Does this sound familiar? You’ve been told to simply write down your final wishes and essential information for end-of-life matters, thinking it will bring you peace of mind. But instead, you find yourself overwhelmed, stressed, and unsure if you’ve covered everything. The pain of not having a clear plan in place can weigh heavily on your shoulders, leaving you anxious about the future. Isn’t it time to find a more effective solution that truly brings you the peace and reduced stress you deserve?
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Show Notes | Transcript“Don’t wait until it’s too late. Start the conversation, bring in your workbook, and make your wishes known. It’s a conversation, not a confrontation, and it can be a really lovely learning experience for everybody.” – Mary Jane Charles
Mary Jane Charles is a passionate advocate for end-of-life planning and the author of the book, “Surviving the Business of Dying: Why Final Papers Matter.” With a mission to ensure that your last wishes are compiled in one place, Mary Jane, also known as the Last Wishes Facilitator, aims to alleviate stress and uncertainty for your loved ones.After experiencing the sudden loss of her husband and navigating the complex aftermath without clear instructions or necessary documents, she became determined to help others avoid the same struggles. Through her speaking engagements, workshops and workbook, Mary Jane provides practical advice and guidance, emphasizing the importance of documenting final wishes and essential information. Join us as Mary Jane shares her insights and expertise on Live. Love. Engage.
In this episode, you will be able to:
- Gain peace of mind and reduce stress by documenting your final wishes and essential information for end-of-life matters.
- Simplify the process of handling end-of-life matters by having all your important information in one central location.
- Take control of your future by being proactive in planning for end-of-life matters.
- Organize and manage your important documents and paperwork with strategies that make the process easier and more efficient.
- Overcome self-doubt and attribute your success in end-of-life planning to your personal effort rather than luck.
Related Live. Love. Engage. episodes you may enjoy:
Using Music to Ease the Journey from Life to Death with Linda Bryce
Live Without Regrets: Jodi Wellman’s 4000 Mondays Challenge
Resources:
Connect with Mary Jane here
Email Mary Jane: MJ (at) lastwishesnsupport.com
Join the Soulful Women’s Network here
Send me a message here
☕ Support the podcast here
❤ Love this episode? Leave us a review and rating here
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TRANSCRIPT
Gloria Grace Rand
You’re listening to the Live Love Engage podcast on today’s show, why it’s important to compile your final papers now before an illness, accident or death occurs. Stay tuned. I am Gloria Grace Rand, founder of The Love Method and author of the number one Amazon bestseller, Live Love Engage How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Start Being Yourself. In this podcast, we share practical advice from a spiritual perspective on how to live fully, love deeply and engage authentically so you can create a life and business with more impact, influence and income. Welcome to live. Love Engage.
Namaste. Oh, welcome. Welcome to the show. Whether you are a regular subscriber or this is your very first time here, I’m just delighted to have you and have you joining us today. And if you are new to the show, just to reinforce what you might have heard on the intro or maybe not, depending if you’re watching on YouTube. I am Gloria Grace, the light messenger and spiritual alignment coach and women entrepreneurs hire me to clear the inner blocks keeping you stuck so you can live the life you want now. And today I am going to have on a lovely, lovely woman who I met through a networking organization that we are both members of, and her name is Mary Jane Charles, and she is on a mission to ensure that your last wishes are compiled in one place, so your loved ones don’t have to guess, interpret, or argue frankly about your intentions. And she is known as the Last Wishes Facilitator and Mary Jane is a speaker and also author of the book Surviving the Business of Dying: Why Final Papers Matter and which we are definitely going to be talking about on the show today. So I want to welcome you, Mary Jane Charles, to live, love, engage. Glad to have you.
Mary Jane Charles
Thank you, Gloria Grace it’s so nice to be here. Nice to be back, I should say.
Gloria Grace Rand
Yeah. I’m going to say a quick prayer to the internet gods that we’re going to have good signal today because as we’re recording this, it is a little Mercury in retrograde, but it’s all going to work out. So I’m just going to trust because now you look beautiful again, it was a little fuzzy, but now you look gorgeous. I love to start off the interviews asking our guests about the journey that got them where they are today. And, and for you in particular, I know it has to do with this becoming this last wishes facilitator and what prompted you to actually write your book. So I want to, would love for you to be able to share that story with our listeners and viewers today.
Mary Jane Charles
So thank you for this opportunity to just share what I learned on the job, so to speak. It was one day we’ve all heard. Life can change on a dime and we shrug, we say, oh, I know, I should do this, I should do that. Well, I’m here to say it can change on a dime, and it did for me. My husband, eight years ago, was not well. He would not go to a doctor. He consulted Dr. Google. In any case, he wanted to see a partner. And I said, I will drive you, because he was too weak to drive. And we got there, we were in. The parking lot and I looked over. Tell him to say we’re here, and he had died.
He died literally in the car seat next to me. I knew he had been ill and I knew he was fading before me. But it was still quite a shock, as you can imagine. Within a half hour, I was sitting. In the Er waiting room and a Doctor walked out to me and said, do you have his final papers? Meaning his medical directive. Well, previously that morning, I tried to coax him yet again to please sign. The medical directive for the State of Washington, where I was living at the time. He said, absolutely not. I’m not signing that. I realized that I had the medical directive in one hand, I had my phone in the other. I said, Would you let me read it to you, yes or no? Questions and video you at the same time? And he nodded. He consented. Holy cow, I had it. Within 20 minutes, I read the questions in a yes or no manner and he either shook his head or nodded. Boom. Done. No way on God’s good earth did I think I would have to use this. 4 hours later, I gave the phone to the doctor. He was blown away, asked permission to take the phone and show it, I’m sure, to whoever his boss was, to make sure it was all legal. And that’s how we started this journey. Just like that. When she got home, you were numb. My son and I, thank goodness he was 28 and could drive. I drove. I think the car drove itself, actually. And the very next day, I found myself in an attorney office with the eldest stepson. He had arranged this meeting with a man I did not know. He could not get my name straight. It’s only Mary Jane. And he was telling me what I would be doing. His father had yet to be gone 24 hours, so at this point, I was annoyed. I don’t know why. That preceded everything. I thought this isn’t right. And I let the man talk more. And I stood up. I said, well, thank you for your time, but this meeting is over. And all the men in the room, there were three of them. They’re looking at each other. Not in a moment did anyone look at me to speak to me, the wife, they were among. It was like a good old boy set up or something. I sat back and folded my arms. I said, I think that’s enough, and I’ll be leaving. And I got up and I thanked him first time, and I left. And I simply told the stepson that I would be obtaining my own attorney that would be after the funeral. And it went on from there.
The frustration I felt the following week with all the piles of things and no will, no instructions, no partner papers. Within a short period of time, I got tired of saying, I don’t know. And I changed it to I’ll get back to you. I’ll get back to you on that. And that’s a great phrase. When you are being hounded or set up or whatever phrase you want to use, you can alter it with your tone of voice and body language. So keep that in your pocket. I’ll be back to you. I looked around my dining room table. It looked like a war room of old You just needed that big stick to move the ships around. And I decided that’s a chapter. That’s a chapter, and that’s a chapter. And that was the beginning of my book.
Gloria Grace Rand
Wow. Number one, I’m just sorry for your loss, and especially then, sorry for everything that came after that. I mean, to be treated like almost like a second class citizen, because with your stepson and these attorneys and forgetting that, yeah, you have big stake in this. He was your husband. But I wanted to know. It’s so hard to I can only imagine not knowing. There’s so many things you have to do when someone dies. You have to deal with. I’m sure you had a house. You’ve got to deal with that. There’s bank accounts, there’s credit cards, all of these health insurance. All of these things that you have to deal with. And so was it then your experience that for whatever reason, your husband didn’t really want to put any of that information somewhere where you could be able to get it? So what do you think was the biggest frustration or maybe the biggest hurdle that you had to overcome when you were dealing with the aftermath of this and trying to be organized?
Mary Jane Charles
I guess the realization that I would say, 85% of the madness that was going on could have been prevented.And I understand people are afraid. You’re talking about after I’m gone. Well, you’re pretty sick right now. And I did have that conversation with them, and I took the gloves off. We were very frank with each other. It didn’t produce anything, obviously, but I at least got it out of my system that I spoke number one. Number two, once I was in the middle of it, and I looked at this dining room table. My father had been a probate attorney. He did probate work. And I just said, Daddy, I need you now. Because I did not know what to do. So I made a trip to the dollar store. I got yellow pads, like, twelve of them, and lots of markers, and I had folders, and I had attorney. I had financial, real estate, medical, all the different things. I color coded them so I didn’t have to read labels all the time after that. My son, as I mentioned, was an adult and very helpful. He knew all the players. I had a daily list of errands for him to do. He’s personable, and he could go do these things. One morning, he saluted me, and I called him my first lieutenant, and that is in my book. Everyone needs a first lieutenant, someone you can depend on. They’re reliable. They show up, they’ll go where you ask them to, and they’ll come back again with what you need. And as I got into it, became a daily drill. Wasn’t over for a long time. The first legal document I needed to obtain, and had to hire an attorney, was for it to be appointed a personal representative.
That is what happens when there is no will and means there’s no executor. So you’re the wife. Big deal. Get in line. And you’re not the first in line. So once I figured that out, I was actually shopping for an attorney the week after the funeral. That’s an absolutely crazy thing to go do. Excuse me, I’m going, what kind of attorney are you? You do not want that exercise. All you have to do is start shopping now. And by shopping, I mean go networking. If you don’t work and you don’t network, just look around town, meet somebody. Say you’re beginning this process. By all means do not be snowed. Don’t let them say, Well, I went to Stanford, or I went to Notre Dame. I hired two women, by the way. Neither of them could function. And they went to very good schools. And I thought, come on, ladies. And so I actually went through three attorneys. I was exhausted by the time I decided the third one a man, a judge, was a big shot. And this was a small estate, so little guys don’t get the same attention as big guys, even though you’re paying. The same rate and the same attorney. All kinds of lessons that could have been avoided if it was done ahead of time. So a tip today, have a medical directive filled out ahead of time. You can do it. It’s not intended to be secret. You need it in your night table. Your glove compartment, maybe in a freezer bag on the side of the refrigerator. If you slip on a leaf, your neighbor is going to notice that. She call he or she calls the EMTs. They will want to know, Is there a medical directive? Neighbors know all kinds of things about us. Tell your neighbor, get her to have one herself. But this way you know at least that much about each other.
Second to that, put the top five people you want notified. If you are not able to speak for yourself in your telephone, that would be at least two relatives. One nearby, one in another state because our lives are all so scattered. Definitely your neighbor neighbors are going, doesn’t have to be the same person, but someone who’s there and your doctor. And the fifth someone who can help EMTs will reach for these two things as soon as they pull in the driveway. That’s the job of one of them. One tends to you, the other goes to the paperwork and the telephone, the ones that you put in the telephone list under ice. Ice for in case of emergency boom. And if you can edge blood type and if you are allergic to anything. It saves time, effort and perhaps your life after that. It was 18 months till the estate was closed because nothing was written. So it took people a lot of time. I was not the only case the person had and so you learn patience again. It can all be prevented if you simply start writing things down. So there were other stories within, I included I have a workbook, it’s called Surviving the Business of Dying workbook. It’s eight and a half by eleven. It’s simple, it has questions and answers. And every page, the opposite page is blank and that allows you to write the answers immediately opposite the questions, so you don’t have to flip all the time. One of the things I’ve asked is the list of passwords. Oh my goodness. If you don’t have somebody’s passwords, it’s going to be a long haul. Social media administrator. You need somebody obviously tech savvy and ahead of time. This is something you could do this afternoon. Just explore Instagram and Facebook and whatever other platforms you might be on and see what they call their legacy requirements or setup. It’s just food for thought. My magical little companion. Workbook does not cover everything. We are such a varied population and have so many traditions and religions, etcetera, that I tried to include as many as I possibly could. So if you happen upon my workbook and I am missing something, please let me know. I will be editing in another year. Or so and I can easily add it. The workbook is a thought provoker. It’s a conversation starter. It’s not scary. I have a few funny things in there, or seemingly very touching. And as you speak with someone who you think needs this, you don’t need an urgent situation. This is part of life. We leave instructions for our pet sitters, our babysitters. Why not leave detailed instructions for your family when they can no longer text you?
Gloria Grace Rand
Yeah, I want to bring up a point here, just speaking from my experience too, is that people may be listening to this and thinking, okay, well that’s fine if I’m in a relationship or something. But this is also for single people especially, I think even in particular need to do this. And case in point, I was fortunate enough that when my sister was ill with cancer and the prognosis was not good. She did put together a lot of this information ahead of time and she went to an attorney. Fortunately, she used to work for an attorney, so she was familiar with how they work. But she was able to get the house where she lived in Arizona to automatically transfer into my name upon her death so that we were able to avoid probate. So that sped things up immeasurably. And then I was able to sell her house. So doing things like that and saying what she wanted to be able to do, hopefully with her ashes and things like that, because she was single, she didn’t have a spouse and so it relied on me to do that. And I also love the fact that you had your son being the first lieutenant. Because for me, that was my daughter. She came out and flew out to me after my sister passed so that she could handle organizing. What things did we want to sell, what were we going to give away while I was dealing with some of these other things. So I love that you mentioned that that’s so important to have somebody with you, because you can’t do it all yourself, because you’re also grieving at the same time that you’re trying to make these important decisions, right?
Mary Jane Charles
Your brain can only handle so much. And we know what we’re like over the holidays, or if you have a week full of birthdays, sometimes it’s one foot in front of the other. So this is dire circumstances. In this case, my experience. And I had nothing. I never liked the partner. All of a sudden we were in front of each other. It was very interesting and I just learned a lot in general. I know I was frightened at first, but you grow into things and there is just enormous faith in yourself that comes out of it that you thought, well, this has to be done and this has to be done. And it begins to be logical and you just do one thing at a time. You can pick people’s brains, there’s no law against that and keep the conversation in the third person and you’ll be fine. Because it’s a small world and if you live in a small town, it’s easy to figure things out. And the beauty of using the companion workbook, it warms people’s hearts. The person who might be, for instance, in bad health might want to do this. Don’t fear you’re going to insult them or frighten them. They might be so thankful that you started the conversation because they’ve been thinking about it for a long time. If you are still fearful of having the conversation, bring in your workbook when you’re visiting and they’re watching the ball game or whatever they’re watching, they’re going to say, and what are you doing? I’m filling out my workbook. Would you like to see what I’m doing? And it’s easy. It’s a conversation, not a confrontation, and it can be a really lovely learning experience for everybody. You don’t have to wait till it’s urgent, that’s all. At the same time, it’s not a Thanksgiving dinner conversation. There are some very personal it’s your priorities, not anybody else’s. So be careful with whom you share. Let one person plus the neighbor know that this book is a real thing. If there are any questions after the fact, they can volunteer. You know what? That’s not what she wanted. Gloria Grace told me she wants to wear that red dress, and it’s right here on page 17, and she highlighted it. So that’s what we’re doing. It’s okay to be bold. You’re following someone’s instructions. They’re not up for interpretation.
Gloria Grace Rand
Right, exactly. And I love that you said that, because I was going to ask you, do you find that people are reluctant to do this? And if so, how do you sort of point out the benefits of doing it? Let me just ask you first. Do you think most people are reluctant to do it, or is it they’re just not aware of it, they just don’t think about the need for it?
Mary Jane Charles
I think it spits 50 50. And it’s not a matter of age, because a lot of people our age, if you will, their parents are now in their 90s. So there are a lot of people in need of these have to know details, and they’ve heard so many horror stories. But to have everything in place, like your sister is an enormous gift to your family because you eliminate the angst. And frustration simply being thoughtful. This is not for you. It’s for your family. And everybody needs to know how to start that lawnmower in the garage, you were always kicking it, but it always started, and that’s why we still own it. So where are the keys? And what is that process? It gets down to your nitty gritty everyday routine, and we need to know that we need to tell your barber you might not be in anymore. We need to take the animals to the vet. Meanwhile, who’s caring for your animals? And have you ever spoke of who’s caring for the children? That needs to be nailed down with an attorney, period, beforehand, or there’s going to be lots of heartache. So it swings from the big and the bold to the dearest of things. We can’t forget our creatures or the garden. Who’s going to take care of that beautiful garden? So again, I think as far as age the pandemic, let us know that age is not a factor. There were many young people under 50 who were badly affected by the pandemic. But if you look at it overall new recruits in the army or the police force, fire department, in their HR papers, they all have to fill out a will and a medical directive. It’s just part of what they do. So not that you have to frighten anybody, because a lot of people, oh, my goodness, it’s the Grim Reaper. She’s bringing up these things again. You can just skate past that. I think it’s a matter of soft approach. Pointing out the practical side, if they’re a practical human being, because you’re always asking them, now, where do you keep that? What branch do you go to? Who should I ask for? Is it BA or US Bank? All these things will be in the book and it’s easy.
When the time comes, people say, how can I help? How can I help? Well, you know, the family members, give them a job, they will be occupied. You won’t have that conversation anymore. And they’ll feel good about themselves and, you know, they’ll get it done because. It’s not about them. They want to be part of the party, more or less. So give them a job. Let them cook dinner.
Gloria Grace Rand
And you know, I was thinking that there’s different things that we know once or twice a year. And I’m thinking people in Florida have to put together, for instance, have to put together their hurricane plan at the beginning of the year. So June, when you’re doing that, maybe it’s time to look at that workbook again. Or if you haven’t done one, you could do it then. Or when we’re changing the clocks back, that could be the trigger for, okay, I’ve got to change the clocks or I’ve got to change the smoke alarm batteries. They always say to check those like once a year. We use that as a time to say, let’s take a look at putting this stuff together because it is such a relief when you have these things taken care of. It really is. And there’s no getting around it, folks. Everybody’s going to die. Nobody has been able to live forever on this planet. As much as we think we can cheat death, it’s going to happen now, hopefully it won’t happen for a very long time. But if you’re prepared now, then that’s one less thing you have to worry about, one less thing your family has to worry about. And it will make them think of you fondly when you’re gone, instead of cursing you at like, why did you leave the garage full of all of these magazines? Like my lovely sister did that I had to clean out her garage. That was one thing that was on her list of things to do. But she did not get around to it before. Unfortunately, she transitioned. So get rid of stuff now because your kids don’t want it.
Mary Jane Charles
Trust me. All my pretty little things, that doesn’t work for somebody. 34 on the roll. The other thing is in this process as if you were in fact the designated caregiver, you need to fix. Not fix, but take care of that part of your brain as well. So if there are no instructions and all of a sudden you’re doing legal work and medical work and you’re the records analyst, et cetera, on top of already having been the caregiver. One day you’re going to look in the mirror and wonder why you look like you do or why you’re so tired, or why you’ve had bronchitis three times in the last two months. These are body signs saying I need to rest after the fact. You are still in caregiving mode, taking care of anybody else in the family. I would say let somebody else do that or give them tickets to a movie and let them figure it out for themselves. You need to take care of number One and block that time out. You will be working many hours just trying to do what you’re supposed to. Do to get the job done. And it’s okay to call in a friend who’s an attorney and have a ham sandwich together. I had a friend’s husband call me on day two, day after my husband died. And he jodie lagai just great, warm hearted. He said, Mary Jane, this is all yours. And I kind of shrugged it off. I smiled. He said, no, you cannot do any wrong. What you do, people will respect. So you run it. You take it and you run it. It was so freeing to receive a call like I still get for climp. He came out of nowhere. I knew him, loved him dearly, and those were commands from him to me. Just make it your own. You can do no wrong and you’ll be fine. And it was so strengthening to hear that. So it’s okay to call someone when you know they’re just up to their eyeballs in stuff and let them know all will be well. And say it in a strong voice because that’s what makes its way through all the muddle that’s already in front of you. Very helpful to have received that phone call.
Gloria Grace Rand
Yeah, I can imagine. It was a very good friend to be able to do that for you. I’m glad they did that.
Mary Jane Charles
Yeah.
Gloria Grace Rand
I want to ask just shift gears slightly because I just love to be able to ask our guests things like this. And you’ve been sharing some wonderful information and I’ll be sure and have your contact information in the show notes as well. But just what is or I should say better grammar would be helpful. What are you curious about right now?
Mary Jane Charles
Right now, my hope and my wish right now is to get this book out there. So people, it’s simple. It would take you 2 hours to fill if you zip through it, but its intention is to have you think. It’s a thought provoker. And the considerations that are in there can be so meaningful. And if there’s ever a doubt as to what you intended or what you really wanted, a well filled out workbook could become what they call a first source, meaning it’s in your hand and you state what you want if you change anything, that’s fine. It’s not a document yet. If you change something, don’t erase. Cross it out easily and initial it. So that if it’s ever a topic and it’s revisited, they can see you deliberately made a different answer because you will. You’ll fill it out off the cuff and then six months later you’ll reread it. You’ll be like, I don’t want to do that. I hadn’t thought of that. So don’t erase. Do fill it out in pencil. Don’t erase, just cross it out, date and initial, and you can fill out the answer on a separate sheet of paper. But keep everything together. But right now, my mission is to get it filled out. I offer classes. My website has classes for every month as the months roll by. And we’ll be having a special on LinkedIn shortly. So please stay in touch with me. And I welcome groups of people. If you want to gather your neighbors. And everybody, come to a four hour class. I say 4 hours. It’s 2 hours on one day, 2 hours on the next. Simply to give you time to go through and start making your own lists. But this way you will have finished it. I guarantee you we will finish the book. And it’s not a race, but it is beautiful accomplishment and it bestows peace of mind for you and your family.
Gloria Grace Rand
Yeah, absolutely. So we’ve mentioned the website. For those who are listening to the podcast. Can you share with our listeners how they can get that information, how they can get the workbook, where can they reach you?
Mary Jane Charles
Certainly the books are on Amazon. You can look them up. They are surviving the business of dying. Why? Final papers matter. And this is my story, and it is not intended to be sad. It is more a call to action. It tells my story and weirdnesses and the sadnesses that go on, but it’s like, get it written and three quarters of the book you don’t have to live through. And it also Amazon has the workbook and I have a book site as well. My author site is simply Mjcauthor.com. I can mail the books directly to you as well. So I sell them as a set on that site. Last Wishes and Support is my teaching website. And there are classes that you can sign up for there, as well as one on ones. And I think it needs to be updated as we speak, but it will be updated shortly. And my email go ahead. Sorry? Go ahead.
Gloria Grace Rand
Well, I just wanted to reiterate go for it. You say the email and then I’m going to reiterate something after.
Mary Jane Charles
Go ahead. Okay. MJ at last wishesandsupport.com. That’s L-A-S-T-W-I-S-H-E-S-N. Not the word and the letter N. Support.
Gloria Grace Rand
Perfect. That’s what I was going to reiterate. So you did it for me.
Mary Jane Charles
Excellent.
Gloria Grace Rand
Because I just wanted to clarify that. People were hearing that correctly. It’s the letter N, not the word. And so very good. Excellent. Well, thank you so much, Mary Jane, for being on the show today and for sharing your experience with our listeners and viewers and sharing the importance of having this information together and especially having it in one place, too. I don’t think we necessarily emphasize that, but to have it all in a book, the importance of that. So you’re not like, going around trying to find a paper here and a paper there, but if you have everything in one place that’s right. That makes it so much easier.
Mary Jane Charles
Oh, my goodness, what a novel thought.
Gloria Grace Rand
I know.
Mary Jane Charles
And I made it yellow and it’s big. So you’re like, where is that book? Well, it’s going to pop out. So stand it up always. So you can find it very good. Because you think of things while you’re cooking or cleaning or driving home. Oh, that’s got to go in the book. So that’s the beauty of having it. Nearby, having a secret little space.
Gloria Grace Rand
Absolutely. Excellent. All right, well, thank you so much again for being with us. And I want to thank all of our listeners and our viewers on YouTube as well for joining us today. And if you’re not a subscriber, I encourage you to subscribe on your favorite podcast platform or at Grace Rand on YouTube. And I think that’s going to do it for this time, for Mary Jane and for myself. I again, thank you for being here and I encourage you to go out today and every day and live fully, love deeply and engage authentically.
Mary Jane Charles
Thank you very much, Gloria Grace, glad to be here.
Gloria Grace Rand
Did you know that a majority of entrepreneurs tend to discount the importance of their work? And a good number feel their success is simply due to luck? I know from personal experience that self doubt can keep you from having the kind of life and business you desire. That’s why I’ve created a free guide called Uniquely You. How to move from self doubt to self love in four simple steps. To claim your free guide, go to liveloveengage.Gift that’s live love engage dot g-i-f-t.
