps us stuck. Whereas if we just went to the emotions first, we’d be able to untangle all of this and then move forward in the practical way.

[00:20:56] Well, I that makes sense, definitely, because I like I said, I know that irredentist in my instance, it’s been dealing with that and recognizing that, yeah, I’ve definitely had some issues where I’ve it has been related more to the emotional, the emotional side of it. What else is. How else can people. Is there something even that they can do now to be able to? I mean, is is it a good idea, I guess, to to try to figure out? You know. Trying to look at what what the different beliefs that people have, or is it just better for them to just really just start seeking some help and try to rather than trying to figure this out on their own?

[00:21:56] I’d say that depends on the level of distress that you’re feeling around money. So if, you know, I probably have some money blocks, but you have enough money coming in and you can pay your bills, it’s not challenging you on a day to day basis, then you can certainly start with yourself and some good places to start could be sentenced completions. Just sit down and think about money in different ways. So if I had a million dollars, I would feel and then just list five to ten answers thinking as quickly as you can. Not censoring yourself. And you’ll probably be surprised some some of those answers. Another good way to figure out what your money box might be. A fun a fun way to draw a picture. So I do this with my clients and I even have a program that I run. Sometimes that we do is exclusively drawing pictures. So I draw a picture of your relationship with money or draw a picture of how you earn money. And this is effective because when we think about pictures and draw pictures, it uses our subconscious brain which thinks as a whole. So it really gets to those emotional undercurrents of it. And we can after we draw the picture, we can literally point to it and see the area that’s that’s getting us stuck.

[00:23:19] So I’ve done this often. And one example that I have, I drew a picture and in the corner was a television and had economic news on it. So that was representing my anxiety. And everything is good. But that’s in the corner and it’s always on that television, on. I could think to myself, all right, how how can I can I turn it off? Can I lower the volume? What does it take for me to do that? Do I need to meditate? So it’s it’s a very effective and fun way to get to money blocks. So that’s for people who are. Yeah, they don’t have acute money issues right now. But if you do if you are out of a job and you know that something is keeping you from looking or keeping you from getting the job, it’s something you really want to advance. But something is keeping you from asking for that raise or doing what you need to do to get it if you’re in that situation or if you just feel overwhelmed with overwhelmed with anxiety, with guilt, then yes, I would highly recommend seeking out some help. Someone like me or some someone similar, a financial therapist who can help because we’re trying to do this and you don’t have to go it alone.

[00:24:36] That’s an important lesson for people to know because it’s trying to do things on your own for a while. If it can take a lot longer and be more painful, frankly, than if you just sucked it up and and just ask for help, because then you can get it. It’s like rip off the Band-Aid faster than you can let it heal that much quicker if you’re just trying to keep it, keep burying it and covering it up, because that doesn’t help it either. What else can I guess what else have you found in in your work or may come out from a different way? What do you find most fulfilling about the work that you do?

[00:25:25] I love I just love personal development and growth, like I’m just a junkie, and what I love about this is that it’s this is an intersection of personal development and personal finance. So what I love most is helping people feel that connection to themselves and their history and an understanding that brings relief, thinking that that moment when they think, oh, this makes sense. And oh, there’s yes, there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with me. Now I understand why I’m acting this way. It’s a moment of. Understanding and then the self forgiveness that comes right afterwards and and seeing them be able to shift their perspective of themselves and their future. It’s so incredibly rewarding.

[00:26:19] Yeah, I can imagine that. It would be because I know even when I work with clients in different aspects, I know it is rewarding to be able to see people get that aha moment and when they can start taking different steps. So that’s great that you’re able to to help people as we’re recording this in the middle of November, almost the end of the year. And we’ve been it’s been a challenging year. Twenty, twenty, all sorts of different things. Has there been anything in either you personally or in your practice that has been something unique that maybe has come about because of covid?

[00:27:09] I can’t I can’t really say that covid has changed my practice so much. What has changed for me this year is that I have. Excuse me, I’ve been marketing more. And and actually, I came across a huge money block when it came time to do that earlier this year. And up until then, I was relying on organic growth and I thought, you know what, I really need to get into marketing. And that was such a wonderful experience for me. Marketing my services as a money coach and then being faced with my own money block that I had to go through with this very humbling. But it made me realize that I had been limiting myself to one on one coaching, because I do believe that the most effective way to heal is to do one on one because you have another person to really help you see see, but that that doesn’t need to be the only thing that I offer. So I ended up creating a course this summer and helping people in a group, and it was it went phenomenal. So I’d say this year it’s just been dealing with my own limiting beliefs and seeing what else is possible.

[00:28:25] Well, that’s good. That’s it’s always good. And I think because of that now you’re able to be able to help people even more on a deeper level now because you’ve been able to go through that. So it’s so it’s probably been a blessing then. Yeah. So if someone wants to be able to learn more about your your programs and things like that, where it’s the best way for people to get a hold of you,

[00:28:53] Is that the best way is my website, which is me, myself and money dot com. Pretty easy and is spelled out and you can find out more information about my services, and so I do one on one and couples and then a couple times a year and offer different courses and programs as well. And I have a money type quiz on my website. So if anyone is curious about their relationship with money, they can take that and see the different the different facets of themselves and how they interact with money.

[00:29:27] Very good. Think I might have to check that out myself so I can see if I’ve improved over the years and developed a better relationship now. I think I know, but I know it sounds like improvisationally, but

[00:29:42] It’s always a it’s a lifelong work.

[00:29:43] Yeah, definitely. Well, thank you so much for sharing some wonderful strategies and information about how we can develop a better relationship with money because money is still what we need. It helps us to be able to buy the things we need, buy food, shelter, and we need to be able to manage it better. So I’m grateful to have you here and sharing that information with us today. So thank you so much.

[00:30:16] You’re welcome. Thanks so much for having me, Gloria. It was a pleasure.

[00:30:20] Thank you. And I thank all of you who are listening and who those of you who watch on YouTube. I appreciate you, too. And in closing, as always, I encourage you to go out and live fully and love deeply and engage authentically.

[00:30:38] Did you know that a majority of entrepreneurs tend to discount the importance of their work and a good number feel their success is simply due to luck? I know from personal experience that self-doubt can keep you from having the kind of life and business you desire. That’s why I’ve created a free guide called Uniquely Knew how to move from self-doubt to self-love in four simple steps to claim your free guide. Go to live, love, engage that gift. That’s live love. Engage dot g i f t.